Why is this true? To answer it, we must first define beauty. In this context, beauty is defined as being imperfectly open, tender, curious and even uncertain.
Does having difficulties somehow makes us better, more beautiful of a person?
I believe it does. But this is not true of everyone. Some people's suffering form layers of fear and resentment and they are unable to access their own tender, curious being. They have not "learned" the mysterious art of healing. How does it happen to one and not to another?
We can always consider the nature/nurture discussion and all the variables that go with that, but I simplify the response...
The softening begins when people who have been traumatized reach out to others. In the words of Viktor Frankl, holocaust survivor and author of Man's Search for Meaning, "True meaning of life is to be discovered in the world rather than within man or his own psyche, as though it were a closed system...The meaning of life always changes but it never ceases to be...by either creating work or doing a deed, by experiencing something or encountering someone...and by the attitude we take toward the unavoidable suffering."
We are social animals who (can only) find meaning and purpose by making meaningful connections to each other.
In my roles as a therapist and adjunct professor at the local Community College, I get to see this in action. I tell students the same thing---the difference of those who make it through college (suffering!) is not sheer text book smarts nor a great memory, but the ability to know you need help (connect with others) and then to get it!! Using resources and making meaning of their pursuit makes all the difference.
The Mind-body connection is key to surviving and thriving through such difficulties.You can go through your life thinking you are free but something within just doesn't feel right. When you experience freedom within your heart, mind and body you begin to change. Inside your heart you know that "all is well." It is felt in the bones. Those of you who have been through a process like this know what I am pointing toward - a peace within and outside of our selves.
In my work with survivors, I have witnessed this completeness and connection over and over again. Often times it is during a gentle, guided relaxation or a small movement or breathing exercise.These are non-complicated (non-intellectual) ways to connect to self or lost parts. People begin to know and feel rather than think and guess their way in the world. For further exploration on the topic, please make use of the mind-body links below, speak to a mental health provider, attend one of my workshops, or set up a FREE consultation to ask any questions.
I hope your self-care is kind! | 
