Wednesday, September 15th, 2010 Update

Packers Update:

Packers defeat Eagles in Week 1.

Clay Matthews tells other defensive players to take rest of year off.

AP:
Sources in the Packer locker room after Green Bay's defeat of the Philadelphia Eagles on Sunday quote 2nd-year stud linebacker Clay Matthews as telling every other Packer defender to "take 5 for the rest of the season". He also added: "Not to take anything away from my teamates, but I just have to jump around them anyway. They just get in the way of my awesomeness".

Clay isn't exactly boasting when you look at his game stats:
- 2 sacks
- 7 tackles
- 1 forced fumble
- 1 pass broken up
- 1 quarterback slain
- 4 O-linemen in tears
- 14 cheerleaders
   ravaged
- 1 fighter jet swatted
   out of mid-air during
   the pre-game flyover
   because it showed
   up too early and
   Clay couldn't hear
   the end of the
   National Anthem
   which "torqued him
   off"

Sources also say GM Ted Thompson is actually considering this action since "....we'd save an a**load of money that we could use to sign another player like him that eats gravel and sh*ts lightning. And think of all the money we'd save not having to haul all those other whiny, fat, lazy a**es to away games. Oh, don't print that."

There was no mention of this possible strategy during Coach McCarthy's post-game press conference, but he was quoted off-camera as saying: "Clay Matthews is a f*ckin beast. That m*therf*ckin' c*cksucker scares the everloving sh*t out of quarterbacks and will make Brett Favre drop a huge steamy f*ckin' load in his Depends when we play the Vi-Queens. God damn, that will be f*ckin' beautiful......... Oh, don't print that."

Time will tell if the Packers go the "Clay-only" route, but sources say they may test the idea in next week's game versus the Bills - a pathetic opponent with no chance against the Pack. (Note: to prep for a game against the Bills the Packers usually scrimmage against a team from the local cosmetology school since it simulates the expected competition closely. However, these practices are closed to the public to save Justin Harrell from being embarassed).

Where would Clay lineup in a "Clay-only" defense? When asked, Clay said: "Wherever I feel like bringing down maximum thunder." We'll see what happens next Sunday.

Special Appearance:
Clay Matthews' hair will be signing autographs this Thursday from noon - 3pm at the Lambeau Field Atrium. Clay himself will not be attending. Autograph seekers are asked to bring a can of gravel for Clay to eat before the game.