December 15, 2008 
 Soul Food Newsletter
 Women Nurturing Women
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Photo by Kevin Krayna

Happy New Year! I hope 2009 brings many blessings, much peace, and new, joyous opportunities to you. I hope you had a wonderful holiday season whatever you celebrated. I, for one, am happy to have celebrated the Solistice. The days are already getting noticabley longer, even if it's only a minute per day (which I learned it is this time of year), we already have almost 15 minutes more of light.

I hadn't realized how long it had been since I had sent a letter to you. It has been a difficult holiday and I had to let go of some things; this being one. And as I am sitting here typing this letter, I am also printing out things on the desktop computer. The wonders (and stresses) of modern society. As I look forward to 2009, I realize that I would benefit from taking some Advice from a Butterfly

  • Let Your True Colors Show
  • Get out of Your Cocoon
  • Take Yourself Lightly
  • Look for the Sweetness in Life
  • Take Time to Smell the Flowers
  • Catch a Breeze!

Stay safe and warm and have a great week.

 The Circle of Life.
 A Different Christmas Story.

The cast:
  • Me, of course, and Richard and Malaika
  • Richard's parents Matt and Shirley
  • Richard's brother Robert and his wife Bonnie
  • Robert and Bonnie's daughter Bobette and her husband Mike

I had planned on a quiet Christmas at home. Things were crazy and I was behind in all preparations. After Messiah weekend, I was going to relax. Then after Christmas I was looking forward to attending a couple of parties. That abruptly changed about 10 days before Christmas

Richard wanted to go see his parents, which was okay. I just didn't want to go at Christmas; I wanted to go after. But Richard wouldn't budge, unusual behavior for him. Shirley has had demintia for the last seven years and Matt is her caregiver. Bonnie was glad we were going out and asked me to do an assessment. She had heard some things from Mike that worried her. Since I had clients we decided to leave Christmas Eve day.

We were on the road by 7 am and the driving was good until we got west of the Eisenhower tunnel, but we made good time and got to Utah, just south of Provo, by about 4:30 pm and settled in.

After a little down time we went to Bobette's for Christmas Eve. When we got back, everybody hurried into the warm house. I held the door for Matt, who was at the bottom of the steps (about 5). He told me to go ahead. At the time I didn't think anything of it. I knew he was slowing down and I thought he didn't want me to let the cold air in the house.

Christmas morning, Matt and Shirley slept in and we went to Bobette's for Christmas morning festivities and breakfast. When things quited down, we talked with Mike and Bobette about how Matt and Shirley were doing. The information relayed to us was alarming. When we got back to Matt and Shirley's, close to 1 pm, they had just gotten up. A few hours later we went back to Bobette's for Christmas dinner. When Matt was handed this presents, he insisted they had been with everyone in the morning, and he didn't remember I had told him that great- granddaughter Elissa had managed to get to Portland. Both Richard and I were astonished.

After a great evening we all went home. My internal alarms went off when Matt had to hold on to the kitchen counters and catch his breath after climbing those 5 steps up to the house. This was real trouble. Richard and I had a long talk about the situation with his parents and agreed we need to talk with Matt in the morning.

Being a worry-wart sometimes I can't sleep. Thankfully there are such things a brand new portable DVD players to keep me entertained for a few hours until it's light. So what does a girl do when it's light and she's tired of watching movies on the DVD player? She shovels the 10 inches of snow that fell overnight, of course. Richard joined me after about an hour and after two hours my hands and feet were cold so I went in the house for some tea. And Matt was already up and sitting at the table. What a perfect opportunity to talk. So, being the Evil Daughter-in-law I brought up everything from how capable Shirley was taking care of herself, our concerns about Matt's health, to their financial situation. This girl was not going to leave any stone unturned! Richard and I even pushed him to make a doctor's appointment. And it was a good thing too!

We headed home on Saturday, reassured that Matt's doctors appointment was Monday and that Bobette would go with him. At about 6:30 pm on Monday we got a worried call from Bobette telling us Matt had to go to the hospital immediately for a blood transfusion. His red blood cell count was 0.5. So Richard turned right back around and headed to Utah with Robert.

So what is the moral of the story? Now the children are the parents. It's a circle of life thing. Our parents raise us, care for us, drop everything for us when needed. And now we are doing the same. The doctors don't know what's wrong and are doing more tests as I'm typing this. And Richard and Robert are there, as they should be. I am so glad and relieved that Richard followed his instincts and stood his ground about going out over Christmas. I am so glad we had the talk with Bobette and Mike, getting more information. And I'm glad that Matt feels comfortable enough with his Evil Daughter- in-law to talk and tell the truth. So have those difficult conversations with your parents; find out about finances, about wills, about power of attorney. It's okay and your parents will appreciate it. I don't know what is going to happen, but I do know that life has come full circle and the child has become the parent.

 


 The Guardian.
 Using your gifts.

I couldn't sleep last night (do you see a patten here?) So after Malaika went to sleep I crawled out of bed. She apparently doesn't think I can sleep in bed by myself. I couldn't decide what to do with myself so I watched The Guardian. It's a pretty good movie and it has water, Kevin Costner and Ashton Krutcher so you can't go wrong. My brother Steve was a Squid and my brother Stu was a Coastie so that's probably another reason I like the movie. Stu would drive our mom crazy because he would call her to tell her he was going out on a rescue. The Coast Guard doesn't go out on sunny calm days.

A scene in the movie struck me last night. The senior chief (Costner) is telling the recruit (Krutcher) that he is gifted and should honor his dead teammates by using his gifts as best he can. What a remarkable statement! It sounds so simple and yet so profound.

We all have gifts to share. What would happen if we used our gifts to honor those we've lost, those we love, those we care about. Gifts are so varied and amazing. I admire people who are gifted with organization, I am not. I admire people who are gifted teachers. Forget that, would lose my temper. But I am gifted in getting people to open up and talk. And this year I am going to be conscious of that gift and use it to help others. And as I do, I will honor those I've lost and those I love. Don't take your gifts for granted. Honor those you love by using them to the best of your ability.

 


 Don't Give Up.
 Just keep trying.

How did 2008 go? Did you make your goals? Well, I made progress, but I certainly didn't achieve all of my goals. I'm not making the amount of money I wanted to make, but I am increasing my marketing time, which will bring in more clients. I am playing the piano almost as well as my daughter. She been taking lesson for 4 years, I've been taking them for 4 months. I've lost 40 pounds, only half of my goal, but that's better than nothing. I am starting my mornings, a least 5 of them per week, in prayer and meditation. Hmm, that organization one still needs a lot of work.

But I can look back over the past year and see that I made progress. And that is what matters. Am I going to drop any of my goals? Maybe the remodeling of the house, but not any of the other ones. The goals I made last year are still relevant and important. I don't have to reach all the goals in one year. Life happens so goals have to be flexible. The important thing is to keep working toward them.

So as you look over your goal sheet, be kind to yourself. Give yourself credit for what you achieved whether you tried, only got halfway, of leapt for joy because you made it. It's a new year. You are starting fresh. The old year is gone. Don't let unfinished goals drag you down. They are your goals and you can do whatever you want to with them!

 


 Sue McCullough Counseling
 Go The Distance...Because Passion Takes Time

I will use authenticity and integrity to illuminate your path of self-discovery as you find and act on your passion. I will reframe situations and see alternatives to help you overcome obstacles and enjoy the journey.

My specialties include

Mental Health Issues:
  • Anxiety
  • Trauma
  • Depression
  • Crisis Intervention
  • Secondary Traumatic Stress
Personal and Career Coaching:
  • Spiritual Growth
  • Quality of life improvement
  • Creative Coaching in art, writing and music
Women's Issues:
  • Midlife personal and professional changes
  • Transition back into the workplace
  • Mother-daughter relationships
  • Infertility and adoption
Adolescents

Psych-K - a dynamic paradigm for change.

700 Front Street, Suite 204
Louisville
303-665-2676
Hours by appointment.

 


Grace and Peace,


Sue McCullough
Sue McCullough Counseling

phone: 303-665-2676
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