April 6, 2009 
 Soul Food Newsletter
 Women Nurturing Women
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Photo by Kevin Krayna

I know what you're thinking, "She don't write, she don't call." That's absolutely true. The past few months I have been taking care of a 12 year old (who has been acting the part very well), spent a couple of weeks dealing with the flu (next year I will get a flu shot), being the chair for the search committee at my church and I took a " Mom vacation", a cruise on the Mexican Riviera. That helped to put life in perspective! So now I am renewed and refreshed.

Happy New Year! Yes, I know it's April, but I think we should celebrate New Year's now. It's spring and life is beginning anew. The trees are budding, the daffodils are emerging and the days are getting longer. I also think Spring is the time for change and growth, a time to re-evaluate your life.

So consider this Advice from an Elk

  • Don't Get Stuck in a Rut
  • Cherish Wide Open Spaces
  • Appreciate Life's High Points
  • Be at Home in the Woods
  • Make Your Voice Heard
  • Know When to Make Tracks
  • Be Magnificent

And cherish the Spring.

 For the Girls!
 Helping your middle school girl grow

Is your daughter smart, independent and capable, but sometimes you still shake your head at her behavior? I am offering a five-week course for girls 11-14 designed to help your daughter realize her potential through understanding herself and her emotions, learning how to make good decisions and set appropriate goals, and developing skills to withstand peer pressure.

  • Session 1: I don't understand why I did that! Don't worry. In this session we will explore basic personality types and learn how to turn weaknesses into strengths.
  • Session 2: Making good decisions. During this session, we will explore the thought processes involved in decision making and learn skills to control impulsive behavior.
  • Session 3: How to be successful by setting goals. Success does not occur by chance. As we discuss principles for success your daughter will develop a roadmap to show her how to get where she wants to go. Now that your daughter has a destination, she needs to understand the steps to accomplish her dream. She will learn to break down each step to avoid being overwhelmed.
  • Session 4: Be true to you! Peer pressure is a big issue for girls today. In this session, your daughter will develop the skills she needs to withstand peer pressure as an adolescent. We will also talk about friendship; what it means and how to be a good friend.
  • Session 5: You feel what you feel. Emotions are a part of life, but often difficult to handle. During the final session your daughter will learn valuable coping skills specifically for her, based on her needs and personality.

Each session will include games and/or crafts to help you daughter explore who she is.

Cost: $100.00. Space is limited.

Beginning Tuesday April 14 from 4:00 - 6:00 pm. Location: 700 Front Street in Louisville For more information, contact Sue McCullough at 303- 665-2676.

 


 Sweet Dreams.
 Leading you to a better life

We all dream every night and each morning we jump when the alarm clock goes off and dismiss what we have dreamed, that is if we even remember.

Not so fast, new research suggests that dreams are a great opportunity for self- knowledge. Experts say our dreams can supply us with insights that will help heal emotional stress and trauma, enable us to sleep better or even help us solve problems. Thoughts that occur while you sleep mingle with recent events, buried memories and hopes and fears providing fertile soil for neural connections that might never be made through conscious thought alone. Dreams shape your self- image by helping you work through unresolved emotions from waking life. Here are some strategies to help you understand your dreams.

First of all, wake up slowly. Your conscious mind can erase memories of a dream in minutes. Lie still in bed when you wake, keeping your eyes closed and concentrating on what you were dreaming about. When you recall all you can, jot it down in a notebook by your bed. Come back to the entry later for insights by looking for recurring characters and themes.

Don't take your dreams literally. Straightforward dream interpretations seldom yield insight. Try a little free association to get at a dreams real meaning.

Confront your "demons". People who experience trauma in life often relive it while asleep, but eventually they acquire mastery in their dreams, finding a way to take charge of unpleasant images. When I was in college, living alone in an apartment, I had a recurring dream that a man broke in the apartment and was about to murder me. Just as he was about to plunge the knife into my chest, I would force myself to wake up. One night I decided not to wake up. In my dream, I woke up, brought my knees to my chest and kicked at him as hard as I could. He fell backwards and I was able to run out the back door and escape.

Put yourself in the dream after waking. Because your life is unique, it's important to understand the specific situation or emotion that may have inspired your dream. It may be helpful to imagine yourself as one of the central characters. If you dream about a particular tree, imagine you are the tree. See if there are any traits you have in common with the tree.

Describe your dream to an alien. If you were talking to someone from another planet, how would you describe your dream so it made sense? Write down the parts you would emphasize and why. You may be able to zero in on important aspects of the dream so you can better understand it.

Plan a course of action. After you have identified the events and emotions that may have inspired your dream, decide how to deal with them in the future. If your dream ended poorly, imagine a new ending for yourself. If your new outcome is healthy, appropriate and practical, then the advice you gleaned from your dream is worth following.

If you want more information on the latest in dream research, read Dream Language by Robert Hoss.

 


 Optimist or Pessimist.
 Depends on your viewpoint

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." - Sir Winston Churchill

This quote struck me when I read it a few weeks ago. It seems to be such a fitting quote for our times. People are losing jobs and houses; some are living off savings; and some have used most of their savings. Sadly that is reality. But reality changes. And we even have the ability to change our own reality, just by how we look at things.

For some, losing a job may not be such a bad thing. It may provide the shove they needed to find something better, it may provide a chance to follow a dream or they may start a new business.

When maps were made 2,000 years ago the end of the map had pictures of monsters and dragons because no one knew what was out there. What would happen if you marched off the map? Would you be an optimist and see it has a challenge or would you be the pessimist and be stopped by the difficulty? Reality is what it is and we would be well served to forgive it for being reality. Even if reality is a shadow for you, remember that a shadow is formed when there is light. The light will come again as it always does and the shadow will end.

March off the map and see the opportunity.

 


 People-Pleasers
 Are you a doormat?

Saying no is uncomfortable! It like turning your back on a family member or your best friend. But saying yes too much has it's consequences; being too busy and too stressed.

People-pleasers are committed to bolstering the well-being of others at the expense of themselves. We all do it from time to time. But people-pleasers are so invested in outside approval that they set aside their own needs and wants.

Why would someone be so anxious to please others that they end up sabotaging themselves? Some people are unable to gauge their own value. We learn from an early age that if we do what others ask and expect, they will love us. And women are especially prone to be people-pleasers; it's what is expected of us.

As we get older, these behaviors become ingrained and self- reinforcing. People-pleasers get rewarded from bosses, co-workers, family and friends. So we say yes to more things for the kudos we get.

But people-pleasers pay a high price for the praise they receive. They loose sight of what want and need from life. They feel as if they have lost control of their own life, which leads them to lash out at others.

So how does a people-pleaser end the cycle? Unfortunately the cure is not abstinence - neglecting the needs of others entirely means crossing the border into narcissism. The key is a well- thought out policy of temperance. Retain positive traits like friendliness and sensitivity, but clarify your own needs and assert them more. Take a close look at what situations trigger your pleasing behavior. People- pleasing behavior comes from fear, from assuming that others are in control of you. Healthy behavior comes from genuinely wanting to be connected to people. Ask yourself "why". Then decide if you are trying to please others or if you really want to do this. By saying "no" more often and "yes" to the really important things, you will be happier, healthier and more in control.

 


 Sue McCullough Counseling
 Go The Distance...Because Passion Takes Time

I will use authenticity and integrity to illuminate your path of self-discovery as you find and act on your passion. I will reframe situations and see alternatives to help you overcome obstacles and enjoy the journey.

My specialties include

Mental Health Issues:
  • Anxiety
  • Trauma
  • Depression
  • Crisis Intervention
  • Secondary Traumatic Stress
Personal and Career Coaching:
  • Spiritual Growth
  • Quality of life improvement
  • Creative Coaching in art, writing and music
Women's Issues:
  • Midlife personal and professional changes
  • Transition back into the workplace
  • Mother-daughter relationships
  • Infertility and adoption
Adolescents

Psych-K - a dynamic paradigm for change.

700 Front Street, Suite 204
Louisville
303-665-2676
Hours by appointment.

 


Grace and Peace,


Sue McCullough
Sue McCullough Counseling

phone: 303-665-2676
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