MMM: On Going it Alone

"A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to slowly be born." ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

So, what to do when you are faced with going it alone to a wedding, or social event, or singles event, or meetup group? How do you get yourself out of fear and into action and simply show up? Even if it means braving it alone?

Because freedom is my quest, I tend to take on challenges that I'm afraid of. I've always had a motto that I still live by, today:

Every fear overcome is a freedom gained.

Ultimately, what I discover is that in facing the discomfort, or getting over the fear, I have one more thing under my belt, one more experience I can call my own, one more area that I can move freely within.

This evening isn't any different. I drive an hour from home to go to a winery that is having an open house, where two singles groups are meeting for the evening.

When I walk into the winery, I tell myself that if I feel like leaving in an hour, I can. I stroll around the premises perusing the food stations, check out the tasting menu, and I sit at a reasonable distance to scope out the single groups might be to decide whether I want to join them or not.

I am uncomfortable. I walk along the gardens and call my friend, "Remind me of what I'm doing here, again?" I ask her. But actually, it's not my friend, it's her answering machine, so she can't answer.

After circling the entire floor plan, stopping at the three different food stations and at various spots along the bar for a taste and after sitting in front of the band long enough to know that I'm avoiding the situation, I finally head to the tables out on the lawn and find the woman that is hosting the event.

I tell myself, "Sonya, get over yourself. Go meet someone new."

And I brave it.

So, here's the deal and the thing that I learn from the situation: Everyone around the table (except for maybe the host who loves organizing this stuff) is wondering what the hell they are doing there, too! No one is really thinking to themselves "Hey it's Friday night, let me go hang out with a bunch of strangers and declare that yes, I'm single, too!"

No one really has this in mind.

And I realize that I could be of service, here.

There is an attractive woman, a resident biologist at a local preserve, who recently moved to the area (she called recent: 5 years) and never got out to meet new people because she was too busy raising kids. I can feel that she is far more uncomfortable than I am so I talk to her, ask her about herself, and take her under my wing.

And then a man comes over from the Singles Wine Enthusiasts club, an artistic gentleman wearing a burnt orange sweater and matching burnt orange shoes. He is recently separated and has never done this sort of thing before. So, I introduce him to the resident biologist who lives in the same vicinity and shares his interest in the environment.

After she leaves the group early to tend to her children, I do a little more tasting with him and take him to the food stations I discover. When we return to the singles table, there are a whole host of new people that have showed up that I could play with.

But after helping individuals get comfortable, and in doing that, getting comfortable myself, I decide that it is okay for me to leave. I meet new people, try expensive wine, eat tasty food, have a good time, and know enough that I could do it again, if I wanted to.

I don't meet my new best friend, or my soul mate, or my next business partner. But I participate in an event, recognize our similarities and come away with the awareness that we are all in this together.

We are all in this together.

The thing is, in going it alone, in trying something new, it doesn't have to be for a life changing event.

It could be simply because you want to see what happens.

I think the more meaning we attribute to something, the higher the stakes we raise, and the more fear we create.

What if showing up solo to something, even for only 10 minutes, is simply to demonstrate to ourselves that we can show up solo to something for 10 minutes? What if it doesn't have to mean more than that?

Because honestly, yes, we may learn something new. We may meet someone special. We may discover a new talent. We may be inspired to new ideas.

But ultimately, what we gain is freedom.

Freedom to be alone. Freedom to be with a group. Freedom to show up single. Freedom to show up partnered. Freedom to express boldly. Freedom to express quietly. Freedom simply to be.

But free, nonetheless.

And isn't freedom a worthy quest?

This week, try on something new. Even if your friends don't want to come with. Brave it alone.
Be bold. Expand the circumference of your comfort zone by stepping out just beyond the line. No need to attribute meaning to it, or make it a bigger deal than it needs to be. Just step into it. Wear it like a loose garment. Get comfortable. See what happens.

Let your life expand from the inside out.