External Stress Can Mess Things Up!
An interesting thing happened to me on the way to summer. Following a colonoscopy in early June, I had a bad reaction in which I experienced some eight weeks of debilitating daily bouts of diarrhea, losing some 20#! A new doctor put me in the hospital, zapped me with steroids and IV fluids and I was doing well within a few days. (the first doctor said it was nothing he did, of course) During my difficult time, my brother who lives in Missouri, was rushed to the hospital. They discovered he had blood clots in both lungs and so was in the hospital for 10 days. My already high anxiety kicked in. I called and talked with his doctor, nurse, discharge planner, etc., laying out what I thought were important factors for his going to his apartment. I thought I had assurances that they would do what I believed was necessary. (he is single and has some special needs) After his discharge, I discovered from my brother that the hospital personnel did virtually none of what I expected. Marshaling all the insights of my knowledge and experience, I then proceeded to explode at my brother, screaming about what the hospital hadn't done right! He hung up on me. I was a case study in not handling my own anxieties well and taking them out on my brother! In reflecting on my behavior, I recalled church members, including leaders, who were having difficulties either at home or work and who then behaved badly in the church system. It was a great reminder that outside stresses engender anxiety that then resonates through the church. Have you had those times when you were under outside stress and it played itself out in your leadership (or lack thereof)? Or has a lay leader or other staff person brought in garbage from outside and dumped it on some unsuspecting soul? How do you handle such behavior? It's important to be aware when you or someone else is acting in atypical fashion, spreading anxiety and generally stirring up the system. What are major stresses in your own life and how do they affect your leadership? Here's a Coaching Assignment: note times you have or haven't handled outside stresses well and the effect your behavior had on your leadership ability. What might you learn from this? Recall when some members, especially leaders, who were very anxious about something and their anxiety leaked out and messed up a meeting. Perhaps you knew about the stress in their lives, but maybe you didn't. Mainline Protestants often like to suffer in silence or don't want to own up to any weakness. How did you handle their anxieties and their impact on the church system? What practices do you have in Board meetings to encourage people to share what's going on in the rest of their life? I like Stan Ott's Word/Share/Prayer small group process to begin a meeting. Another good method is to simply invite people to check-in with each other at the beginning of the meeting, i.e. invite them to tell briefly what's been going on - good things and challenges - and ask for prayers from the rest of you. Church meetings need to be more than secular meetings with book-end prayers. They need to be opportunities to be the people of God, caring for each other as they lead God's people. If you are going through a stressful time and would like some coaching to help you get a better handle on what's going on and how you are handling it, please get in touch with me. I'd love to coach you in figuring out what approach would work best for you.
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