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In A Logical World
In a logical world, the stock market should have been down today. Ok don't get scared off and think I am going to do the economic stock stuff first. I tried that once and you would have thought I was serving Fois Gras at a PETA convention. We will talk about the logic or lack there of later.
In a logical world, retirement should start right after high school. Hey I did not know what I wanted to do. I was not organized. I was not ambitious. I was lazy. All I cared about was what was on the 4 channels of TV and listening to music. I did not enjoy or really know how to read. I loved to nap. Basically all the attributes of a successful retiree.
In a logical world, the human body would be designed a little smarter. No offense God or the supreme being of your choice, but think about a few adjustments.
Two small ears (Well usually small except for certain members of the Royal Family) on each side of the head. Wouldn't one big one on your forehead make more sense. When you were struggling to hear, you lean forward and say, "Huh?"
And why the hell de we have hair IN our ears? Tell me God does not have a sense of humor. My Girl Mai, who cuts me hair (Well goes through the motions and I hand her money.) is cool about the aural cavity clogged with large stem hair follicles. She just fires up the gas powered weed whacker and viola! Hair Gone. Even that would be easier if we had one big ear in the center of our face.
Ok you might say, "Brian, if we had a giant ear in the middle of our face, it would conflict with the mouth." You are right so let's move the mouth. It is 3-4 feet from the stomach (Unless you are one of God's little people then its only a foot or so away.) If the good Lord was on his game that day we would have our mouth right where our belly button is. You just walk up to the table, open the mouth and shovel it in. No sitting, no choking, no acid reflux, just eat.
If you were nauseous, think of how convenient that would be. You lean forward over the toilette and it comes right out with no lingering burning sensation or having to put your face in a place it was never meant to be put (Thank you Bill Cosby for that line.)
More importantly your mouth could spit out that water when you are done showering rather than trying to figure out where that half a cup of water comes from on the floor after every shower.
All in a logical world.
In a logical world, psychics would call you when you really needed them.
In a logical world, eating nothing but moon pies would make you weigh a lot less.
In a logical world, I should not feel guilty about doing nothing all day.
In a logical world, I would hear the voices in Devin's head, not my own.
In a logical world, I would poop on the floor and the dogs would clean up after me.
In a logical world, Devin would not call my cell when I don't have it with me.
All in a logical world.
One more for you and this is a great idea.
In a logical world, scotch would be sold as ice cubes. Think about it, we could call it Scotch Rocks. Bartenders would not have to ask how you want that served. Adults could chase the ice cream ruck down the street for some Scotch Rocks. Just get out the high ball glass, put your glass under the ice cube tray and clangity clangity, Scotch Rocks.
Today, I took Jack to school and spent most of the morning answering emails and working on getting my Outlook Calendar to sync with my iPhone. I got it, no e-mails please.
Something's never change as when Devin, Ellen, and I met, I wrote down 27 Sunday 30th 2nd. Well I had to enter all this stuff in my iPhone and Mac. Do you think I know what that meant? Heck no.
Now when I was working, I was usually the scribe or had final editing on meeting notes. If I found a note like Ted, Certs, 12, ue, Jan 2013. I might not have a clue as to what it meant.
I would just make up a meeting note like "Ted to create a scheme to get certifications up 12% annually regardless of the global unemployment figures and have the plan to me by January 2013."
Now I can't do that because it means I have to do something or Devin has to do something. I think its safer just to see what I forgot to put in the calendar.
Let's take a look at why the market did not go down today.
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Since 7/26/2012
