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Strengthening Relationships, Building Community
March 2008
Greetings!
Parenting is tough. We devote this issue to exploring the ways we are learning to help parents. We hope some of the ideas will be helpful to you and that you will share your successful strategies with us.

Enjoy the return of spring!
The editor
In This Issue
March Headlines
Offering Parents Help
Five (achually 9) Resources
On My Mind - Dom's Wanderings
March Headlines

Dom's sig

OLYMPUS ACADEMY  now enrolling students for September 2008. Do you know a young person in need of the academic and personal support?  Do they live within a reasonable commute of Carnarsie? We are now enrolling students in our learning to work transfer school, Olympus Academy, for September, 2008. Contact Cherise Cooper-Matos, Director, for more information. 

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NY CENTER ADVANTAGE  AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAM OPENS at PORT RICHMONDHIGH SCHOOL: the NY Center has secured an Advantage grant to reopen our after-school program. We will offer 75 young students with grade averages between 60 % and 75% academic support, youth development activities, and mentoring from student advocates. Welcome back to Mike Candella who ran our successful New Beginnings program. Mike is leading this initiative for us.

*****

We're  Recruiting  The best employees come to us through people we know.
  • Personal Advocates - Full-time and part-time after school. BA in social work or other human service field and youth development experience preferred. SI & Brooklyn locations.
  • Career and Education Counselor, full-time, masters-level and related experience preferred. Brooklyn.
  • Internship and Job Developer, full-time, masters-level and related experience preferred. Brooklyn.
  • Tutors, part-time. Bachelor degree required; certified teacher preferred. Staten Island.
If you know someone interested in one of these positions, have them email their resume to Candace Gonzalez.


OFFERING PARENTS HELP 

Parent & Child

Photo by brighterworlds

Study after study shows that children do best with the support of two parents - talking with them about the world, reading with them, involved with their school and homework, cheering them on. And, despite the reactions parents get from teenagers, adolescents need that support just as much as younger children.  We just have to adjust our methods.

Under the best of circumstances, parenting can be a daunting task. No one is born knowing how to parent well. Fathers and mothers may bring different child-rearing practices and perspectives that can raise conflicts they need to resolve. And, even the best of parents learn as they go.

Unfortunately, few of the NY Center's youth participants live in the best of circumstances. Their parents often no longer live together, or never did. Unemployment, mental health, substance abuse problems interfere. A parent's limited English, negative feelings about school, or lack of confidence in their own academic skills may serve as barriers to helping their children learn. Or, lacking the skills to deal with their child's behavior problems, parents may withdraw in defeat.

So, how can an agency like the NY Center help parents build healthy, supportive relationships with their children? How can we help them revive deteriorating relationships with their adolescents? And, how can we compensate for that missing parental support when, for whatever reason, it's not forthcoming?

These issues loom large in all our program planning and case discussions. This year we are studying the research and trying new approaches. Here are some of the things we're doing.

 
Get to know parents early and under the best of circumstances

When staff are familiar and trust is established early on, parents find it far easier to be partners rather than defensive adversaries. The after-school programs are trying potluck dinners and game nights to ensure parents and children have a good time together with staff. At YABC, where many teen/parent relationships are strained and some of the students no longer live at home, staff still require a parent to attend the enrollment and orientation. This one-to-one session with the student advocate not only explains the program and mutual expectations, it facilitates building the rapport we need when problems inevitably arise. Many parents leave asking, "Can't I come here, too?"

Recognize changes in behavior and deal with them as early as possible

Robert, a second grader, was suddenly disruptive in class and in the after school program. He was angry and not paying attention. Staff knew that his mom had just remarried, and Robert spent every other weekend with his dad in New Jersey. Staff already provided Robert extra individual attention, but this behavior was new.

Henry, our after-school director there, immediately reached out to Robert's mom.  As the story unfolded, an on-going custody fight had turned bitter. Robert now felt like he needed to choose sides.

With that knowledge, Henry brought Robert's team together -- his parents, guidance counselor, advocate -- to develop a consistent approach to supporting Robert. He was also able to offer Robert's parents referrals to both the classes for separating parents (ACT) and child custody mediation services.

Pay special attention to transitions in the life of children and their families

Young girlStephanie has two children, is currently separated, and is in the process of divorcing. Her husband couldn't control his temper. Every encounter triggered an argument. The children were becoming withdrawn and having trouble sleeping. Their grades were slipping.

Her husband didn't want to take the ACT classes for separating parents, but Stephanie went.  Encouraged by what she'd learned about how to support children through this transition, she made an effort to share the information with her husband. He surprised her. He, too, wanted the best for his children; he was more open and receptive than she expected. Their marriage can't be healed, but they  now work together to ensure that their children don't pay a price for their failed relationship.

Include parents as part of the team

Last fall, John Jones, a McKee freshman, started attending McKee After Three's open gym/recreational activities. He joined the after school program on his own and made new friends quickly and easily. Although he's an exceptionally bright young man, he paid more attention to the excitement of his freshman year than his studies. His mother was shocked when his first report card showed low grades. She immediately restricted his activities and required him to go home immediately after school.

Noting his absence, Regina, site coordinator at McKee After Three called his mother. Ms. Jones explained that she restricted him to home. John's report card was disappointing -- the lowest ever -- and more and more frequently when she tried to talk to him things escalated into arguments.

Together, Ms Jones, Regina, and John worked out an agreement. John could attend recreational activities as long as he attended the tutoring and homework help, too. It's a good agreement. John's attendance is great and his grades have improved significantly. In follow up conversations, Ms. Jones has expressed her gratitude to the McKee After Three staff for John's improved report card, as well as his positive attitude and cooperation at home. We thank her for joining our team to ensure that John gets the support and activity he needs.

Recognize parent needs

Based on our experience with court-mandated parenting education (our ACT classes), we know that even parents who don't want to attend can benefit from parenting classes. This year we're expanding our offering of classes. We'll be offering Parenting Wisely at several of our sites. We selected this model curriculum because it's tailored to each age group and is also available in Spanish.

But parenting classes aren't enough. Parents need help with all the issues that can impact family life. Our student advocates become a source of information and referral for them. And, at Curtis High School, we've begun offering classes for parents to help with employment issues - medical billing and customer relations, to start.

Provide students additional relationships with caring adults

Some students will never get the nurturing they need at home. Staff can never replace parents, but student advocates may offer the only positive nurturing some children will get. But, that's for another issue.

Note: we have changed names and some details to protect individuals' privacy.

 

FIVE RESOURCES FOR PARENTS AND THOSE WHO WORK WITH PARENTS

 

Homework Help

Here are five resources you may find helpful:

Helping your child with homework -  a downloadable PDF available in  English and Spanish from the US Department of Education

Family Guide - Keeping Youth Mentally Healthy and Drug Free (SAMHSA)  - This website is chock full of information and advice for parents.

Parents -The Anti-Drug- Need we say more? You may be especially interested in help recognizing the signs of substance abuse and the information about teen abuse of prescription drugs found in family medicine cabinets.

Love is Not Abuse - Dating violence is escalating among teens and the time to begin prevention is with with middle schoolers. Liz Claiborne, Inc. has captured the attention of youth development professionals first with their dating violence survey, and now with their  award-winning handbooks for parents, professionals, and kids. Visit their site 
to read the survey and download any of the handbooks.

Five for one: Visual Thesaurus, one of this editor's favorite sites, offered these links for parents, teachers, and youth workers  to inspire and challenge students. (Warning: These are not for the Internet-challenged!)

Motivator ; Talk Shoe ; Bubblr ; Vaestro ; Blurb

Photo by Cayusa


Please help us expand our circle of friends. Use the "Forward email" link below to send this newsletter to someone you think would be interested. Your friend's address is protected. We don't keep it and won't use or sell it.
ON MY MIND 
Dom's Wanderings
Dominick Brancato

Being a parent is one of the most rewarding things I've done in my life. But, as my kids have often told me, I'm no expert. Before they reached adulthood I looked for all the advice and support I could get. (Now they give me advice.)

When I think about all the new challenges that complicate parenting today -- how do you deal with cell phones, instant messaging, myspace, and internet predators, for example -- my mind swims.

We don't have all the answers, but staff here are working hard to absorb the research and adopt proven strategies.

This issue is, we hope, the beginning of a dialogue with you about parent needs and useful resources.

Please send me your comments.

Regarding a SI transfer school for September 2009 - Last month we discussed the urgency of finding space for a SI transfer school.

Ms. Martin, in a letter to the editor of the SI Advance, pointed out that Concord High School is a SI transfer school. In fact, it is an excellent one.

There are three differences between Concord and the new, proposed school, however:

First, to be admitted to Concord a student must have earned ten credits; a new transfer school will enroll the most challenging students - those who have earned as few as no credits. There's no place for them on Staten Island now.

Second, the co-leadership - DOE and a community based agency (in this case, the NY Center) -- ensures that the latest research in effective youth development gets incorporated into the program model. And, that every student has an advocate.

Third, the proposed school will use the 'learning to work model' which capitalizes on teens' interests in work. Internships, job shadowing, and career exploration are integrated into the curriculum. While we hope every student will go on to college, this model ensures that students have learned the skills and attitudes required to enter the world of work.

We have great respect for the Concord High School program. The new administration there, led by Ron Gorsky, has made great strides in their short tenure. In three years the school moved from a 'School Under Registration Review' to a 'School In Need of Improvement' to a 'school in good standing.'

We are pleased to support Concord's  efforts. In February we added our WAVE program to their after-school activities and have other joint programs in the works.

Together, our goal is to serve the needs of all Staten Island students who need alternatives to the traditional high school.

Let me hear from you.

All the best,

Dom




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