Neither as Good, nor as Bad
by Loren Seibold, Best Practices Editor

"I don't read the reviews. I don't believe it when they say how incredible my work is. I don't believe it when they say how bad it is." - Woody Allen

I know you've had this happen to you: the reaction after a church service is so warm, so appreciative. People say, "Wow, pastor, what an amazing sermon." Or perhaps you learn through the grapevine some wonderful thing a church member has said about you. Your hat gets a little tighter. You may not put it into words, but your heart is muttering, "I really must be fantastic. I'm on my way to greatness!"

You've had this happen, too: you hear from someone, who heard from someone, that a few church members are telling others you're an utterly terrible pastor, who is taking the church straight to hell. The message on Sabbath led people astray. You are a heretic, or for any of a number of reasons you're unsuited to pastor a church. It may come in the form of a critical letter, sent via the conference president. More rarely (because critics have a natural aversion to the procedures of Matthew 18) you may be spoken to directly by someone who believes you failed her elderly mother when she was sick, or weren't friendly enough in the rush-around before or after church. I confess to spells of discouragement after hearing such criticisms, and have even mentally composed a few resignation letters!

Here is the lesson for the week: you are neither as great as your passionate supporters say you are, nor as bad as your angry critics think you are.

You are, when it comes down to it, a fairly ordinary person--pretty close to whom your spouse and children know you to be--no matter what your admirers say. Pastors who believe their own best press get overconfident, and get into trouble. (I'm sure you can think of examples.)

But neither do you deserve abusive attacks. Pastors are prime targets for church members' transferred anger about family, about the church, about God, about their own inadequacies. A rule of thumb: when the emotional reaction is out of proportion to the offense, it's probably not about you--even when you get the blame.

The goal is a true and useful self-image: one that doesn't crush us under the disdain of others, or leave us unreflectively conceited. Robert Burns wrote, "Would some power the gift give us, to see ourselves as others see us"--impossible, without Divine help.

Thoughts on a pastor's self-image? Write BestPractices@ameritech.net.