This week I would like to talk about expectation's evil twin...judgment.  They go hand in hand and they spell trouble when they are together.

Let's remember that expectations are learned thoughts.  We are taught to expect.  Our ego expects love, respect, cooperation, understanding, fairness, compassion, empathy, honesty.  And when we don't get them we suffer right?  Beyond our suffering, when we don't get what we expect, we almost always judge the other person or the experience. We judge, with our limited perception, why and how such a thing could happen.

"If he loved me he wouldn't go on that week long golf trip."  "That poor child must have a tough home life - it's difficult to get him to cooperate."  "She must not care about what's going on in my life - she's not even looking at me when I am talking to her."

Take a look at each of these statements.  First there is an expectation.  I expect him to show me he loves me by staying home with me.  I expect the child to cooperate and do things my way.  I expect her to look at me when I am talking to her.  Remember how dangerous expectations are.  They set up the perfect playing ground for judgments. 

Can we really believe that someone doesn't love us because they want to go on a golf trip?  Or that a child has a tough time at home because he doesn't cooperate in school?   Or that someone doesn't care just because they aren't looking at us?  No - these are all our personal judgments of the situation.  And judgments are born from our perceptions, past experiences and parental ideas about their past experiences.