Recently, I was speaking with a 5th grader about an incident that occurred at dismissal time. She boarded the bus and a few minutes later, an 8th grader sat in the seat across the aisle, looked over at her and said, "Ah, you do know, that's my seat, right?" She made a few other comments that made it clear that that was her seat. Not knowing what to say, yet knowing that there were no assigned seats, the 5th grader stayed put and just ignored the girl.
Problem solved.
In many similar instances, we choose this same reaction and there are many times where this serves us well. It seems to have served this 5th grader well. But what if there's an even better way to handle certain situations? What if we just chose to ignore the daggers someone throws our way yet not ignore the person?
What if the 5th grader said confidently yet with a humorous tone, "Gee, I didn't realize there were assigned seats?" or "Hey, I don't care where I put this heavy bag of books so tomorrow, the seat's all yours!" Regardless of the exact words used, if we examine a situation a little deeper, we find new paths to explore.
For example, after further discussion, the 5th grader let me know that this older student actually lives in a motel room with her entire family. This sheds new perspective on the situation, doesn't it? It's easy now to see what's behind such a comment and why this child would feel the need to stake a claim on a bus seat. Most of us would just write her off as an insensitive bully but what if there's more to the story? There almost always is.
The point is, we always have a choice to live from a place of compassion, figure out what might make someone tic and to look for ways to bring light to dark situations. Ignoring someone who is behaving in such a way might work and it is certainly better than giving your power away by becoming defensive, becoming someone's victim or engaging in a heated debate and may actually be a perfectly acceptable and necessary way to handle a situation.
However, it does nothing to lift the energy of the moment. It does nothing to inspire someone to make a better choice.
A final example; I was in the grocery store, walking down the aisle headed straight for a man walking towards me. We stepped to one side simultaneously, then stepped to the other, then to the other, and the other. We've all had that experience when finally one person just stops so the other can walk by. Well this particular time, the man got totally aggravated with me, rolled his eyes back and gave out a large sigh as if to say, "You are wasting my time!"
It would have been totally appropriate to ignore him and keep walking since certainly I did nothing wrong BUT why not take the opportunity to infuse a little much needed light? As we were side by side, I whispered, "I think you just wanted to dance with me!" Immediately, his face softened, he looked me right in the eye and laughed out loud.
I have no idea what makes this guy tic and what was behind his grouchy state but I do know that we all have bad days and that I can choose to ignore the person or just dodge his dagger.
This can apply to all relationships, not just those with passing strangers. Some might argue that it's giving in to someone or making excuses for someone else's behavior. I hear your argument loud and clear. I stress that with this approach, it's all about the confidence and the power you exude through your body language and tone of voice. Your response says without words, "I will not absorb your negativity and I choose to be a strong and positive influence on others ."
What are the situations in your life where compassion and a light-hearted, humorous tone behind a confident demeanor could infuse light to darkness? Is it with a co-worker who may not be skilled in interpersonal relationships or maybe a controlling mother in law who struggles with letting go? Is it a demanding boss overwhelmed under the weight of unrealistic expectations? Where in your life might you sideswipe the sword while encouraging brighter outcomes?
You really are that powerful.
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I am honored to have been asked to come back and speak at The What Women Want Series!
The Soul Purpose, 877 County St., Somerset, MA
Admission $10.00
Join us on Wed, Sept 21, 2011!
Access Your POWER: The view you hold of yourself is everything. It lays the foundation for every thought, every action and every decision you make.
Discover how choosing to be powerful not only makes a positive difference in your life, it changes the world.
6:30PM-8:30PM
Doors open at 6PM
Bring a friend!
Nourish your Body, Mind & Spirit!
Created by Janine Sullivan
Journey du Jour Enterprises
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No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of it to anyone else. ~Charles Dickens
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Through coaching, you will experience higher levels of self esteem while learning to face every challenge from a place of power. In bridging intuition with the use of traditional coaching techniques, clients soar to a higher level of awareness and are inspired to also consult and trust their own inner wisdom as a means for personal growth. Click here to schedule a 20 minute complimentary coaching session now to learn if a mentoring relationship is right for you. |
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