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It's hard to believe October is here. October is my
favorite month. I love the changing color of the leaves
and I even enjoy raking them up. I remember as a kid
we would go to a park called Lapham Peak and climb
the tower and then grill hamburgers, warm up pork
and beans (when was the last time I had that?) and
roast marshmallows. I remember running around
and hearing the leaves crunch under my feet.
But October is also a heartbreaking month
for me. This year I really thought the Cubs were going
all the way to the World Series. After all, they had the
second best record in baseball, 97 wins! I was
planning on meeting my siblings and cousins in
Chicago in a few weeks and we were going to
celebrate the death of the goat. Alas, the goat is alive
and well. The Dodgers brought their brooms to the
first round of the playoffs and swept the
Cubs. I told my sister that statistically the Cubs had to
win another Series, after all it's been 100 years. The
last Series they won was in 1908! But my sister says
the fundamentals of statistics don't apply to the Cubs.
Maybe she's right.
Now my only choice is to
follow
Advice from a River
- Go with the Flow (is there another choice?)
- Slow Down and Meander
- Go Around the Obstacles
- Stay Current
- The Beauty is in the Journey!
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Loving the Cubs.
Lessons from my Grandfather.
I don't remember the first time I went to Wrigley Field, I
was so young. My mother told me I was almost born
there. About two weeks before she was due, she was
at a game that was so exciting; she was jumping up
and down and screaming. So it's no wonder I am a
Cubs fan.
My grandfather would take me and
my siblings, as they got old enough, to Wrigley Field.
He was a big man of German/English descent from
Iowa. He was also a very good pitcher in college.
The White Sox wanted Gramps to pitch for them, but
his mother objected because he would have to work
on Sunday, so his life took another path. But he still
love baseball.
Gramps would take time off
work to take me to a Cubs game. Wrigley field did not
have lights for night games until sometime in the
1990's. The stands would be half-empty, because the
Cubs didn't win much, but that was okay with me. I
was with the man in my life and he was teaching me
all about baseball. He taught me to watch the pitcher
and the catcher, how they signaled each other. He
taught me how to score a game and to watch the
fielders when the pitcher went into the wind up. He
told me about the batter's box and explained the
batter's stance to me. We saw double plays, and the
rare triple play together. We saw home runs and he
would tell me that Ernie Banks was a good golfer and
he could put a low ball out of the park, which he often
did. We always stayed until the game was over, the
bottom of the ninth, Cubs losing yet again. Then we
would walk down the ramps and out of the park to
ride the bus or the El back to my grandparent's
apartment.
It was always okay because there was another game
and like all true Cub fans, "there is always next
year".
As I got to be a teenager, Gramps didn't
go to games as much with us. Being a small
business owner required a lot of time at work. But I
still went with my siblings and cousins. I saw Kenny
Holtzman pitch a no-hitter (and get a horrible sunburn
sitting in the bleachers), Jim Savage hit a grandslam
homerun, and Ron Santo get spiked by a runner
sliding into third base.
I haven't been to
Wrigley Field in years, but I remember the lessons,
because they were not about baseball, they were
about life. Gramps taught me to look at the details, to
look for the little things and to appreciate their
importance. To take a moment to enjoy
standing at the end of the driveway to look at a full
moon at 5 am when I get the newspaper. He taught
me to stop and listen to the sound of water running
down the mountain side when I'm hiking. He taught
me not to give up, to stay until the third out in the
bottom of the ninth. But most of all, Gramps taught me
to have faith, there is always tomorrow and there is
always next year.
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A Beautiful Mind.
And the power of it.
Malaika recently asked me what schizophrenia was.
She was reading a book that mentioned the mental
illness and didn't understand. I worked for two years
with people who were effected by schizophrenia, but I
didn't think talking was the best way to explain the
disease. So I got a DVD.
A Beautiful
Mind is the powerful story of John Nash, winner of
the Nobel Prize in Economics in 1994. Being an
absolute genius, he was a bit of a oddball with many
eccentric behaviors. When he went to Princeton for
graduate school, he began having hallucinations
while searching for an original idea for his Ph.D. That
original idea is now known as the Nash Equilibrium,
used in game theory, economics and biology. After
Princeton he began working at MIT on Cold War
defense projects, where he became more paranoid
and delusional until he finally had a psychotic break
with reality. Nash found the medication, thorazine,
made him almost non-functional and decided, with the
agreement his psychatrist and the help of his wife to
stop
taking the medication.
Instead of taking
thorazine, which in the 1950's was his only option,
Nash used the power of his mind and decided to
ignore the hallucinations. With the help of his wife and
friends, he went back to Princeton and eventually
began teaching and researching again. He stills sees
hallucinations but he knows what they are and ignores
them.
According to Wikipedia, Nash is 80
years old and still at Princeton. The movie took some
poetic license, but Nash and his wife were very
involved during the filming. I start crying at the faculty
tearoom scene where other faculty members give him
their pens, a sign of respect and
accomplishment.
Is my mind that powerful, is
yours? I believe the answer is yes. We can control
our thoughts, what we think about ourselves and
others. The question is do we have the will and
determination to do it. Nash clearly did. He couldn't
think when taking the medication so he decided to
make the situation a problem he could solve. What
problem do you have to solve? What situation is
causing you to lose sleep at night? Do you have the
will and determination to solve it using your beautiful
mind?
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Don't Worry, Be Happy!
What is happiness?
It's hard not to worry when the economy is cratering
(let's see how that economic bailout works) and be
happy. Some have seen their retirement savings
reduced by half. But there is no doubt that we want
to "be happy" and that our lives are richer if we are
happy. Research says that happy people live up to
eight years longer! They are more confident, they have
better relationships, and more energy. And they make
more money, achieve their goals more often and in
general are more content and
satisfied.
Currently, a lot of research is being
done on happiness and we are learning a lot about
what makes people happy. It's not money or fame;
even power, long-life and health do not "make" us
happy.
At the same time, we also know that
millions of people who achieve little in terms
of "success" can be supremely happy. Viktor Frankl, in
his book Man's Search for Meaning, tells of
surviving the horrors of Nazi concentration camps. He
talks about inmates who managed to find some
measure of happiness in those terrible conditions.
How can that be?
First, you have to separate
happiness from pleasure. I think happiness is
consistent feelings of joy about life; past, present and
hope for the future. We all have sadness about the
past, sadness in the present and most likely sadness
in the future. But, happiness is about living with
integrity and purpose, living our own lives, in our own
way. And, as Viktor Frankel wrote, knowing that our
lives have meaning. Happy people know they are living
the life they were meant to live. That's
happiness.
Not to say that pleasure is
not important. Pleasure can be a good movie, a great
concert, a wonderful trip. We can buy pleasure with a
credit card. But that doesn't make us happy in the
long-run. Happiness is bigger than that. According
to Martin E. P. Seligman in his book, Authentic
Happiness, it's a bigger game, played for higher
stakes. It's about doing work that makes sense and
that uses your talents to make the world a better place.
Seligman tells a story of a man who worked as an
orderly in a hospital. The man's first love was art. He
made sure there were nice pictures in patient's room,
even those in a coma. It mattered to him and was his
gift to those around him. Happiness is about loving
relationships. It's about honesty, integrity, and it has
meaning, purpose and contentment.
Here are four suggestions for happiness:
- Take happiness seriously. Happiness is
something to study, a goal, a skill and a result of living
a life consistent with your values.
- Find out what makes you happy and do more of it.
Whether it is gardening, fishing, skiing or cooking,
build your life around those things.
- Be happy today. Happiness is connected to
gratitude, optimism and laughter. So start now, don't
wait until someday.
- Take time and give thought to what it takes to have
a happy life. Invest in it. You would get better returns
than investing in the stock market!
If you want to research happiness, here
are some suggested titles;
- What Happy People Know by Dan
Baker.
- Learned Optimism by Martin E. P.
Seligman.
- Authenic Happiness by Martin E. P.
Seligman.
So don't worry, be happy.
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And Be Successful Too.
The fundamentals don't change.
In life, there are only a few fundamentals that make life
work out well, and over time they have not
changed even though society and technology have.
We want to find some "new rules" or a system that will
allow us to find short-cuts that didn't exist in the
past. While there may be situations where that is true,
the fundamentals still apply. They are the same ones
our parents and grandparents lived by. You probably
have some ideas, but here are my favs.
Personal Integrity - Do you know people that you
believe and trust no matter what? Who are honest
maybe too much? Who know what they value and
make sure their words and actions match those
values? I'm married to someone like that, which is
why I married him. Compromising your integrity for
your job, for money, for any reason will not lead to
success.
Think Clearly - If you are my age you
grew up in a time of revolution and are a part of
the "feel good" generation. Sometimes I think we are
confused about the role of thought (education,
planning, skills and tools) verses emotion. I will admit
to letting my hopes, wishes, fears, or "hang-ups" run
my life. But if I want to succeed I must take time
to think clearly, seek expert advice (my girlfriend Faye
keeps me on track for that one), plan wisely, and
learn from the mistakes of others. Buildings are
always carefully designed. Our lives should be
designed just as carefully.
Unfailing
Optimism - Ahh, this is where I fail most often. This is
not shallow "positive thinking", but a clear-headed,
conscious faith in the future and in my own
potential. "Where there is a will, there is a way," To
succeed we must believe in our skills, in our plans,
and in our futures. So move ahead with confidence
built on integrity and careful planning.
Hard Work - Many times it takes a lot of hard work.
Sometimes accomplishments come easily, you get in
the groove, so to speak. But for the most part success
in life usually requires dedication, personal discipline,
attention to detail, and effort.
And lastly, Patience and Persistence. After all "Rome
wasn't built in a day". It takes time to develop a life of
one's own. You will make mistakes and take wrong
turns and you may even spend some time in Dr.
Seuss' "waiting place". But don't be surprised or
disheartened. Just go to bed, get a good night's sleep
and start again in the morning. Learn from your
mistakes, correct them, and move on, taking what you
learned with you.
Don't try to "reinvent the
wheel". Remember the fundamentals never change,
just keep following them and you can find success.
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Grace and Peace,
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