"Decision is a risk rooted in the courage of being free." ~ Paul Tillich

 

I know I've been there, having made a decision I not only second guessed, but wish I hadn't made. And couldn't take back. 
 
What to do when this sort of thing happens?  
 
It begins even before factoring ourselves into the equation. I think there is who we are, and then there is our broader intentions. And while sometimes we think we are leading the way, mostly, we are simply navigating the way. I believe something greater than us is leading.
 
I believe that second guessing comes when the smaller part of us, the one that is at the effect of everything, is afraid of the greater part of us that is forging a new way.  
 
When we make any decision, for better or for worse, we affect change. And sometimes it's scary to be responsible for the change we affect. And while decisions can feel black or white because they do have a way of declaring something new, there is a lot of room for grey. 
 
That's why I love the saying. "Make a decision. And then make the decision right."  Sometimes making the decision "right" has nothing to do with making it right with "them", but instead, making it right with us.
 
We never know where our decisions will lead us and we can't know before making them, what the aftermath might be. But only after making the decision, can we deal with what comes next. Never before. 
 
There is an assumption that a decision that ends up hurting someone's feelings or causing friction or rocking the boat is somehow a wrong decision. 
 
But why would that be the case?

 

It could mean the broader part of us helped us make that decision in order to break something open, learn how to deal with discomfort, learn how to create a boundary or take care of ourselves amidst another's disapproval. It could mean the broader part of us helped us make that decision in order to learn how to create dialog, deepen a relationship, or simply say "I'm sorry. I made a mistake". 
 
There is no such thing as a wrong decision, because we are always course correcting. The way a pilot navigates a plane from one place to the next is by setting the course destination before taking flight and then course correcting along the way.

 

Similarly, that's how we grow. Taking from what we have learned from the past and building on it for the future.

 

So, that being said, how can we allow the process to unfold more smoothly? What can we do to stop ourselves from second guessing? 
 
(1)  Trust yourself. Something greater than you is leading when you make the decision in the first place. Making decisions sometimes forces us to grow in areas that we are not comfortable and the first thing we want to do is second guess the decision, because of our discomfort.  But as we know, change happens incrementally and maybe, from our broader intentions, we are being called to something greater.
 
(2) Choose a new thought. Stop entertaining the idea of having made a wrong decision. There is no power in that. Instead know that things are working out for your good and that you are learning and growing while you are finding your bearings.
 
(3) Because we are always in a state of flux, there may very well be things we will do differently the next time. Ask yourself, if I had to do it over, what would I do differently? And then congratulate yourself because this is how new behavior is born! You can't learn if you're not playing the game. 
 

(4) There is such a thing as grace. Time gives us an opportunity to fix all sorts of things we think we may have screwed up. There is power in simply letting things go and deciding to re-evaluate them at a future date. Ask yourself "What if I did make a wrong decision? Is it okay for me to have made a mistake?" And then let it go. Getting comfortable with making mistakes could have entirely been the lesson! But we are always making the best decisions we have access to at the moment. 
 
(5) Finally, go easy on yourself. Like a friend of mine likes to say, "Life is a hard hat zone. We are always under construction". You are not who you were yesterday and you are not who you will be tomorrow. So, make peace with that. Life is full of second chances. We are always in a state of evolution. 
 
In learning how to walk, we had to crawl first, and maybe we wobbled and skinned our knees a few times. But eventually, we found our bearings and trusted our stability. As tiny as we were, we were able to stand straight and put one foot in front of the other as we moved forward.
 
Not so far off from what we do as adults.