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No doubt about it, Spring is here. The tulips on the
Pearl Street Mall are out, the trees are leafing out and
one day it's almost 80; the next day we have a foot of
snow. Yep it's Springtime in Colorado.
Spring is time for renewal and reflection. I hope this
newsletter gives you some food for thought and
encourages you to show your beauty along with the
tulips and daffodils. Start your reflection with some
Advice from a Tree:
- Stand Tall and Proud
- Sink Your Roots into the Earth
- Be Content with Your Natural Beauty
- Drink Plenty of Water
- Enjoy the View!
As I'm writing this, I'm listening to Rod
Stewart's Great American Songbook. The song
that is playing now is What a Wonderful World.
And it truely is. I hope your world is wonderful too.
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Authenticity.
Are you up to it?
A sense of authenticity is one of our deepest
psychological needs. It is also a cornerstone of
mental health. Authenticity is related to many aspects
of psychological well-being, including vitality, self-
esteem, and coping skills.
What is
authenticity? It is described as the "unimpeded
operation of one's true or core self in one's daily
enterprise" by psychologists Brain Goldman and
Michael Kernis. There are four separate and
somewhat concrete components of authenticity. The
first is self-awareness: knowledge of and trust in
one's own motives, emotions, preferences and
abilities. Self-awareness includes things like
knowing what food you like to whether you are feeling
sad or anxious.
The second component of
authenticity is clarity in evaluating your strengths and
your weaknesses: acknowledging that you
have "blown
it" without resorting to blame or
denial
Authenticity is also an important part of
behavior. It requires acting in ways in line with your
own values and needs, even at the risk of criticism or
rejection. And it's necessary for close relationships,
because openness and honesty are required for
intimacy to develop.
People who score high in
authenticity are also more likely to respond to
difficulties with effective coping strategies, have more
satisfying relationships, and have a strong sense of
self-worth and purpose. They also have the
confidence to take on challenges and the ability to
follow through to reach a goal. Those low in
authenticity are likely to be defensive, suspicious,
confused and easily overwhelmed.
Most of us
are not always authentic. When we are not, we may
experience inauthenticity as vague dissatisfaction, a
sense of emptiness, or a feeling of self-betrayal. The
reason is because it's hard to be authentic. Accurate
self-assessment can be painful and may cause
trouble
in your relationships.
Authenticity also
requires making conscious, informed choices based
on accurate self-knowledge so you must be willing to
evaluate almost everything you do. That can be
exhausting! Studies show that deliberation, no matter
how trivial, costs psychic energy and we only have so
much of that. Have you ever felt your brain hurts from
thinking? That's what I'm talking about.
To
live
authentically means to put aside immediate
gratification for a deeper, more meaningful life. And,
of course, we usually get in our own way because we
often have a very rigid self-image that distorts
experience and limits self-knowledge.
So
what are we to do? Just take a deep breath and jump
in. Here are some suggestions:
- Read novels - my personal fav. Get into someone
else's head for a while. It helps to distinguish your
own identity.
- Meditate.
- Be deliberate - be aware of the choices you are
making, instead of doing things without thinking.
- But not too deliberate - allow the option of "going
with your gut". Authentic reactions are much more at a
gut level.
- Cultivate solitude - If your worried about being
inauthentic, just shut the door and get some you
time.
- But stay connected - it may seem like a
contradiction, but community is an outlook toward life
in which you define yourself in relation to the world
around you.
- Play hard - whether your biking, climbing or just
hanging out with friends, doing something you really
enjoy allows you to express who you are.
- Be willing to lose - allow yourself to fail. If you're
leading a full authentic life, you're going to fail some
every day.
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Life With Purpose.
What do you stand for anyway?
Very few of us routinely re-examine our core beliefs or
write down the principles that guide our lives. How
often do you
write out your basic beliefs, or explain them to a friend
or loved one? How often do we even think about where
we're going in life or what we absolutely, positively
stand for?
There is a saying that "if you don't
stand for something, you will fall for anything". We live
in a world that encourages lots of work and activity, but
not the ability to think clearly
about what it all means. No wonder so many people
get taken advantage of!
We all know that
under stress we tend to get so focused on the source
of our stress that we miss even the
most essential things in life, like eating lunch and
telling
our kids we love them.
With so many
requests for our time, our money and our energy, it is
critical we stay
anchored and focused on the life we choose and our
values. Here are some steps that can help:
- Define your fundamentals. If you haven't done so in
a while, take the time to write down those ideas and
principle most dear to you. Know your fundamentals,
the principles that guide your life.
- Review them with a trusted friend or loved one.
Test your beliefs to see if they stand up to questions
and if you can defend them reasonable and
clearly.
- Keep a daily journal. I'm being called by the
universe to get into this habit. I'm not as consistent as
I would like to be. But I'm working on it. In your
journal, note where you have missed the mark. Don't
beat yourself up, just get back on track.
- Match your schedule to your values. Do your
priorities show up in your schedule and your
checkbook? If not, make the minor adjustments
before you need to make major ones.
For thousands of years, sailors have known
the value
of keeping an eye on the north star. They keep their
hands on the tiller and check their course often. In
modern life, we are rarely encouraged to do the same
and it's easy to be led astray. Know your guiding
principles and stick
to them.
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Yesterday and Tomorrow.
But what about now?
Life takes place in the present. But so often, we let the
present slip away, unobserved and unseized. Our
mind is cluttered with thoughts: while we are at work,
we think about vacation, we dwell on the past or worry
about the future.
Most of us don't undertake
our thoughts in awareness, meaning our thoughts
control us, not the other way around. We need to live
more in the moment. Called mindfulness, living in
the moment is a state of active, open, intentional
attention on the present. When you become mindful,
you realize that you are not your thoughts; you are just
with your thoughts, observing them.
Mindfulness has some great benefits. It
reduces stress, helps lower blood pressure and
boosts
immune function. Mindful
people tend to be happier, more exuberant, more
empathic and more secure. They also accept their
own weaknesses more easily. They can hear
negative feedback without feeling threatened and fight
less with their partners.
The problem with
living in the moment is that it's paradoxical. You can't
pursue it for its benefits because that's a future-
oriented mindset. Instead you have to just trust the
rewards will come.
There are many paths to
mindfulness - each of which has a paradox at the
core. Letting go of what you want is the only way to get
it. Here are some tricks to help you along the way.
- To improve performance stop thinking about it.
How's that for a paradox? Thinking too hard about
what you are doing actually makes it worse. By
reducing self-consciousness, mindfulness allows you
to witness what is going on around you without
judgement. Focusing on the present forces you to
stop overthinking.
- To avoid worrying about the future, focus on the
present. Relish what you are doing at the present
moment. Take the time to savor a piece of chocolate
or a beautiful sunrise.
- If you want a future with your significant other,
inhabit the present. Mindfulness actually inoculates
people against aggressive impulses. Mindfulness
decreases ego involvement and boosts your
awareness of how you interpret and react to what's
happening in your mind, so you don't react in anger or
frustration.
- To make the most of time, lose track of it. The
most complete way of living in the moment is the state
of total absorption in a task referred to as flow. In a
state of flow, you are so focused that distractions can't
penetrate. You can accomplish "flow" by working on a
challenging project or reading a good book.
- If something is bothering you, accept it. Focusing
on a problem to fight or overcome it often makes it
worse. Let the emotion or problem be there. Label
the issue, look at it, accept it and direct your attention
to something else.
- Know that you don't know. Have you ever
had "autopilot" moments driving down the highway?
Scary, aren't they? Acquire the habit of noticing new
things every day so you recognize that the world is
constantly changing.
Living a consistently mindful life takes effort.
Be mindful for this moment and realize where you are
and pay attention to the experience. You're
already "there". Wasn't that easy?
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Take This Job.
And love it.
I recently attended a series of seminars by Liz Ryan of
Ask Liz Ryan. You may have seen her column in the
Daily Camera. She was very engaging and
informative. I took the course mostly to update my job
seeking skills to help my life coaching clients. I now
know how to create a resume, use LinkedIn and
interview for a job. Yes, things are tough, but with
some
creativity and determination, Liz says you can land a
great job.
"So what!" you say. "I'm not going
through all the hassle even though my job drives my
crazy." Not a problem. Maybe you need a little attitude
adjustment. It's very easy to be negative. None of us
has to try at that. But being positive is harder. Some
times writing down things you are thankful for
helps.
Review the good things of your day.
Whether your best moments are central to your job
(working on a challenging project) or peripheral to it (a
great lunch with a co-worker) take the time to notice
those moments when you feel at your
best.
Cherish the social support. The
friendship, success and contributions of co-workers
are sometimes the best reasons to come to
work.
Appreciate having a mentor. This is a
big one, especially for women. If you work in an
environment where you can continue to develop and
have boss willing to show you the way, that's reason
enough to cheer.
And don't forget about the
perks. My girlfriend works at a place were she can
take yoga and get a massage on company time! Can
you take your baby or dog to work? Does the company
put on a great holiday party and a fun summer picnic
at Boulder Rez. That's a great deal.
And, of
course, there's the money. That is why we work. If you
have a reasonably well paid job, you have a great
reason to love your job. You may think this is obvious,
but often times this simple truth is lost in the
craziness of day-to-day work.
What? This pep
talk hasn't help. Maybe you will never love your job. If
your embarrassed about it, feel like a fraud, feel you
haven't connected with anyone, you're overwhelmed
with rage and anxiety on a daily basis, and the pay is
lousy, maybe it's time to start looking around. Liz and I
can help you with that.
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Grace and Peace,
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