If I had a cent for every time I have felt like the resources I have are not enough to meet the need I could buy what is needed! 

I suspect feeling inadequate is a common experience for many aware human beings.  It's a painful feeling.  We long to know that we are and/or have enough to meet the needs of the world, beginning with ourselves and those close to us and extending out into our world to others in need.  When something we do or give to another seems to touch them in significant ways it touches us deeply.  We are gratified when we are a source of happiness to others.  We may feel humbled . . . and grateful. 

When we see ourselves as not having what is needed and others are disappointed, perhaps even angry at us, we may feel guilty, like we should have what they need, or hurt because we don't want to be a source of pain to them, or angry
because they don't seem to realize what we are already giving and have the audacity to want more!

Andrew had this feeling of futility when Jesus told him along with the other disciples to feed the crowd of over 5000 that was together listening to Jesus, and all the food he could locate was a kid's five loaves of bread and two fish.  I doubt if there was even the thought "Maybe if we ration this well, everyone can get at least a little."  He said, "What are they among so many?" - perhaps another way of saying, "Have you lost your mind? or was it just your common sense?!"

People who are at peace with themselves and their world seem to believe that whatever they have or whoever they are is enough for what is needed.  They seem to know that the appearance of the sufficiency of resources is not the whole picture.  They have the awareness that trying to make what they have be enough is an exercise in futility.  At some level they know, "Of course the little I appear to have and/or to be is not enough!" 

We never know what the little we have, surrendered, can become, unless we give it away, without instructions, to the One who does know what it can become.  It has to be lost to us before it can become food for hungry souls, including our own. 

The little boy is not celebrated as a hero, as far as we know.  Do you think he cared?

It isn't enough, but I do have five loaves and two fish for today.  I'm going to take it along with me.  I may come home with nothing.  I may come home with a box full of bread and an ice chest full of fish, who knows?  Who cares?

"God there is nothing much more unsatisfying than feeling like I need to make the little I have be enough for me and then feeling guilty that it isn't enough for others.  Or when the bread and fish doesn't taste very good because I'm the only one eating it.  Help me to be aware that what I have is not mine - that maybe I don't even want it to be mine!  So be it."


I work with individuals, couples, and families to identify the ways of life and death in their lives and help uncover the motivation to choose that which leads to life, whether it be through counseling or spiritual direction.  - Sheldon Swartz, MA/LMFT