real company limited monthly newsletter vol 2 - 2 February 2010
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Dear ,
Tis' the season for love, not only the kind with hearts, roses and chocolates, but imagine you , hot and sweaty while rolling yuh waist, throwing back yuh head, and exclaiming in total bliss "Ah love meh CARNIVAL!". Yes... love, comes in many colours.
Carnival and romance are just two kinds, there are so many shades of love in our lives to recognize. Valentines Day got me thinking about the other relationships, those that are filled with many ups and downs. The ones we share, with our partners, friends,
co-workers and family, with whom we have so many misunderstanding s, differences and unresolved issues. If we were to sweep those issues away, it will reveal that these are the people that enrich our lives, the most. So dust out those Valentines wishes and share them around liberally, because these people have given us the most opportunities to learn about ourselves.
Then there is, this relationship, the one I have with you , where you give me the opportunity to share my thoughts and passions. So allow me to.... thank you and wish you many cupids' arrows through your heart and down "yuh" spine... this Valentines.
Best regards,
Stephen Doobal
Real Company Limited_______________________________________________________________________ |
In the perfect workplace, everyone gets along. There are no disputes regarding titles, compensation, schedules, assignments or the physical environment. There are no personality conflicts and there's no sexual harassment. Each worker takes full responsibility for his or her actions and never attempts to place blame on another person or an external influence. Do you recognize this place?
No? You're not alone. Sadly, for most of us, the perfect workplace doesn't exist. Instead, our jobs often keep us at a slow boil, working harder and longer with fewer resources. Isolated from the support of the traditional extended family, we routinely juggle home and work responsibilities. No wonder many of us feel like we are living in a breeding ground for conflicts.
This is the first of a three-part series on managing workplace conflict. This month, I'll offer tips that will help defuse a conflict.
My 20 years as a mediator have taught me that most conflict is driven by emotion, not logic. Even most financial battles aren't about the money. In fact, conflicts start when someone feels devalued, dismissed or disrespected. For many of his victims, the worst consequence of Bernie Madoff's crimes is not the loss of resources, but the feelings tthey are left with--of being duped, betrayed and humiliated. These emotions will continue to fuel the fire against him. And while Madoff is an extreme case, we all need to be aware that any perceived slight can leave our customers/clients feeling less than satisfied--initiating a business loss or an unnecessary conflict.
We don't often get the whole story when the latest horrific act of workplace violence is presented in TV sound bites. But we do know that those who commit these crimes often have histories of feeling alienated and outcast. Typically, they see themselves as victims, under attack and powerless. This victim stance promotes a lack of responsibility. After all, if they are innocents, the results of their crimes are not their fault. In their mind the true villain is the company, the unfair policy or those whom they believe have mistreated them. Crisis is ignited when the outraged "victim" shifts into "hero" mode in an effort to protect and defend, and even the score. And when this search for justice twists toward the dark side, we watch horrified as the nightly news brings us another human tragedy.
Business and workplace relationships are fluid, ever-changing, ongoing--and connected to basic survival. So disagreements and stress are almost inevitable, especially in these chaotic times. Such conflicts need to be handled delicately. Finding a lasting resolution for these matters may be an unrealistic expectation. But the more you know about the nature of conflict, the better you'll be able to manage your conflicts and create positive results.
How do you define conflict? Many women see conflict as a negative struggle. And conflict can indeed be destructive when mean-spirited behaviors, aimed at fulfilling individual agendas or discrediting another party--who is now designated "the enemy"--are used. On the other hand, people who are committed to working together can usually find ways to avoid the destructive aspects of conflict. Conflicts can even be productive when viewed as opportunities for enhanced connection and expanding perspectives.
Here are my top 10 tips for positive conflict management in your workplace:
1) Approach every conflict as an opportunity to improve relationships,
lessen tension and eliminate longstanding problems.
Avoid taking things personally. Instead, treat your conflicts
as a natural consequence of close relationships.
2) Listen without judgment.
Listen to the other side and get the whole story.
Many times people simply want someone to hear what they have to say,
so cultivate your active listening skills.
3) Communicate clearly and positively.
Words and tone can convey powerful positive and negative messages. Saying "How can I help you?' rather than "What do you want?" may be all it takes to stop a conflict from escalating.
4) Keep your cool.
Uncontrolled emotions can make you look bad, no matter
how much you are provoked.
5) Learn to recognize and be conscious of the signs of
escalating conflict, within yourself and others.
When an argument escalates so that people are no longer listening to each other, call a time out. Then gauge whether a few minutes, a few hours or a few days is the best prescription before the issue is raised again.
6) Ask for a clean slate.
When stories are inconsistent or what's done is done, suggest
wiping the slate clean and starting anew, thus putting the incident in the past.
7) Focus on solving problems, not placing blame.
Ask what can be done to avoid a recurrence of the situation. Who needs to be involved to solve the problem? What are the obstacles to resolution?
8) Be proactive, not reactive.
Address conflict in a timely manner. Denying that conflict exists or failing to respond to it promptly can be costly. Unresolved issues tend to fester and grow out of proportion. When a conflict cannot be immediately addressed, set a meeting time and place to deal with it.
9) Learn from your conflicts.
Almost every disagreement contains within it an opportunity for learning.
10) "I want to find solutions that work for you and for me."
Make this your conflict management mantra. It's difficult to argue with someone who says she wants to find a mutually agreeable solution--and means it.
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The 13th-century Persian poet Rumi wrote, "Be with those who support your being." Choosing relationships that leave you feeling stronger as a result of the interaction is obviously preferable to the alternative. One of the best things you can do to foster those kinds of relationships is to make sure that you do what you can to "support the being" of your own partner.
To build the strongest connection with your partner:
1. Spend time discovering the experiences that strengthen your partner the most.
2. Create situations in which your partner will be able to experience these moments-with or without you. You needn't try to enjoy your partner's strengthening moments thinking it will bring you closer together. If you're pretending to like something that you don't, it won't.
3. Design an evening where your sole purpose is to express gratitude for your partner. Talk about all the ways your partner makes your life better, the little things that you notice and appreciate and the impact your partner has on the lives of your children, if you have them. Use specific examples to illustrate what you are saying.
4. Every week, plan to share a mutually strengthening experience together.
5. Inevitably your partner will do things that frustrate or annoy you. Strive to focus on what's working, or what "working" would look like, and then find evidence that your partner is doing it. Look for it. Believe in it. You'll be surprised when your partner begins to transform before your eyes. We get what we look for.
6. Research reveals the ways you perceive your spouse not only color your current reality, but they actually alter your relationship and thereby create your future reality. So, when looking at your spouse, choose your perceptions carefully.
When the desire to connect, support and love outshines the need to be right about your partner, you're onto something. It is a deliberate choice to look for the best in the people around us. Always look for what's working. Attention amplifies.
If you don't currently have people who strengthen you in your life, seek them out. Join groups where like-minded individuals might be meeting. Ask close friends to introduce you to their close friends. Be explicit about what you're looking for. Be truthful about what you want. It's easy to fall into a victim trap: "No one understands me." "No one gets me" "I'm never going to find someone." These can be self-fulfilling prophecies. Replace these comments with more affirming statements and then take action to make those statements a reality. Nobody is going to come knocking at your front door to ask you to come out to play. Go out and play, and people will be drawn to play with you!
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If you are like most startup entrepreneurs, you begin with only a kernel of a great idea that you believe will grow into an exceptional business. However, to achieve your greatest success, you need to tap the knowledge and experience of colleagues. Whether it's dealing with taxes or tech, or generating additional sales, working with people who have experience and alternative perspectives will improve your chances for success.
Consultants, sales professionals or part-time assistants can help you move beyond personal limitations. Here's how to stay open to new and varied viewpoints to stimulate your creativity and refocus your energy on different ways to kick-start your business.
1) Define the challenges you face, not the position you need to fill.
Clearly define the skills and experience you need to resolve your current challenges and what outcomes you expect. Providing a clear and compelling purpose establishes a solid springboard for ideas and encourages people to take action toward the same goal. It will also ensure that the people you decide to work with have the skills necessary to expand your business.
2) Challenge the notion of "this is how it's always been done."
You are continually faced with situations that can provide both opportunity and challenges. When interviewing potential team members, gain insight into their work ethics by stating your challenge and asking how they would resolve it. Seek team members who have similar values but provide unique perspectives on growing your business. They will offer solutions and strategies that you may have never thought of.
3) Get out of your office and obtain referrals.
Many people hire out of desperation. It's not until after they've worked with these quick hires that they discover it's not the right fit. Take time to interact with potential hires, and you gain an unbiased view into their personalities, professionalism and work ethic. Use your colleagues' personal insight to find and hire the best people for your team.
4) Provide regular feedback.
Become more effective and create positive energy by keeping an open line of communication with your team members. Providing continual feedback keeps your team moving forward, and it enables you to gain a better understanding of how to improve your business and better serve your customers.
5) Maintain momentum by building loyalty.
It takes time to get new team members familiar with your business and its customers. Plan regular gatherings to sustain employee morale, and recognize outstanding team members with a public thank-you or hand-written note. These acknowledgements go a long way toward motivating your team and keeping them committed to your success.
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