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Isabel Blackwell Newsletter | March 2011 | |
Greetings!
I love everything about Mardi Gras. It's one of those days that makes day-drinking on a Tuesday completely acceptable and encourages us to eat the most disgustingly greasy (read: most delicious) food that we can. Whether or not you participate in the religious side of the event (it's a chance to eat whatever you want before Lent starts), we can all agree that a day dedicated solely to partying and indulgence is heaven sent. But one thing I've never understood about Fat Tuesday is the new tradition of women flashing men for plastic beads. There is a good history behind the beads-in the 1960s beads, along with other things like doubloons and small toys, were thrown from parade floats. But when, and why, are women showing their t*ts to strangers for them? I mean, I guess I get it. Women have been using their sexuality to get things for ages; if showing a little more cleavage didn't get me free drinks at bars, I would wear a t-shirt every night out. But really? Giving away the goods for some plastic beads that cost $1 for 50 strands? I'd rather save my boobies for something else, buy myself some beads, and call it a night. Plus, there are cameras everywhere and ending up in some video compilation would be a nightmare of epic proportions that would haunt me for the rest of my life. Sometimes though, there are opportunities out there that are worth showing off what your momma (or your fave plastic surgeon) gave you. What would you flash for? Date with Johnny Depp? Having the bod of a Victoria's Secret model? That dream job?
Call me a cheap date but I might flash for one of these delectable drinks....
![](http://i809.photobucket.com/albums/zz15/izzybizzy_2009/30202.jpg)
"The Hurricane"
Ingredients:
- 1/2 cup ice
- 2 fluid ounces light rum
- 2 fluid ounces passion fruit flavored syrup
- 1 cup lemon-lime flavored carbonated beverage
- 1 ounce lime juice
- 1 fluid ounce 151 proof rum
Directions:
- In a shaker, combine ice, light rum, passion fruit syrup, lemon-lime flavored carbonated beverage and lime juice. Shake well and pour mixture into a Hurricane or other large specialty glass. Float the 151 proof rum on top of the drink.
Alright peeps, it's a wonderful time to celebrate Mardi Gras, the first day of Spring, and St. patty's day! What better way to kick off this glorious month then to mix up that Hurricane and read your now IB Newsletter!!!! |
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The Boob Clamp! ![](http://i809.photobucket.com/albums/zz15/izzybizzy_2009/chinese_epic_cleavage.jpg) Watching this ad for a "Chinese boob clamp" that is actually just a corset, (Although maybe corsets should be called woman clamps?) I find myself entranced by the recurring image of breasts mushing together, then falling back apart. Faces lighting up with joy, then hanging with shame. Is this what it's like to be a straight man?
Lessons of the Chinese boob clamp ad:
- The cells in breasts look like many little breasts.
- The desire to take the fat from your belly and transfer it to your boobs transcends the bounds of language and nation.
- The desire to discuss the globalization of Western of body standards < The desire to ogle cleavage and type BOOBS repeatedly.
- BOOBS.
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SB Skin Prep: Before Spring Break ![](http://i809.photobucket.com/albums/zz15/izzybizzy_2009/spring-break-now.jpg) Spring break can be a carefree week of fun in the sun...or two days of fun followed by five days of waiting for your flight home. Make sure you make the most of SB 2011. And don't do some of the stupid shizz I've done on March and April vacations past. Recondition! Before you head to the beach, try out these simple 4 step skin preparations. 1-Brush off Dead Layers - Start by gently brushing dry skin with a natural fiber body brush. The brush fibers stimulate circulation, loosen dead skin cells, and massage the skin. Using light pressure, stroke upwards towards the heart. Begin stroking the feet first, working upward to the arms and neck. Dry Skin Brushing is a great way to relieve stress while pampering the skin. Note: Body brushes are not designed for facial skin care. 2-Exfoliate Rough Spots - Exfoliating removes dead skin cells and promotes skin renewal. Sugar and salt body scrubs are great for removing deodorant buildup from armpits, softening rough heals, and elbows. A fine grain scrub infused with ground walnut shells is recommended for facials. Use a lip buff before bedtime to renew dry flaky lips. Always wet the skin before using a scrub. Apply light pressure in a circular motion. Let the product do the work. 3-Try a Super Soaker - Soaking is therapeutic and helps skin retain moisture. Alternate your cleansing routine by soaking in a warm oil bath for 20 to 30 minutes. Add a tablespoon of Grapeseed oil to warm bath water. According to Foreverlookingyoung.com, "Grapeseed oil contains polyphenols, which are antioxidants. These polyphenols can help slow the process of aging, as well as having anti inflammatory and anti oxidant properties, which makes it great for helping clear up acne." Soaking is a good time to rejuvenate the tender areas around the eyes, with chilled cucumber slices or chamomile tea bags. 4- Slather on Vitamin Rich Body Butters, Balms and Oils - Choose a good skin moisturizer for your skin type and apply a healthy layer after bathing and at bedtime. A heaping handful of shea body butter or virgin coconut oil helps to keep the tissues in the skin strong and supple. Condition cuticles with Vitamin E Oil and apply a balm to heals, elbows, knees, and ankles. Develop a routine to pamper your skin before you engage in outdoor activities. Consistent treatments can prevent early aging and protect the skin from damage caused by over exposure to direct sun and warm temperatures. |
Is Red Dead?! Procreation may be your Obligation:
Only 2% of the world's population are red heads. The gene responsible for red hair MC1R was discovered in the late 1990s. The hair colour is associated with people of Irish/Scottish decent. There are many websites devoted to keeping the Red hair gene in the gene pool. One website "Redhedd.com" suggest "In order to save redheads we have to mingle redheads with redheads, to concentrate the two genes that make red hair, the first step is to intra-marry. The second is to inter-marry," advises the site. In other words, to get their numbers up, they've go to concentrate their efforts within the group at first - then spread out. Got that reds!?!? Get to it before you become extinct... |
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Ruddy Reddy Irish Skin:![](http://i809.photobucket.com/albums/zz15/izzybizzy_2009/3a1ba6854e28b78e817206d1fbe7.jpg) All those freckles and pale skin. That Irish blood with fiery red hair that matches that fiery temper...
Here are some skin saving tips for those who have to fight the ruddy.
1) Gently wash your face with a mild soap. Don't scrub. This only increases facial redness. Then apply a mild toner with a cotton pad.
2) Mineral and cosmetics suited for sensitive skin are the best choice for ruddy complexions. Steer clear of heavy foundations and creams, which will only add to the appearance of your condition.
3) Avoid hot drinks, spicy foods, caffeine and alcoholic beverages. It's important to note that alcohol may worsen a case
4) When choosing make-up or hair colors: cool ruddiness with beige, honey brown, golden or light coffee colors.
5) Always wear cap or use sunscreen, when you are going for outing, because hot temperature worsen the symptoms of ruddy skin.
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On the Mark! What does your beauty mark say about you? ![](http://i809.photobucket.com/albums/zz15/izzybizzy_2009/beauty_marks_021711_m.jpg) Check out this diagram about what your beauty mark(s) predict about your future. I am slightly skeptical for a few reasons:
1) I have no idea where this diagram comes from.
2) It looks like an egg and not a human face.
3) I had a girlfriend who had a beauty mark in the "carefree life" area and it turned out to be skin cancer. What does it mean now that it's gone? I think I'll go to a palm reader and find out.
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The P-Pump: It's not an oxygen mask... OK, before you freak out and think I'm some kind of sex pervert (hi, Dad!), let me introduce you to the craziest sex toy I haven't used -- the Pussy Pump. I recently the discovered the P-pump on AdultToy.com. (Where I was doing research. For a friend.) I like to think I've seen a marital aid or two in my day, but this one sort of boggles the mind. What's a pussy pump, you ask? Well, you shameless nympho, it's a plastic cup that looks like something a fireman might use to give you oxygen, attached to an air-filled bulb. The purpose, ostensibly, is to make your downtown Detroit all engorged without having to use conventional methods, like getting turned on or having a midget punch you in the crotch (or, ideally, both). What? Why? Even AdultToy.com, one of the retailers pushing the pump, seems a little mystified. "Why blow up your pussy?" asks the product description. Why indeed! "Some women report increased sensitivity, and men report increased tightness." The site also notes the inclusion of a "Free Demonstration DVD" to "show you how it's done, step by step." (Hey, anything's better than "Glee.")
Still mystified? I was too. So I asked Ian Kerner, sex and relationship counselor and author of "She Comes First," why pump? "About five years ago the FDA approved a clitoral therapy device for women who suffer from inhibited arousal," Ian explained. "The whole topic in general (the medicalization of low female desire) is a controversial topic, but this therapy device was approved by the FDA and is basically a small vacuum pump that goes over the vulva and sucks air out, encouraging blood flow to the genitals. I would have to say that the idea of using a vacuum pump to encourage blood flow to the female genitals is nothing new, but sexual-science research has shown that female desire is much more complex than merely facilitating blood flow to the pelvis."
Yeahhhh, I don't know about most of you, but if I see genitals that look unnaturally inflamed, that's my cue to roll up my tarp and fake an early squash game.
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Alright Ladies the last word is: make sure you set some boundaries, mainly because the cops know what's up and will be EVERYWHERE. Getting arrested might make for a legendary St. Patty's Day or Mardi Gras story, but the popo never think it's as funny as you do.
Love, skin,and wax,
Cristina Atencio Isabel Blackwell |
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