The Sardine Can Bar 
Downtown, Green Bay, WI
"Always Packed"
visit our killer website at www.thesardinecan.com  
Wednesday, August 3rd, 2011 Update 

More planks from our

future President-erect Boyd!

While Boyd's campaign is in the process of updating the Sardine Can website, printing campaign literature and taking press photos, the candidate himself has come out with a few more candid, refreshing campaign planks that he is announcing formally:

1) As President, I will enact a flat tax. 
    Ladies, if you are flat, you have to pay a tax.  
    Since I will be making all boob jobs tax deductible, you should take
    advantage of the tax break!!  You will be happier, your man will be
    ecstatic and since ObamaCare will ruin the health-care industry,
    plastic surgery may be it's only salvation.

2) All welfare recipients must pass a drug test.  If people that work
    have to pass one, people that don't DEFINITELY should.  I will
    legalize marijuana, but if you test positive for that, no welfare for
    you either.  If you have money for drugs of any kind, you don't
    need welfare.

3) You have to show an ID when you vote.  You have to show one
     to drink shitty beer at my bar - then you should have to when
     voting, which arguably is more important than boozing at The Can.
     Arguably.

3) You should be able to start you own retirement account with the
    money you normally put into Social Security.   The government just
    wants that money so they can keep spending it.  You know what's in
    the Social Security trust fund.  Nothing - they spent it already.  That's
    why when the debt ceiling debate came to a head, you never heard
    anyone say we could just use the trust fund to send out Social
    Security checks did  you?  Washington not only spends your money,
    they STEAL it too.
   
    In the private sector this kind of financial dealing puts you in a cell
    with a dude name Bubba.  In Washington, it gets you a sweet
    retirement package and a talking head job on TV when the people
    finally wise up and vote your ass out.

4) The big word flying around Washington right now is "compromise."
    I truly believe in compromise.   A few examples:
 
   a)  If your woman wants medium-sized fake boobs and you want
        the size labelled "gargantuan bolt-ons", settle for the next size
        down labelled "obscene porn star rack." 

   b) If your woman says you have a small dick and you think it's
       adequate, settle on describing it as "IED" or "Impressive Explosive
       Device"

   c)  If somebody says you've had too much to drink and you think
        you are fine to drive, compromise by calling a cab (after you
        proceed to get shitballs drunk).

   d)  If somebody (just for sake of conversation of course) says you
        are a foolish, heartless, boozehound with no chance at
        being elected President, compromise by telling them to eat a dick.  

 

ELECT BOYD.   

BECAUSE CHANGE IS HARD.  ROCK HARD.

 

 

See you on the campaign trail!!!

 


 --------------------------------------------------------------------------   

 

 

Upcoming Bands/Events  

Wed Aug 3rd - Farmer's Market with Shaker

                        and the Egg Band.  6 - 10 pm

                  in the Tiki Bar 

 

Thur Aug 4th - Taste of Broadway!!!
                        Gin will play outdoors in our
                        Tiki Bar from 6 - 10 pm.

 

Sun Aug 7th -  Bombus Patellae

                        7-piece Rock group with horns!

 6-10 pm.   Outdoors. 

 

 

 
Great photos from Saturday nite...
char
africagirlguypointingtoboobsheatherg


To see all the photos from July
click on the link below:

Photo Gallery  

 

 
_______________________________

This week's best:

Quote of the week:

Boy:   Momma, I know what gay is.
Mom: Really, what is it?
Boy:   When a boy likes another boy.
Mom: That's right.  What is it when a girl
         likes another girl?
Boy:   Cool.

         Note:  The boy is Lawton, age 9   

 

 

 ------------------------------------------------------

Lazy worthless chain-smoking tip-whores working this weekend are:

Wednesday, Aug. 3rd (Farmer's Market):
Happy hour: Sadie S, Amber, Megan,Jen K
Late nite:      Boobzilla

Thursday, Aug 4th: (Taste of Broadway)
Happy Hour:  Jen V and Mel
Late nite:       Melanie, Megan, Sadie S, Boobzilla

Friday, Aug 5th:
Happy Hour:   Jen V and Mel
Late nite:        Sadie B, Amanda, Susie, Ashley, Chris

 

Saturday, Aug 6th:

Day shift:        Chris Hansen (seriously!!)   

Late nite:        Zim, Sadie B, Jacque and future  

                       President Boyd to MC the vibrator races!