Wednesday, August 25th, 2010 Update

Terry & Steph get married!
tandsteph

This is not really a story about a beautiful wedding last weekend uniting two of our friends in holy matrimony. This is a story of some of our friends who turned the event into a boozing roadtrip for the ages. Oh sure, the bride was gorgeous, the reception was posh and the band killed. Those things we knew for sure in advance.

What we didn't know was how much wisdom we could collect over three short days of liver punishment.

Without further ado, the facts of the weekend by our field reporter and group boozing leader Amber Golden:

20 Facts of the weekend
by "the Amber Golden"

1. It takes 9 hours to drive from Dyckesville to Egg Harbor when you are on a "filthy runner"
2. Any venture started at the Oakridge Bar & Grill is bound to turn into an ad-venture
3. If you stumble upon a random dive bar that you don't like, let Zim use the bathroom-he's bound to clog up the toilet which will then proceed to overflow, seeping out from under the bathroom door into the bar, which then leads to you being asked to leave said bar.
4. If you stumble upon a random dive bar that you like, make Zim go outside and pee on a tree.
5. Half a chicken sandwich and copious amounts of Absolute and water don't make for a balanced diet for a day (even if you add lemons and limes into the drink).
6. Anyone named Butch is shady.
7. Bumper pool is an old-person game, which is why Boyd kicked our asses at it.
8. I've been told that Friday night was a lot of fun.
9. Young blonde girls who know their old country songs like nobody's business kick ass!!! That girl totally trumped me.
10. Seeing Boyd kneeling on a church pew is a damn funny sight.
11. Hangovers that don't start until 4 pm the next day translates into one hell of a good night the night before. Hangovers that start at 4 pm the next day sure put a damper on that day's drinking potential.
12. I now know why Brett wins the green jacket every year for the Master's Bar Tour.
13. Profound knowledge from my dear friend Zim, which I will carry with me always, is this "There are only two ways to avoid a hangover. Never start drinking or never stop drinking".
14. Watching a girl (who may have been drinking a little bit) fall and crash into a live band and take out half the horn section, an amp, the microphone stand, a music stand and a box fan is fantastic. The band immediately said, and I quote, "We need to take a short break" while holding up the crumpled box fan. Priceless.
15. Dancing with your shoes off to a live band with your friends is awesome and it helps you sweat off the booze so you'll feel better in the morning.
16. If you go to a shitty bar on Friday night chances are that when you go back to that same bar on Saturday night, it's still going to be shitty.
17. Finding a rubber sole of a shoe in your condo in the morning is funny. Learning that it's Charlie's from his wedding shoes and the fact that he has no idea how it broke off is funnier. Watching Charlie hobble around for the rest of the morning on unbalanced shoes searching for his car in the parking lot is the funniest.
18. Driving back past Oakridge Bar & Grill exactly 48 hours later makes my stomach churn. Realizing you can only remember half of those 48 hours makes my face smile.
19. Dignity cannot be reclaimed in a lost and found box in the hotel lobby.
20. Stephanie and Terry threw a fantastic wedding. Job well done!