This Week's Smack

This week's Smack is shamelessy stolen from the good people at Tshirt Hell whose weekly newsletter is pure genius.  We had to admit we couldn't come close to the quality of this week's masterpiece so we won't even try.  Enjoy.

00's Time Crapsule

As the '00s conclude, I thought I would take a look back at the era.You've likely seen many "Best of the '00s" lists lately, but unlike the nostalgia-mongers who shove their reminiscing down your throat, I'm giving you my "Worst of the '00s" list. And I don't mean a snarky critique of shitty movies or a recap of wacky stories that were overblown by the media. The last thing we need now is to make light of our own stupidity. So instead, here is my irony- and mush-free recount of a decade that proves humanity remains, at worst, truly awful, and, at best, nothing to celebrate. Don't enjoy.

Miley/Jonas/Twilight/Potter - I could go on, but you get it. And I'm not commenting on mediocrity. Mediocrity has been the bedrock of entertainment ever since some assholes convened and jacked off to the shit Shakespeare farted out of his quill. I'm referring to adults, with pubes and everything, willfully turning themselves into 10-year-olds. You can pretend you're still "with it," but at the end of the day you're just a 40-year-old cunt who remained stupid enough to enjoy stories about teenage vampires and wizards. And you can't even use nostalgia as an excuse.

MySpace/Facebook/Twitter - Narcissism is insufferable enough, but the social networking boom engendered something far worse: narcissism of the mediocre. But if a society of twats arranging pixels to give themselves a nonexistent sense of worth isn't sad enough, it's also a good example of how we see worthwhile inventions as nothing more than another opportunity to be dumb fucks. I just can't wait until we invent time travel and start a trend called past-splats where we go back in time and throw pies at historical figures. I hope you like cherry, Crispus Attucks!

Texting - It's ruining language, killing human interaction, causing accidents, dulling our senses and blah blah blah. Now here's where you say I'm resistant to change and list the bullshit positives of texting to justify your childish behavior. You know who else deluded himself to rationalize his behavior? Hitler. I don't know what that means either, but texting is gay and so are you.

Tattoo boom - No superficial display of individuality went mainstream quite like the tattoo. Thugs, hipsters, jocks and anyone else with $50 and the ability to open a three-ring binder got inked this decade. Well guess what... you didn't shock us, it's not interesting, your dead friend doesn't care that you "honored" him, and, no, you didn't get yours before everyone else. And I won't even dust off the old chestnut about looking dumb when you're 70. Because the truth is, you look dumb now.

Reality TV - It predates the '00s, but not until recently did it steamroll us like an overweight, off-key, sex organ-eating, faux-lesbian. Early years of Survivor seem like the Sopranos landing on the moon compared to the abortion parade that followed. A karaoke contest and F-listers gyrating in tights are the #1 shows on TV; sluts, midgets, leathery housewives and assholes who can't stop breeding get three seasons at will; and shows on VH1 make 2-girls-1-cup look like Masterpiece Theater. But worse than all that is what it reiterates: we just roll over and accept what is presented to us.

I could go on, but you get my point. That point? We remain, now and forever, a pretty fucking retarded species. Sure, we're less naive and have shinier toys, but it all kind of amounts to the Emperor's new clothes. Or putting a nice dress on a fat whore. Enjoy the 2010's, humanity. And here's to another 10 years of wasting consciousness!