Before we could speak our first words, we began to develop a basic understanding of money. By the time we were two years old, we had witnessed hundreds of economic transactions by our parents on a daily basis. We watched our parents reach into their wallets or purses and give this green paper and shiny metal to a whole array of people including store clerks, restaurant staff, pharmacists, door-to-door salesmen, the babysitter etc. Our generation was also the first to experience the credit card boom as we watched our parents use credit cards for purchases.
Even before we could grasp the complexities of various forms of money, we listened to our parents' conversations about it. As we matured, we incorporated many of our parents' and society's attitudes about money into our own lives. Catchy sayings like money is the root of all evil; money makes the world go round; money talks; money has no heart and no soul; if I had enough money, I would be happy; you can't take it with you; etc.
As we got older, the messages about money became more sophisticated and complex. Many of the most important decisions we made as young adults had a serious money component including what college we went to; where we lived, what automobile we bought, what career we pursued, etc.
Regardless of how much success one attains in life, I hear one thing over and over in my practice: I won't retire until I have enough money. Of course, the operative word here is enough. Just how much is enough? Enough varies from one person to another and one couple to another. Because it can't be defined, many couples' concept of enough is simply an excuse to postpone important decisions about their future and retirement. Even when some people achieve the financial targets they had set earlier, they often redefine what enough means. For some people it seems that enough is never enough.
A new concept that is finding its way into the mainstream is sufficiency. This concept is explored in a new book entitled The Soul of Money by Lynne Twist. Sufficiency is enjoying and appreciating what you already have. It is what is already present in your life. How much is sufficient to be comfortable yet not restrictive? The idea of how much is enough doesn't seem quite as achievable when compared to how much is sufficient.
What Does Money Mean To You?
As you begin to plan for retirement, what do you think and how do you feel about money? This is probably the most important topic among couples and singles as they anticipate this significant, next life stage.
We all understand the need to earn a good living to support our families and a chosen lifestyle, especially in these difficult economic times. As a result of early childhood conditioning or imprinting, many of us are, once again, in the scarcity mode. These early life experiences and perceptions about money usually influence how you navigate the psychological impact it has on your relationships in retirement. This, in turn, will influence your attitude and behavior towards how much is enough vs. how much is sufficient. These relationships include your spouse, your extended family, your financial planner, your friends and many more.
In our family, my parents were very frugal as they both worked to support five children. It was my belief at the time that we had enough, but I was always aware of my parents' concerns about not having enough money. As a result of this economic tension, we lived with a day-to-day attitude of scarcity. Surprisingly, my husband's family often didn't have enough money for food while he was growing up, yet he has always had an attitude of abundance. I find this interesting and paradoxical.
Taking Stock Of Your Attitude About Money
Here are some concepts related to money to share with your spouse or close friend to help you navigate this life-altering transition with greater insight:
1. What is your personal attitude about money? Do you come from a place of abundance or scarcity? How much is enough versus how much is sufficient? Is money the "be all" or "end all" or just a means to an end? Having some balance and perspective about these conflicting concepts will help you to cooperate with each other around money instead of becoming opposing forces.
2. What do you value in your life? Do you value what money can buy you or the relationships that nurture you? In these challenging economic times, can you find activities that fill you up and give your life meaning instead of indulging in activities that hinder your financial plans? Boomers are high achievers, and they work hard and play hard. For some, it might be difficult to delay gratification to ensure or maintain their current lifestyles.
3. How adaptable can you be when the economy is not cooperating with your financial plan of retiring when you had planned to? Are you and your spouse able to team up in your commitment to continue to work a few more years together in your current careers? Or could one or both of you choose a new career that could be very fulfilling, more fun and less burdensome? Re-careering has become very popular these days, keeping boomers socially engaged, in sync with the rest of the world's schedule, and giving them a source of meaning while continuing to provide sufficient income.
4. Are you keeping in close touch with a financial planner? Are you honoring the plan that you committed to, even though you will have to make tough decisions and unexpected adjustments? It's important to have a professional that you can trust and have confidence in. Trust must go both ways.
5. Finally, what does money mean to you personally? Does it represent power, control, security, independence, love or success? Where will you get these needs met when your assets are compromised because of economic uncertainty?
I found this quote from Henry Ford to be very instructive:
"If money is your hope for independence you will never have it. The only real security that a man will have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability."
I hope that you will take the time to explore some of your attitudes and beliefs about money and use them as food for thought as you introduce the conversation to your spouse, good friend and/or your financial planner. No matter what your financial circumstances are, please continue to "make the best of your life for the rest of your life."
