Dave Mitchell 

 

Dave Mitchell

the Leadership Difference 

 

 

Laugh and Learn

September 2011

Welcome to the Leadership Difference

 

Greetings!

 

Do opposites really attract?  See Dave's theroy below.  Also, Dave shares some highlights from his trip to Verona, Italy this month.

 

Do Opposites Really Attract?

The Power of Understanding People - Hollywood Style is my most popular program.  During this program, participants complete an assessment to determine how they make meaning of their experiences (interactive schemas), how these schemas impact the way they communicate and what intrinsic needs they have to maintain personal contentment and performance.  As I explain each of these schemas, many audience members react with a common comment, "OMG, my spouse and I are so different."  It happens so often, that I have wondered if we actually do find our differences to be more attractive than our similarities.

The short answer is no.  When a participant actually sends me the assessment of a spouse, or when both partners happen to be in the class, it is just as likely the two are similar in style as it is that they are very different.  There is probably some gender oriented differences created by society's expectations of the role of a man and a woman.  This might explain why two people with the same or similar style may appear different within the marriage.  But if the question is, "do very different interactive schemas appear to attract each other?" I have not found that to be the case.

On the other hand, I have not noticed an abundance of similar style marriages either.  There are as many couples who have very different styles from one another as there are marriages of common styles.  In the former example, this couple has the potential to work well as a team, but could find that the individual's intrinsic needs are not fulfilled over time.  In the latter example, the couple may be very happy with each other but struggle to handle all of the demands associated with marriage.  Neither is better, neither is doomed.  They are simply two different scenarios of marriage.

So does interactive style have any impact on love?  Yes and no, in my opinion.  I think love is initially driven by chemical elements:  pheromones, testosterone, estrogen, oxytocin, dopamine, etc.  As the impact of the neuroscience of love fades, often nearly a decade into the relationship, then the intrinsic needs of the individuals become more important.  Each person needs an abundance of one of these four things in life:  appreciation, independence, security and excitement.  Unfortunately, each person's intrinsic need is different.  If a husband provides security to a wife who longs for excitement, for example, then the marriage may suffer.  And since we tend to provide others what we want for ourselves, marriages of diversity may fall victim to a lack of intrinsic needs fulfillment.

So do opposites attract?  Sure, they can.  But is this the key to a sustained and happy marriage?  No.  Being in a relationship that fulfills your intrinsic needs is far more likely to create an enduring union.  And don't assume that what you need is what your partner needs.  The good news is that by learning the intrinsic needs of your spouse you can do a better job of fulfilling them.

 

 

A Trip to Verona

Shop in Verona

  

Recently, I had the wonderful opportunity to deliver Leading Change to leaders of Aptuit in Verona, Italy. Generally, my lovely bride Lori isn't inspired to travel with me, but somehow the opportunity to visit Paris and Verona changed her mind. We had an amazing time in both cities. Among the many activities we experienced was the rekindling of our love affair with the wines of the Valpolicella region.

 

Just west of Verona, in the foothills of the Alps, is a wine region that grows the grapes used for Valpolicella: Corvina, Rondinella and Molinara. The three most important red wines of the region are Valpolicella Classico, Valpolicella Classico Superiore and Amarone della Valpolicella. Valpolicella Classico is a light, simple wine that pair with all kinds of light bodied food or can be consumed on a patio in the sun. Try it with tuna while sitting on a deck and you will find yourself greeting friends with buon giorno.

 

Valpolicella Classico Superiore is aged for one year with a minimum of 12% alcohol content. It is a versatile wine that works with darn near any dish. This is a great wine to start with if you are unfamiliar with the red wines of Veneto.

 

Finally, Amarone della Valpolicella is a mac daddy, full bodied wine for hearty dishes. It is made by picking ripe grapes and leaving them to dry for 3 or 4 months. If you are a fan of big Cabernets and Zinfandels, this is your Italian wine. It's a bit pricy ($60 and up) and works best with 6 - 10 years of age, but it is worth the cost and the wait!

 

Look for these consistent producers who export large quantities of the wines of Valpolicella: Masi, Tedeschi, Cesari, Zenato, Allegrini, and Tommasi. And when you toast, be sure to look your friend directly in the eye. It's an Italian thing.

 

 

 

Win - Win - Wine 

  

Each year we offer our two wine programs at a discounted rate for corporate holiday parties. What is Your Wine Personality? combines a classic wine tasting event with a hilarious discussion about interactive styles. Are You America's Next Top Winemaker? is an excellent team building program during which participants work together to make their own signature wine blend. And just as we have done in the past, 20% of our fee is donated to charity. You can choose the charity, or this year, we are supporting Afterhours in Denver, CO. They provide meals and other provisions to the homeless. For more information, contact Dave ([email protected]) or Lisa ([email protected]). Offer applies to events scheduled in November or December.

 

Holiday Table with Wine

 
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