From Sallie Our Retreat will
CHANGE YOUR LIFE!
Cooler weather and our two retreats will be here before you know it! This is it for the year, so DO NOT WAIT!
Our retreat for both men and women is in NYC October 22-24th. Click here to register online.
Our retreat for women is in the Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX area, November 12-14th. Click here to register online
Attending a retreat will be one of the best decisions of your life.
We don't sit around and talk about what happened to us. We sensitively look at how to reclaim our lives, how to live strategically, and how to understand ourselves better, relate to God in a new way, and function in a healthier way in relationships.
The retreats go from around noon on Friday to about 3 pm on Sunday.
Don't put this off another minute! Register TODAY for one of these retreats. We have partner discounts and early registration discounts, too!
Click here for registration information. I hope to see YOU at one of these retreats! |
We NEVER share your email or contact information with anyone! These articles and other inspirational emails come to you at no cost to help you or someone you love!
Committed to Freedom,
Inc. is a non-profit organization that provides people with spiritual tools to
move beyond abuse. This communication is
provided for education and inspiration and does not constitute mental health
treatment. This communication does not
constitute legal or professional advice, nor is it indicative of a private
therapeutic relationship. Individuals desiring help for abuse related issues or
other psychological concerns should seek out a mental health professional.
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Greetings!
We hope you find this brief weekly article encouraging for you or someone you know who is working to move beyond abuse.
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(Be sure to join our weekly discussion about this article on Facebook, which is posted every Friday and remains open for ongoing participation.)
Maya Angelou, writer and poet, once wrote: I answer the heroic question, "Death, where is thy sting?" with "It is here in my heart and mind and memories."
Perhaps one of the great challenges for abuse survivors is navigating through the process of forgiveness, yet still having to live with or overcome the damage. Over the years, I've had many conversations with people who aren't sure if they have "really" forgiven people. When I press for the reasons people feel this way, it almost always comes back to the harsh realities that survivors struggle with from day to day as a result of abuse. Physical problems. Dysfunctional relationships. Addictions. Rage. Nightmares. Fear. Trust issues. Sexual chaos. Depression. Self-injury. The long list of challenges faced by abuse survivors reflects very real and ongoing battles due directly and indirectly from abuse.
I think it's important to distinguish between the act of forgiveness and the ongoing damage that results from abuse. First, let me define forgiveness: Forgiveness is the decision to release yourself from the actions and injustice committed against you (whether that is abuse or some other wrong). You make a conscious decision to continue on your life journey no longer attached to these wrongs or those who committed them. For people of faith, this decision includes not only releasing yourself FROM this attachment, but also releasing the responsibilities of justice TO God. Even if you're unable to trust God - even if you do not believe in God - you can still make a decision to release yourself from the penalty you bear because of someone else's actions. For most of us, the greatest penalty we continue to pay for abuse and injustice is that we are consumed with paralyzing bitterness. In many ways, forgiveness has almost nothing to do with the person(s) involved and everything to do with YOU releasing YOURSELF to move forward, no longer chained to bitterness. You set a prisoner free, and that prisoner of bitterness is you.
Okay, so you've done that. You've released yourself from the injustice. You sent the responsibility of injustice to God or accepted the realization that no matter how hard you try, your bitterness accomplishes nothing - other than to keep that injustice alive and growing as a festering wound. Forgiveness is a vital piece of abuse recovery, but it still doesn't erase the damage. It still doesn't FEEL like you've been released because you've got such an unjust war to fight! I think that's where a lot of people get bogged down. The bitterness is dealt with as best as it can be, and yet, you're depressed, sexually broken, plagued by trust issues, control issues, and fear.
There's so much about this that's just stinking unfair, and it is in that unfairness that you may feel bitterness come back with a vengeance. Of course, the problem with bitterness is that it deflects attention and energy away from healing and puts you right back into a counterproductive cycle. When I'm dealing with the physical damage that I live with to this day because of my abuse, it's very easy to slip back into debilitating bitterness - but that doesn't change my reality, it only compounds the difficulties I have to live with. When I am jolted awake by a terrifying nightmare where I relive the abuse, all of my energy needs to help redirect me to calm down and recalibrate so I know where I am. When I'm trying to navigate through close relationships and I feel like a stranger in another land who doesn't know the language or the customs, that discomfort can overwhelm me so much that I pin it all on my abuse and the injustice of it all. Of course, I can spin that discomfort in my head and heart until I wind up destroying precious relationships rather than taking the time to cultivate and nurture them.
Abuse, like death, has a very real sting to it long after the abuse stops. That sting is the damage - the unfair battles that you face. The sting lives in your heart and your mind (and your body) and your memories. Bitterness compounds that sting to the point that it becomes a festering sore. Forgiveness drains that bitter infection and puts you light years ahead in your journey beyond abuse, but it doesn't erase many of the issues and conditions that you're left with. There are two steps in the process of abuse recovery: forgiveness and navigation. When you feel bitterness creeping back as you struggle and thrash with the damage, be very clear and very firm with it. Bitterness will re-attach you to the injustice and drain all of your energy for the real task at hand: re-learning how to live, how to love, and how to turn tragedy into a positive force for change.
You can't change the past. You can't rewrite your history and undo what has been done to you. Forgiveness releases you to be MORE than your past. What you CAN do - what you MUST do - is to use your energies to navigate through the damage, strategize how to live, re-learn, change your perspective, and become healthy.
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With Peace and Gratitude
Committed to Freedom Ministries, Inc.
www.committedtofreedom.org
800-713-7837 or 501-623-6850 phone
501-623-8053 fax
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Facebook Discussion Group
Join in on the Friday Facebook discussion group regarding this weekly article, posted on the Committed to Freedom Group.If you're not a member of the Committed to Freedom Facebook Group, let me encourage you to join it!
We hope you find this discussion opportunity to be a useful tool for your journey to move beyond abuse.
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Register NOW to Attend One of our Life Changing BEYOND ABUSE RETREATS!
 We're only having two BEYOND
ABUSE RETREATS this year, so it's not too early to register. In
fact, if you register early, there are substantial savings. Also, if you
register with a partner, there are even further discounts.
The retreat
fees cover lodging, meals, retreat materials, and the retreat. One
is for BOTH Men and Women in Staten Island, NYC, NY the weekend of
October 22-24. Click here to register online for this retreat!One is for Women in Argyle, Texas the weekend of
November 12-14. It's just about 20 minutes from the DFW airport. Click here to register online for this retreat.Click
on this link for registration information. |
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Current Schedule for 2010
- October 1 & 2 - Responsible Care Training Seminar and Beyond Abuse Seminar - Grace Chapel, Brazil, IN - contact Mandolyn by email: vandergm@umail.iu.edu for more information. To register online, click here.
- October 8-10 - Spiritual Peace Seminar for African Women - African Services Committee, Harlem, NY - contact Andrea by email: andreap@africanservices.org for more information
- October 16 - Responsible Care Training Seminar - Vienna Presbyterian Church, Vienna, VA - contact Jeanie by email: jthom1231@verizon.net for more information
- October 22-24 - Beyond Abuse Retreat for Men and Women, Staten Island, NY - contact Anne by email: anne@committedtofreedom.org for more information
- November 12-14 - Beyond Abuse Retreat for Women, Argyle, TX (20 minutes from DFW airport) - contact Anne by email: anne@committedtofreedom.org for more information
Dates are subject to change. Please check our website for specific contact information. |
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It's Time to Schedule a Seminar for 2011!
 Our seminar fees will rise to $1,100 in 2011. However, from now until December 1st, 2010, we are offering a $250 discount per seminar for any groups that schedule one or more of our seminars for 2011 (a $100 deposit must be received after booking the seminar in order to qualify for this discount). In other words, if you schedule a seminar for 2011 by December 1st, your organization will pay $850 for the seminar. After that, the new fee of $1,100 per seminar goes into effect. Don't put this off! Our calendar fills up quickly and these seminars will change your community and change your organization!
We offer three seminars: (1) Responsible Care Training Seminar (for clergy and congregational leadership), (2) Beyond Abuse Seminar (for abuse survivors, their partners and friends), and (3) Spirituality and Childhood Sexual Abuse Recover Seminar (a secular seminar for therapists and other helping professionals).
We want to encourage you to book one of our seminars TODAY! You can read about them
by going to our website. For more information, please email information@committedtofreedom.org or give us a call: 501-623-6850 or 800-713-7837. |
 We work hard to develop powerful abuse recovery tools, including our founder's latest book, No Longer Alone. Books like The Uncaged Project and Despising the Shame, as well as Relax audio CD, the Beyond Abuse Seminar on DVD, and many other resources are available for the continuing journey toward healing. Click here to Shop our resources today. They help you, and your purchases help fund our current and developing programs. |
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Click Here to can make a secure online donation to Committed to Freedom TODAY! You can also download a donation form and mail it in. We need your generous help to continue offering the tools and resources we make available to help people to move beyond abuse.
http://www.committedtofreedom.org/donate.html
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