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The Gift of Power During the Holidays
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It's time to be thankful, right? Thanksgiving is that holiday that urges us to stop and look at all that we are grateful for but for many, sitting across the table from a family member that pushes your buttons, says things that bother you or makes choices that offend you is a challenging way to spend what is supposed to be a joyous occasion. For some people, this time of year can bring forth difficult memories and painful feelings of inadequacy as families come together.
In my work with private clients, I ask them to look at these challenging relationships from a new perspective: a perspective of gratitude.
Think about what it would be like to be in such a space and not feel the need to react. Think about what it would feel like to understand that someone else's choices are a reflection on them and a lifetime of their experiences and has nothing to do with you. Think about what it would feel like to not be bothered or offended at all, enjoying yourself, regardless of who shows up for dinner.
Try focusing your energy on what you can learn from these interactions and from those people who you allow to aggravate and dis-empower you. In other words, think about challenging yourself to grow as a result of this person's choices. If you were able to sit in the presence of one of the chronic offenders and choose to see clearly that they are someone who is doing the best they can with the tools they have in their own personal tool belt in each moment, what trait would that build for you in your own life? Would it be patience? Would it be compassion? Perhaps forgiveness? What would it be for you?
Take that one step further and ask yourself, how would that one trait affect the other areas of your life? How would having more patience improve your relationships with your children, your co-workers or your spouse for example? What would forgiveness free you up to do and think as you live without such a heavy load? How would that one trait help to empower you to live your best life?
With that perspective in mind, can you see the value of this relationship in that it gives you an opportunity to see yourself better and to practice a quality that would most assuredly lead you to a more powerful existence.
This approach does not mean that we bottle up our feelings and keep our mouth shut. It means that we understand that trying to control someone else is a waste of our precious energy and that focusing on drama, builds and creates more drama. We are aware that too often perfection is expected of each of us yet not one of us is able to live up to such expectations and more often than not, fear is at the root of all poor behaviors. When we absorb the negativity of someone else's choices and we let them affect us in ways that cause us frustration, guilt and defensiveness, that is giving away our power. So how do we not dread these interactions this year and decide to enjoy the holidays? A little perspective goes a long way.
You really are that powerful.
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