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Strengthening Relationships, Building Community
April 2008
Greetings!

The Mosaic Coalition, which the NY Center co-sponsors with Wagner College, has been engaged in strategic planning, so diversity is much on our minds this month. In addition, our leadership group has been looking at ways to improve programming for parents. Put them together and you get this month's issue - teaching your child tolerance.

We hope you'll find these ideas and resources useful.

All the best,
The editor
In This Issue
April Headlines
Why is his skin so dark?
Five Suggestions for Teaching Your Child Tolerance
Personal Bias - A Reflection Exercise
On My Mind - Dom's Wanderings
Five Teaching Tolerance Headlines
April Headlines

NYCID College Tour

Expanding Horizons: Last week 28 students from our high school after-school programs hopped on a bus for a trip to Delaware State University to get a taste of college life. They leave Staten Island questioning whether college makes sense. They return charged up. Ready to make it happen.

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We've lost a mediator. Our sympathy goes out to the family of Jacqueline Dobson who volunteered for many years in our community dispute resolution center. She took pride in serving her church and her community. We will miss her.
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Save the date and clean the closets: We're having a fundraising Auction on June 5th, (See the calendar for details.) This event, co-chaired by Maryann Lauria & Lindy Marrazzo, will include both a silent and live auction. You'll eat well and have a good time bidding on items that range from Yankees tickets to a vacation in the Caribbean.

You can help us make the event a HUGE financial success by donating that time-share vacation week you never use. Or, that painting that doesn't work now that you've redecorated. Or a sample of your woodworking craftsmanship, a handknit sweater, or opera tickets. Call or email Mike Baver with your items, or to purchase tickets.
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An invitation from the Mosaic Coalition: If you care about building a community where people bridge the racial, ethnic, and other barriers that keep us isolated and mistrusting of one another, you can help us shape our next few years. Visit our website; join the listserv. Share your ideas.

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Yes, We're Still Recruiting  The best employees come to us through people we know. Do you know someone who'd like to work for the NY Center?
  • Personal Advocates - Full-time only. BA in social work or other human service field and youth development experience preferred. SI & Brooklyn locations.
  • Career and Education Counselor, full-time, masters-level and related experience preferred. Brooklyn.
  • Internship and Job Developer, full-time, masters-level and related experience preferred. Brooklyn.
  • Tutors, part-time. Bachelor degree required; certified teacher preferred. Staten Island.
If you know someone interested in one of these positions, have them email their resume to Candace Gonzalez.


MOM, why is his skin so dark? 

Toddler photo

"MOM, why is his skin so dark?"

The question was about my 2-year-old son but directed at a woman standing behind me. I glanced over my shoulder and saw the deep red creeping from the woman's collar into her cheeks as her young son continued to tug at her pant leg.

"Jimmy, it doesn't matter what color he is," she said over a nervous giggle. "He's a little boy like you."

I took my son by the hand and turned him around to face Jimmy.

"His skin is dark because my skin is dark. We're black," I told Jimmy and his mother. "He's black because his parents are black, just like you're white because your parents are white. And, his skin is beautiful just like yours."

Jimmy's mom was speechless and a lovely crimson by now, but according to the experts, I did the right thing.

Living in America means being in a society where many of the folks don't look like you, talk like you or walk like you. Being parents in America means being able to explain these differences to our children.

 
Except from a column by Denise Watson in The Virginian-Pilot

FIVE SUGGESTIONS FOR TEACHING YOUR CHILD TOLERANCE

 

From Tolerance.org

Illustration from Tolerance.org

We've reviewed a number of resources and selected a few tips to pass on to you. Follow the links in the right side-bar for more information.

Acknowledge differences: Children notice differences and ask questions quite naturally. Point out the many differences among people, even in the same family. Not just skin color, hair, eyes, body size and shape, disabilities, age. Note, however, none of those differences makes people scary, dirty, or unworthy.

Use the intolerance you see as a teaching moment: whether it's in person at the supermarket, on television, or around the neighborhood, talk about why it's wrong and the attitudes and values you have in your family.

Walk the Talk: The burden is on every parent to build social interactions that include people of all different types.  Honor multi-culturalism when you're choosing a neighborhood, a school or after school program. Provide opportunities for your kids to work and play with those different from them. Teach your family traditions to your children and to others interested in the diversity you have to offer.

If your child is a victim of prejudice: First, ensure their physical safety. Bring the incident to the attention of those in charge where it happened. Reinforce your child's sense that this was wrong. Help them prepare for how to handle future incidents.

If your child is the one making bias remarks: stop the behavior immediately. Explain the error behind their comments, and how hurtful unfair comments are. You might try a reverse role-play to give your child a sense of what it's like to be picked on because of a difference. If they are copying bad behavior they witness in a close adult, explain that you love that person, but that particular behavior is wrong, and not to be emulated.


PERSONAL BIAS - A REFLECTION EXERCISE
eyes by BRIBRI


Explore your experiences with and attitudes about difference by asking yourself these questions from Tolerance.org.


  1. The first time I became aware of differences was when ...
  2. As I was growing up, my parent(s) taught me that people who were different from us were... [that people who were like us were ...]
  3. A time I was mistreated [A time I mistreated someone] because of my own difference was when ...
  4. I feel most [least] comfortable when I am around people who ...
  5. The memories I have of differences affect my parenting by ...
  6. How wide is my circle of friends? How diverse is my holiday card list?
  7. How integrated is my neighborhood? My child's school? My workplace? Why is that?
  8. Do I take economic segregation and environmental racism for granted?
  9. Do I receive information about other cultures from members of those cultures, or from potentially biased, third-party sources?
  10. How often am I in the minority?
Please help us expand our circle of friends. Use the "Forward email" link below to send this newsletter to someone you think would be interested. Your friend's address is protected. We don't keep it and won't use or sell it.
ON MY MIND 
Dom's Wanderings
Dominick Brancato

In 1985, Mary Ann and I began our search for a house on Staten Island.

I had a new job with the YMCA and we wanted to live in the community where I worked. Each weekend we'd take the trek to Staten Island and a carefully prepared realtor would show us yet another selection of south shore houses.

And, each weekend we'd end the afternoon by suggesting we look on the north shore, closer to where I'd be working.

The realtor just couldn't do it. He couldn't bring himself to show us anything on the north shore. We pressed - and were considering finding another realtor. He finally explained, although not in these words, people move to Staten Island for the white neighborhoods and  schools. That means a house on the south shore.

My reply, in exactly these words, "Do you think I want to raise my kids in a neighborhood of bigots?"

Yes, I know everyone on the south shore is not a bigot. I was making a point to the realtor.

Mary Ann and I were choosing to Walk the Talk. It was important to us to send our kids to a school with children of many backgrounds.

We found a great house on the north shore. The school was like a meeting of the United Nations.

My children are adults now, but still close with their Staten Island school friends - a diverse lot, to be sure.

Was it worth it? I think our whole family would offer a resounding yes! We have felt truly blessed as we have shared holidays and traditions.

Our children see the world as a friendly place - one offering opportunities, not danger. I hope they'll do the same for their children.

Let me hear from you.

All the best,

Dom


p.s. If you're interested in SI's current demographics, the Mosaic Coalition has them on their planning website. You can see them here.


FIVE TEACHING TOLERANCE RESOURCES
Dom's sig
Playtime: online activities - fun things to do with your children that entertain and teach respect for differences, from Tolerance.org

Teaching Tolerance: Beyond the Golden Rule - A PARENT'S GUIDE to Preventing and Responding to Prejudice written by Dana Williams from Tolerance.org (an excellent free handbook (pdf) you can  download)
Our Calendar
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ACT Classes
Helping separating or divorcing parents  understand how to help their children cope with the changes. Visit our calendar for this month's dates.

June 5th
NY Center Fundraiser Auction
6 - 9:00 pm at
Temple Israel, tickets $25. Contact Mike Baver at 718-947-4121
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