A surprising number of believers have found themselves in a place of tremendous wounding, grief, and loss, even struggling with thoughts of suicide. Faith has been shaken and the light at the end of the tunnel has all but extinguished.

That wounding has been deepened through the abandonment or insensitivity of the usual support system. Rather than finding the compassionate Good Samaritan (Luke 10:33) who is proactive in healing and support, many find only "Job's comforters" (Job 16:2) admonishing the bleeding and broken to just get over it and get back to living. There is a time to grieve and while none of us needs to prolong that state, the severity of some blows takes
longer for recovery, even hospitalization.

As a friend pointed out to me a few days ago, "Remember that despair, depression, fear... and a number of other spirits are laying heavy upon the nation."

The Word says we will be shaken, tested, and tried. However, God's intention is not that we be destroyed, but that we come through purified, refined, and responding more like Jesus, "a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief" (Isaiah 53:3). It was Jesus, after all, who commended the Good Samaritan for tending to the hurts and needs of the hurt man.

As an intercessor said to me, "If He didn't stop it, He will use it." It may be difficult to see how God can use the troubles we may have experienced. Yet, trusting Him in the dark and confusing times is all part of living by faith. There is treasure to be found in darkness.

You may not get all the answers you want, but every difficulty is another chance to find out who the Lord is and to find out who you are.  You can get past it.

A coach is not a counselor or instructor, but an ally to come alongside to help you build a more satisfying life or ministry!

Donna Astern offers life and ministry coaching by telephone.
Ask about receiving personal or ministry coaching here.

By Dante' Payton

What If He Hadn't Killed Himself?

What kind of apostle would Judas Iscariot have become had he not committed suicide?  Most of us know the story of Judas and how he was a disciple handpicked by Jesus Christ Himself, watched and practiced healings, miracles, signs and wonders, and ate and slept alongside Jesus and His fellow followers.  And, after ultimately betraying the Messiah to His death, was so reeled with overwhelming guilt, shame and condemnation took his own life using a hangman's noose.  

We are familiar with how Judas' story ended, yet I wonder what would have happened to him had he chose to live on past Christ's resurrection? Only those who survived long enough to experience the redemptive, transforming power of God will dare to entertain such a notion. Just ask Paul.


Paul boldly emphasizes Christ's unconditional love and passionate grace to spare his life and induct him into the apostleship.  Having written forty-four percent of the New Testament, Paul went on to have arguably the most effective ministries ever, despite his shameful past.  This apostle attests to having "blasphemed His name" and "damaged His cause," pretty big sins in our book. 

Yet, Paul showed up on the scene and went on to declare that living is a gift and expression of Christ, and to die is to live with Him forever. 

Jesus warned His disciples several times during His tenure with them that He must be betrayed and delivered into the hands of evil men.  Yet, did Judas also damage Christ's cause? Or, was it all part of the plan?


Judas loved money and had been previously offended at Jesus' "wasting" of it. The disciple was present when the woman with the alabaster box poured expensive oil upon Jesus and how the Nazarene's approval of such an act. The Iscariot's decision to harbor the offense led him to plot against Jesus thus opening the door of his own soul to the enemy, an opportunity Satan took at the Last Supper.

Prior to the The Feast, Jesus announced to the disciples that He was "officially" betrayed into evil hands a short time after Judas disappeared temporarily to seal his shady deal with the magistrates.
 

I believe Jesus was relentless pursuing Judas' redemption prior to this declaration. Notice Jesus' grace in action as He applied increasing pressure with His merciful finger of truth upon Judas' heart. Judas sat idly by as Jesus walked through the gamut of exposure: allusion, inference, mention, and confrontation. Even when Jesus took a more direct approach by singling out a guilty, bread-sharing Judas, the disciple still tried to save face in asking if Jesus was referring to him. Judas, ashamed and prideful, loved money more than His Master forced Jesus to pronounce judgment upon him.  Judas became the outlaw of outlaws and took his own life shortly before dawn.

Yet, I wonder what we would have come to know about Judas had he reappeared amongst the grieving disciples and been forgiven.  After all Peter, too, was identified at the very same table as the one who would deny ever knowing the Messiah, nevertheless, Jesus later reinstated Peter (before his peers) to become a great apostle.  The Bible details Peter's dynamic ministry, one rich with awesome signs and wonders and anointed preaching.  The Resurrected One paid a visit to His beloved disciples and allowed an unbelieving Thomas the exceptional opportunity to stick his fingers through the holes in His hands. Thomas, who once displeased God because of His lack of faith, went on to do mighty things as a minister of the gospel.

Whatever sins Peter, Thomas, Paul and others in the Bible were guilty of, those who repented received grace, transformation and lived on to great exploits. 

What if the reason why the man with only one talent didn't show up with the others (in faith) because he was responding out of self-condemnation? Can you imagine how great a reward he would have received if he hadn't killed his own potential?
If these great accomplishments were performed at the hands of would-be failures, how much would Judas have done had he lived and was martyred? Or, like John, he may have survived martyrdom all because he simply he showed up after the resurrection. I believe Jesus would have been godly proud of Judas that he was able to shake off the damnation of his birth date, restored him and empowered him to perform supernatural feats, preach like Peter, Paul, or James, teleport like Philip, walk on water like Jesus... and, who knows, maybe even fly!

What would we become if you chose not to kill ourselves? Although we all have felt overwhelmed with the pressures of life, we are still breathing, a prerequisite to praise! Suicide isn't just physical as some of us destroy our own lives by harshly judging and disqualifying ourselves from God's best. Seclusion and mediocrity is a form of death all its own.  We must ask God for fresh hope.

No matter what our opinions of our condition, God's got the solution. He's sovereign, and He still declares that he would never resist our broken spirit and repentant heart for He's able to do exceeding abundantly above all we could ever ask or imagine when we allow His awesome power to work in us!