Fall 2009 ~ The Mask

Dr. Arthur Neuman:
We all wear masks... metaphorically speaking!
(The Mask, movie 1994)

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Have you ever been to a masquerade party, or even watched the antics of masked revelers on Halloween? Normal, average people do some pretty crazy things when they are protected by the anonymity of a mask. Why?

We are born into the world naked and exposed, totally vulnerable and dependent on our parents and family around us.

We absorb everything they tell us, both positive and negative. We internalize other people's reactions to our actions and measure ourselves accordingly. If someone tells us something we've done is "bad", we conclude that we are bad. After awhile we begin to believe the comments as "truth"!

Since 80% of what we hear is negative, it is little wonder that we develop negative beliefs about ourselves, such as: "I'm stupid", "I'm ugly", "I'm weak", "I'm not good enough", "I'll never make it" and the one I hear the most from callers, "I've failed."

This is especially true for a man or woman who has chosen abortion. They often feel worthless, have low self-esteem and do not believe they deserve to live. They hide behind a mask, because to share their truth is just too painful.

We may "try on" different masks to see which is the most comfortable, which affords us the most protection from exposure.

Masks can take the form of "I know it all" or "I'm a nice guy" or "I'm dangerous" or "I'm tough" or "I'm special"... We try to believe that this is who we are, but the early "truth" still lingers.

So we add layers and accessories that add more credibility to the whole costume. We strive for another diploma or award, an expensive car or a bigger house. Gradually, the costume becomes very heavy.

The result? Mental and physical exhaustion!

We burn out from the effort of trying to maintain a fa�ade. We lose our ability to be spontaneous and enjoy the moment. We end up missing out on real relationships with others ~ they fall in love with the mask, or we don't let them get close enough to see what's under it.

So, how do we remove the mask?

Well, there are basically 5 stages:

Awareness: Think about your mask: how it looks to you and to other people, when you put it on, when or if you ever take it off? Does it look like one of these: Nice Guy, Know it All, Know it Better, Tough Guy, Pollyanna, Angry Wench, Rebel, Misfit, Joker/Clown, Martyr, Holy, Mr./Mrs. Busy-Important, Barbie Girl, Loner...

Recognition: Become aware of the costs in your personal and professional life of wearing your mask. See how your relationships are affected when you keep your image up. What limitations has it created? What is it that you "can not", "should not" or "would not" do because it's not "appropriate" for you?

Realization: Realize that your mask is not who you are! Acknowledge the fact that you created your act for your survival and that probably for a while that was valuable, but it is not necessary any more. In most cases, the mask has served its purpose and now it is only a hindrance to your growth and happiness.

Commitment: Be willing to drop your act and commit yourself to do doing whatever it takes to become the real you. Some people never take off the mask and lose their identity and soul completely. Why waste the rest of your life pretending to be someone or something other than you?

Action: Do whatever is necessary to become authentically you... Are you not fond of golf, but play for the sake of your colleagues? Enlist some of them to do what YOU like. Do you dislike working for someone else? Take a risk and start your own business... Or if you yourself are hurting from a past abortion, find help!

If you're suffering from any of these items listed here; Abortion Recovery will change your life.... and who knows... you might like the REAL you! You know, the one behind the mask!