New Jersey is revisiting its anti-bullying laws in the hopes of making them the strongest in the country. Currently, New Jersey's law "encourages" anti-bullying classes. The new law would make them mandatory in K-12 and change language in the college codes to ensure bullying on campus could be properly punished. It's about time.

Do an Internet search for "teen suicide and bullying". The results are appalling.  Names like Phoebe Prince, Justin Aaberg and, most recently, Tyler Clementi come up. All were teenagers.  All were bullied.  All killed themselves. These students were mentally, and sometimes physically, abused and felt they had nowhere to turn.  If stronger laws were in place and there were more visible places for bullied kids to turn, there is a good chance they would still be alive today.

Bullying is something everyone knows happens in schools and, many think, is a rite of passage.  It's not. It's merely a way for insecure kids (the bullies) to make themselves feel better by picking on weaker kids about things they can't change: their looks, their weight, their sexual orientation. The kids who are bullied carry these scars with them forever. However short that forever might be.

Legislators should stop focusing on winning votes and start competing to hold the top prize of "best protectors for those who cannot protect themselves".  They should compete to have the strictest bullying laws in the nation. To date, Massachusetts holds this honor. New Jersey, if they pass their new "Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights" will steal the trophy. Let's encourage our representatives to participate in this competition to see which state can best stand up for its residents.

We need to protect kids who are bullied and this protection needs to come from the top and the bottom. Tell your local governments to support anti-bullying legislation in the names of the thousands of kids who are bullied each day, and sign the Change.org petition telling New Jersey to pass the Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights.

Photo Credit: db photographs

BullyingInfo.org

BullyingInfo.org is a project of the Interagency Working Group on Youth Programs (IWGYP) focused on providing tools and resources for youth, parents, teachers and mental health providers to prevent and address bullying.

It Gets Better Project

"Life is no fairytale," people say, meaning there is a dearth of happy endings. But that last traditional line "and then they lived happily ever after" is not what the story is about. In most fairytales there are terrible perils and ordeals. The hero is often the victim of bullying and malevolence and must discover both internal and external resources in order to survive and ultimately triumph.  In many stories there are three sons or three daughters who in turn set off into the world to seek their fortune. Before any one of them has gone far, they encounter someone in need, an animal, a beggar, or an old man or woman. The hero is the one who stops to show kindness or to share whatever meager store of food he or she has. Later, in the time of trial, the act of kindness becomes a saving grace, and the animal or old beggar becomes a powerful ally. The bullies, or the ungenerous, generally come to a bad end, though sometimes the former victim chooses to help them and restore them to the human family.  I grew up reading fairytales and then novels that were inspired by fairytales. I just missed the chance to read Harry Potter to my then teenaged children who read the book themselves and now and then read bits out loud to me. Unlike many adults, I never became a Potter aficionado, but it always makes me happy to see children lugging around huge books and losing themselves in long, imaginative stories of children who have to face danger and cruelty with bravery and wit.  I can't help but wonder if lives have actually been saved because of stories, the lasting solace and courage people find in them. And I can't help wondering if lives are being lost because people have no stories or are in the wrong story. Is the despair of victims and misfits more abject because they can't foresee a reversal of fortune, feel bereft of allies, can't conceive of themselves as heroes in disguise? Are the bullies more vicious for having no mirror held up to them, no warning of the consequences of cruelty to character and fate?  We are living in harsh times where fear and insecurity are increasing our human tendency to scapegoat and bully. The internet which, like any tool can be used for good or evil, has made it easier for people to be cruel anonymously and for the acts of cruelty to be more indelible. It's bad enough to be taunted on the playground or in the cafeteria, but when cruelty can go viral, the victim must feel even more helpless, even more without a refuge. It should be noted that while anyone can be a victim for any reason, hatred of gay men and boys seems to be particularly virulent of late.  There is no one antidote to bullying. Schools are definitely on the frontline of response and my heart goes out to parents who must navigate the complex and treacherous worlds of social media. One of the most moving responses to the targeting of gay teens is Dan Savage's It Gets Better Project where older gay and lesbian people tell their own stories of trial and ultimate triumph. Critics say the project does not go to the root of the problem or address some of the prejudices within the GLBTQ community. But I can imagine these stories acting as life lines to someone in the midst of what seems like hopeless, endless suffering.  We need to foster a culture of storytelling in schools, in community and religious centers: People of all ages telling stories, of all sexual orientations and ethnic, economic and religious backgrounds. We also need to foster the art of listening to a story, for in hearing another's story we suspend fear and judgment and come to identify with the teller, no matter how different he or she appears to be. We need a curriculum in all schools that approaches literature as the healing art it can be. We need to rediscover stories as a source of courage, resourcefulness, and compassion.