Taking Stock:  

What Have You Learned?  

When our sons were young and messed something up, we tried not to scream at them (too loudly); rather, we would ask "now what did you learn from this?" We tried to create an atmosphere where they would learn from their mistakes.

Fast forward a decade or so and our younger son, Ben (at that point, around 20), had been leading canoe trips on the Shenandoah. My wife and I arranged to go for a day's float with Ben. It was a delightful day floating along, enjoying the scenery. We came around a bend and suddenly realized that we were being swept by the current into a tree that had fallen across the river. Since I was in the bow (front) of the canoe and thus was closest to the obstacle, I instinctively leaned away from the tree. However, in a canoe, if one leans too far upstream (i.e. away from the tree), there is a chance that water can pour into the canoe over the gunwale. Ben yelled "Dad, straighten up!." Immediately realizing what I was doing, I sat upright and we didn't swamp.

We got around the tree and Ben guided us to the next gravel bar so we could catch our breath. "Now, Dad," he asked, "what did you learn from this?"

What have you learned from the inevitable mix-ups, misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and other rough patches that you have encountered in the past year? List 5 - 10 of these rough patches. Think about some of what you learned about yourself and the congregation. What have been some of your reactions to difficult situations and people? What were your responses?

Being aware of those reactions and responses helps you identify your gremlins. What are some of those little green monsters that lurk in your subconscious? (think Luther: "and though this world with devils filled, should threaten to undo us...")   

What are some of the narratives or stories you tell yourself that get you into trouble?

I grew up in a little town in southwest Missouri. Sometimes I joke that I'm an Ozark Hillbilly. But there's a mixed message in that statement - on one level it is a joke, but on a deeper level it isn't. There is that little gremlin who says "Bob, what are you thinking, trying to lead these sophisticated, powerful people who live in the Washington, DC, area? Maybe you've been around a while, but you're still a country kid from the Ozarks. You don't really belong here."

It is likely you have heard of the country music capital of Branson, MO. Just over an hour from my hometown, Branson features some 50 theaters and 100 different shows. It's a stop for tour groups. But regardless of current reality, my interior notion is that Branson is still a little country town with good fishing. That's my story about Branson and I'm sticking to it.

I've heard Civil Rights leaders bemoan the barriers that many African Americans have in their own minds and attitudes. "I'm just an ignorant thug and I can't learn how to read and function in the white world. I'm probably going to end up in jail anyway. So I might as well do the drug and gang scene. If I live, I live. If I die, I die."

Think about the many professional athletes - Barry Bonds, Lance Armstrong, Mark McGwire - who have used steroids or other banned substances. What were their gremlins? "If you really want to be the top batter, scorer, be the fastest..., then you have to use this stuff. Everybody's doing it."

Sounds like Jesus being tempted just after his baptism, doesn't it!

What are your gremlins? Be aware of these self-narratives that drag you down or sabotage relationships.

It's vital that you recognize the voices of your gremlins and deal directly with them. How might you form a new narrative that counters the destructive one? What would that story say?

My alternate, positive, narrative says "My family valued reading, good grades, and hard work. I had some really good high school teachers, got into an excellent college, and have kept learning all my life. Further, based on my essential worth in Christ, I'm comfortable interacting with people of every socio-economic status."

So, as we end summer and prepare to enter a new academic year, I encourage you to reflect on what you have learned, both in your current church and in previous ones. What are your strengths? And what are those gremlins that lead you into trouble? How might you write a more positive narrative based on the grace and power of Christ?

I'd be pleased to have the opportunity to help you explore your learnings and develop more. In fact, that's a critical piece of what I do as a coach: help you learn, make decisions and new commitments, and grow emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually.  

Email or call me and we can set up a demonstration coaching session by telephone (or in person if possible).

If you find this article helpful and think of friends who would benefit from it, please forward this to them.  

Sticky Teams -  by Larry Osborne 

"Look for Leaders, Not Representatives: I've also learned that it's important that our board and staff members think of themselves as leaders, not representatives.

Many churches opt for a representative model. it fits well with our American democratic principles. It aligns with the priesthood of all believers. ...

But putting people with a representative mindset on your board or staff also carries with it some significant negatives. Here are a few examples.

+ Representatives are more likely to see themselves as lobbyists for a specific constituency...

+ Representative-oriented teams have a harder time reaching consensus when faced with a controversial issue...

+ Finally, representative-oriented boards find it more difficult to justify keeping anyone off the  

board."

These words, by Larry Osborne, lead pastor of the North Coast Church in northern San Diego, are especially apt in the current Congressional deadlock over debt and taxes and expenses. They are from a chapter "Guarding the Gate" in which he stresses both the pastor's and other leaders' responsibility to ensure that top people are on the governing board and that they are seeking God's yearning for their church, not simply representing the desires of a particular constituency.

Osborne shares his insights and opinions in a delightful, first person style that speaks to pastors and lay leaders. After one pastor friend had his governing board read this, they tried the second meeting a month that Osborne suggests. In that meeting they focus on growing spiritually and in their relationships with each other. It paid off for Osborne - and for my friend and that church's leaders.

He addresses some sticky issues:

• when to say "no" to someone being on the board
• whether the pastor should know what people give (yes)
• hiring and firing staff

I commend Sticky Teams to you.

What books or resources have you found