The Sardine Can Bar 
Downtown, Green Bay, WI
"Always Packed"
visit our killer website at www.thesardinecan.com
January 13th, 2010 Update
Cycling Santa 2009 is in the books!!!
boydassanta
Our 3rd Annual Cycling Santa Pub Crawl is a drunken success.  That is if you consider getting piss-in-your-pants drunk and tossed from a titty bar a success.  Photos from this year's debacle can be seen at:
Cycling Santa 2009

A complete re-cap of the event is in This Week's Smack.  Truly repugnant boozing. 

Vibrator Bracket Update
Our 1st Annual "Push to the Pink" Vibrator Tournament is complete and the winner's are:

Severin G.  38 points ($200)
Wendy G.   29 points ($100)
Tyler S.       27 points (12-pack of Hamm's)

Severin G. is the only player who picked Lickity Stiff as the winner of the tournanament.

1st place is $200 cash
2nd place is $100 cash
3rd place is a 12-pack of Hamm's

We have posted the final bracket at the top of our home page under the "Vibrator Results" link.  The winner of every race is listed.

Join the Alumni Club!!

The new Alumni Club sweatshirts are in.  The Alumni Club is a great deal: $25 gets you a year-long membership, Alumni Club sweatshirt, special Club parties and most importantly, happy hour prices all the time on weekdays.  We sold out last year, so get in to the Can and get your membership ASAP.  

Click below to:
Get on our email list ya douche!!!

Sardine Can Alumni Club
Specials this Month
Sunday - $3 Bloodies and $4 pitchers (domestic)
Monday - Buy 1 get 1 FREE
Tuesday - $1 tappers (domestic)
Wednesday -  Drink FREE 8-9 (excludes shots)
Thursday - Buy 1 get 1 FREE and free hot dogs
---------------------------------------------
Upcoming Events
Saturday, January 30th 2010...  Winterfest on Broadway.  For more details go to:
http://www.winterfestonbroadway.com/

Saturday, Feb 20th, 2010.....
Harry the Hipster Reunion
DaveandBri
                                                                 

This Week's Smack

Cycling Santa Recap
Saturday, Dec. 26th was the date of our 2nd Annual Cycling Santa Pub Crawl  (aka Santarchy).  If Santa truly drank like this his liver would explode and scatter pieces all over the North Pole.  The recap basically goes like this:

6 pm: Boyd & the boys from Birmingham, AL (Todd and Will)  arrive and change into their Santa suits.  It became too much trouble to WALK to the bar for shots so they just brought a bottle of Doctor to their table.  Early mistake - and a big one.

7 pm: The rest of the Santas/boozehounds arrive.
Everyone changes into their Santa attire and we take the obligatory group photo.  This is the last moment in the evening where the bikes actually were straddled properly.
It's snowing and the traction is bad.  Snowmobiles would be better but strapping a 100 mph toboggan on any of these lushes would be fatal.

8 pm:  We pedal over to C-Street.  The girls in slutty costumes take the "chase car" to avoid having slush shot into their hoo-ha's from spinning tires.  The only good decision made the entire nite.  We then begin to attack the booze.  Not good enough to just let it come to us.  Oh no.

9 pm:  Make our way over to Jill's.   Jill's has a classic jukebox and they crank it for us.  We drink tap beer faster than Chris Farley at an open bar wedding.  They change a keg and we heckle the poor women carrying that heavy thing.  Do we help? No.  Do we booze? Yes.

10 pm:  We make a decision to head to some bar on Bodart a block away.
10:02:  We realize this bar stinks and the dumbass Santa that suggested it is stuffed in a dumpster and we lock the lid.  Douche.

10:05 We head to Van Boxel's.  This place is legendary and they have shorty beers which Boyd likes cuz they make him feel "big like a lumberjack".  Shorty beers are about two gulps and never have time to get warm. Genius.  Ya buy a 6 pack for yourself and just carry it around like a briefcase (that is when you don't need both hands for shots).  Zim takes a wicked header on his bike going over the median.

10:30  Things are pretty blurry from here, so we'll just give ya the highlights that we remember from the rest of the evening:

1) We call the Oval Office Titty Bar and Skank Stand and get a group rate.  $5 for guys, free for girls.  Why the hell do girls get in free??!! They aren't going to spend nearly as much as the guys do on booze and motorboats.   Makes no sense.  They don't even LET GUYS IN to a Chippendales show.   Bullshit double standard.

2) Zim stuffs his beard down some strippers panties and tells her  that she "needs to shave that shit".  He immediately gets the tap on the shoulder from the bouncer (threw him off cuz it reminded him of his ex-wife) and he and Boyd are ejected.  $5 cover.  5 minutes in the front row. 

3) We head back to the Sardine Can and immediately set up for the Vibrator Tournament Championship Race.  It's Lickity Stiff versus Full Metal Jackoff.  Boyd calls the race but the next day can't even remember who won.  Only reason he's not ejected is he owns the damn place. 

4) We booze until bartime then a bunch of us head over to the Blackstone for breakfast.  Another mistake atop an already huge pile.  Drunken Santas screaming "WHORE, WHORE, WHORE, MERRRRRRY CHRISTMAS!!" can't be good for business.  We climb into a cab (thank Christ) and go home and pass out. 

Aftermath on Sunday:
- Boyd found his Santa belt at the bottom of his hot tub
- We had to do a two-block search for Bri's car
- Tara is a blank after the titty bar
- None of us have any clue where our bikes are. 
- Zim has a bruise the size of a pumpkin on his leg and
  can barely walk.

If this sounds like a good time to you, join us for next year's debacle.  But before then commit suicide. 



Get me the hell out of Green Bay in January!!
Boyd is in L.A. for a couple weeks of work (yeah right) and still managed to squeeze in some golf and the BCS Championship Game at the Rose Bowl.  Bradley the Alabama Redneck went with him and they posted this ad on  Craigslist to score some tickets:

Wanted: 2 tickets to BCS game - $250 (Rose Bowl)

Date: 2010-01-07, 10:53AM PST
Reply to: sale-krrx5-1541775576@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Want two tickets to BCS Title game - Alabama vs. some crappy team from Texas (think it's the Texas School of Cosmetology). Two Tide fans heading to the Rose
Bowl right now for some pre-game activities/beer. Roll Tide!!!!! Call Bradley the big  Alabama Redneck at (205) 365-7900 and we'll meet you and pay cash. $250 each is our offer. No tickets on the Texas side!!!
(unless the girls in the adjoining seats have big boobs)
  • Location: Rose Bowl
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Boyd with the Alabama Crimsonettes before the game:
    BoydwithCrimsonettes





This week's best:
T-shirt of the week:  VAAAAAAAAAAAGINAAAAAAAAAS!!!
----------------------------------
Lazy, worthless, chain-smoking tipwhores
slinging drinks this weekend are:

Friday:
Jen W (happy hour)
Ashley, Leslie, Jen K (late nite)

Saturday:
Angie, Erica, Leah