July 2006 What's a Woman to Do?
investigating truth, instigating bold living
Leah No More
  Deborah Brunt - www.keytruths.com Deb photo
The realization hit me hard - so hard it left me stunned. Here was a truth I had refused to see - a truth that seemed to leave me hopelessly, helplessly stuck.

"I'm Leah!" I wailed aloud.

No, my husband doesn't have two wives. Yes, he does love me. But in a different scenario entirely, I am Leah.

On the heels of that realization came another: We Leahs are legion. Supposedly, misery loves company. In this case, misery has quite a lot of it. But I don't feel the least bit glad to know that so many are experiencing relentless rejection.

Meanwhile, some out there are Rachel. And while Leah may envy her, Rachel's lot isn't enviable. Just a different type misery.

The Triangle
  Key truths
Once upon a real time, a man named Jacob pretended to be his brother Esau to get his father's blessing.

Afterward, Jacob fled, soon arriving at Leah's place and falling in love with Leah's beautiful sister, Rachel. In order to marry Rachel, Jacob worked seven years for Laban, the sisters' dad.

The morning after the wedding, Jacob awoke to find he wasn't the only one who could successfully pretend to be a sibling. He was married to Leah.

Leah spent one week as Jacob's sole wife - while he counted the days until he could marry Rachel, as well. Yes, Jacob had to work for Laban seven more years to earn Bride #2. But the second wedding happened only seven days after the first.

Genesis 29:30-31 says, "Jacob lay with Rachel also, and he loved Rachel more than Leah. . . . When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren."

Thus, the triangle: One man - two wives. Each wife miserable for a different reason.

Leah
  Key truths
English Bible translators have softened the blow in Genesis 29:31. Most versions say that Leah was "unloved." Yet, the Hebrew says Leah was "hated." Indeed, this word "expresses an emotional attitude toward persons and things which are opposed, detested, despised and with which one wishes to have no contact or relationship," according to the Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament.

Perhaps Jacob felt such aversion to Leah because she reminded him who he himself was. Though he also had complied with a parent in deception, Jacob extended no mercy to Leah, no forgiveness, no love.

Oh, but he did repeatedly engage in the most intimate of acts with Leah - because he wanted the sons she was producing for him. Six sons in all Leah birthed.

At each son's birth, Leah expressed her heartcry:

  • Reuben: "It is because the Lord has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now."
  • Simeon: "Because the Lord heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too."
  • Levi: "Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons."

Didn't happen. Giving birth to her fourth son, Judah, Leah announced, "This time I will praise the Lord." With her new attitude, she and Jacob and Rachel lived happily ever after, right?

Wrong. Barren Rachel was as desperate to match Leah's production record as Leah was to be loved. The battle turned ugly as both women used other women (their respective maids) to beget more sons for Jacob.

Then (as if things weren't already bizarre enough), Leah bought a night with her own husband, by selling Rachel some "fertility drug" plants. Afterward, Leah had a fifth son and later a sixth. What did she cry at the births of these sons?

  • Issachar: "God has rewarded me for giving my maidservant to my husband." Did He, Leah? Or in this too are you deceiving yourself?
  • Zebulun: "This time my husband will treat me with honor, because I have borne him six sons."

No, Leah. This hope will always disappoint you. This husband will never love you. He will never honor you.

Reading Leah's story in Genesis, we learn after the fact that she died. We're not told how or when it happened, or whether Jacob mourned for her at all.

Oh Leah, we feel so sorry for you! We - the women of Western church culture in the 21st century - hate that your story had no happy ending. For that very reason, we do NOT want to identify with you.

Of course, like you, most of us are ordinary. Serving in many ways, we birth many good things. Yet we do NOT want to see that the church culture, to which we've given ourselves, repeatedly uses us while withholding from us the favor reserved for Rachel. We keep telling ourselves that eventually Jacob will notice our productivity and will love us. Sometimes, we get so desperate for Jacob's love that we do things we know are deceptive or fleshly - okay, yes, we too use others - and then view any positive outcome as evidence that God has rewarded what we did.

How deeply we long to identify with Rachel, the beautiful and beloved. How inferior we feel when Rachel is around.

Rachel
  Key truths
Like Jacob, our church culture loves beautiful people. Often, this beauty is the literal, physical kind. Sometimes it's related to athletic prowess or an amazing life story. Sometimes the beauty hinges on gender; sometimes, on connections - birth into a well-known family, leadership of a large church or ministry, significant relationships with influential people. Regardless what other factors contribute, the one factor sure to cause modern-day Rachels (of both genders) to be loved and honored is marketability.

Rachels draw a crowd. People fight to be near them. Publishers fight to publish their books. (Even if a Leah actually wrote it.)

Does the fact that Jacob prefers Rachel mean Rachel is more spiritual than Leah? No. Does it mean Rachel is a villain? No.

Like Leah, Rachel is human. Like Leah, Rachel is trapped in a contest with no winners. Since today's rules require more subtlety than when Rachel and Leah actually lived, today's Rachel must do everything she can to try to maintain her favored status while giving the appearance that she's not competing.

Ah, but in the Bible, having favor didn't bring Rachel happiness. Though loved, she never felt secure or complete. After all, her husband was sleeping with another woman. And the fruitfulness she desperately sought eluded her. Thus, Rachel became jealous of Leah and launched the "use others to get what I want" plan. Result: four extra sons for Jacob; two extra women sharing his bed.

Even when Rachel's own offspring finally came, they didn't bring her satisfaction. The day her first son was born, she said: "May the Lord add to me another son." When she did indeed become pregnant a second time, Rachel died in childbirth. The name she chose for her child? Ben-oni: "Son of My Sorrow."

Jacob
  Key truths
So, my friends, what do we do? Do the Rachels among us spend their lives frantically seeking fruitfulness, knowing Jacob will sleep with another wife if their marketability wanes? Do the Leahs spend our lives doing the next thing and the next thing we just know will make us beloved? Do we align ourselves with a Rachel whenever possible, hoping the favor bestowed on her will somehow rub off on us? Whichever sister we identify with, do we give up in despair, seeing that neither ever found contentment or joy?

Or do we expose the two-timing, non-husband Jacob as the supplanter that he is? Surely our Jacob, like the original, has lived up to his name, "Supplanter" - he who displaces the one deserving the role.

Our Jacob, like the original, has two wives. He loves the one, giving her preferential treatment. He uses the other, always dangling the hope of his favor and honor in front of her but never bestowing it. Loving one, despising the other, Jacob cherishes and protects neither.

In Genesis, Rachel and Leah could not opt out of polygamy. We, on the other hand, must.

The Beloved
  Open Gates
The day I realized, "I am Leah," I was desolate - like "a wife who married young, only to be rejected" (Isa. 54:6). Then God asked, "So whose wife are you?"

He reminded me: Jesus Christ has one bride. Only one.

In His marriage, there is no triangle. He is to us - to all of us - as Isaac to Rebekah (Gen. 24). He says to each of us individually and all of us collectively, "I have chosen you and have not rejected you" (Isa. 41:9). "You are precious and honored in my sight, . . . I love you" (Isa. 43:5).

Yes, He gives us different assignments - some, high profile; some, not. But He never counts anyone more valuable than another. He never pits one against another. For "in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others" (Rom 12:5). He passionately, faithfully loves each of us. He Himself makes us both beautiful and fruitful.

Maybe I'm the only one in the Bride of Christ who's been acting like the brides of Jacob. Maybe I'm one of many who have sought approval and significance from a church culture that loves some more than others, provoking rivalry and misery. Seduced by a supplanter, we ourselves have become two-timers.

Angry and grieved, our true Bridegroom waits.

Will you, with me, run repentant to Him? Will we, from this day forward, cling only to Him? His unfathomable love offers every one of us deep satisfaction, high esteem, true fruitfulness, great joy. "Accepted in the Beloved" (Eph. 1:6 NKJV), we are Leah no more.

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Scriptures quoted are from NIV, unless otherwise indicated.

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