This was a very difficult newsletter for me to write because it's so unlike what my readers expect from me. I'm compelled to sway from the normal tone in my writing for just this month in order to address an important topic. If it makes a difference for even one person who reads it, it will have been worth the heaviness for all of us.
About a month ago, I was heading out of state for a funeral. The days before leaving, as I tended to my responsibilities, I felt intense sadness that the world had lost such a beautiful beacon of light and I was devastated for her family who had lost a devoted wife, daughter and mother. At different times throughout the day, I needed to share with others that I was leaving town. Some asked the expected questions such as, "Where are you going?" and "Why?" When I shared that I would be attending a funeral, it naturally led to the most difficult question to answer, "How did someone so young die?" In my mind, there is no stigma attached to suicide. To me it's a no-brainer that anyone who has resorted to such an act, must have been suffering in ways many will thankfully never comprehend. According to national statistics, 90% of all people who die by suicide have a diagnosable psychiatric disorder at the time of their death. Therefore, I choose to believe that most people who take their own life are not capable of thinking clearly in that moment. Quite literally, the chemicals in their brains are not functioning as they should. As a result of such beliefs, I became disheartened by the knee-jerk reactions and opinions of others as I went about my day. "I can't help it. I think that is so selfish!"
"She won't be accepted into heaven!" "How could she have done that to those that love her?" "That makes me so angry!" "How could her family ever forgive her?" My question back to them was, "Have you ever suffered from anxiety and/or depression or any other type of disorder of the brain?" Each of them said, no. Some even said things like, "I guess I shouldn't judge because I don't understand." Let me be clear. I'm not a doctor or a therapist. I don't have clinical knowledge on anxiety, depression and suicide beyond my own limited research and experience. What I do know is that we can't just wish for that pain to go away. And although not everyone depressed and anxious will go on to take their own life, people who face such disorders are truly suffering in incomprehensible ways. My intent in addressing such a difficult topic is to create more awareness surrounding just a couple of its many facets. According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, about 15 percent of the population will suffer from clinical depression at some time during their lifetime. Thirty percent of all clinically depressed patients attempt suicide. Depression does not discriminate....anyone is at risk. Oftentimes, those suffering, do so in silence. Over 8 years ago, during the time of my own encounter with anxiety and depression, nobody knew. When I did finally talk to my doctor, I was not completely honest about the intensity of my symptoms. I was angry at myself. I had no idea what was wrong with me. I kept yelling at myself to just snap out of it and I reminded myself constantly that I had no reason and no right to be feeling like I did. I "acted" as if I was fine, yet secretly, I was panic stricken, suffering from terrible insomnia and sad to the point of despair. I was confused and embarrassed and asked every day that God would just give me a sign that I would make it through the month, the week, the day and sometimes even just the night. Leading to my second area of concern is that, without question, my own struggle was brought on as a side effect of a medication. I was prescribed a drug to treat a different and common, benign, physical problem and I suddenly found myself dealing with something so much bigger. Medications can be a life saver for many, including those who suffer from anxiety and depression. However, it's important to be aware that the side effects of certain drugs could actually make such disorders worse. In fact, in a small subset of people taking certain types of medications, there is a risk of increasing suicidal thoughts and behaviors, even in those who have never experienced such thoughts before. All we need to do is watch TV for a few days to learn about how many medications (for all types of ailments), carry the warning of this very concerning side effect. Please, if you or someone you know is suffering, TALK. Share how you are feeling with others. When we share our stories, we realize that we're more alike than we know and our experiences and compassion may serve as a life saver for someone else. Seek help from a professional and support from family and friends. Regardless of how difficult that conversation might be, do not be embarrassed and be sure to divulge all of your symptoms. Many leading suicide resources report that a combination of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and medication is the best treatment for severe depression. If you are considering taking a medication for any reason, FIRST educate yourself. Know and share with loved ones the risks of ALL medications you are taking and ask to be closely monitored by a doctor AND family members while on such therapies, especially as you begin something new. And if you do choose medication, find out in advance how you would need to wean yourself off safely in the event that it becomes necessary. Again, I do not claim to be an expert. I am not against the use of medication nor am I qualified to give such advice. My intention is to encourage thought-provoking conversations and what could be, life saving awareness. Most of all, my intention is to do my part to help remove the stigma and shed light on new perspectives regarding suicide, which plagues far too many families. Sometimes it's those uncomfortable subjects such as this one that leads us to consider just how powerful an impact we have the ability to make, both for ourselves and others. In the words of Maya Angelou, "When we know better, we do better."  Dying to Be Free, written by Beverly Cobain and Jean Larch is a great resource for those looking to understand more about suicide. There are countless resources listed on websites such as The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (www.afsp.org) and SAVE, The Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (www.save.org). | 
