On the last day of our short vacation a couple of weeks ago in thinking about "re-entry" I was asking myself, God, whoever was listening, a question that came to me, "What blocks my spiritual growth?"

Now, a bit about what I believe about spiritual growth.  I don't believe there is any such thing as spiritual maturity, if that means a state of being where growth stops and one just lives out of that state of being.  That's too limiting.  I believe the spiritual life involves an ever-changing, an ever-deepening awareness of God/Spirit and choices about how I want to live with that awareness, and that the closest I will ever come to some sort of fullness that leaves no room for that which is less than God is when I am fully in God's presence, and that might not be for awhile yet.  On the other hand, it could be today!  Either needs to be fine with me.

So one of the things that came to me that blocks my growth is that I make too much separation between that which is spiritual and that which is human.  

I used to believe that a deeper spiritual life would make me more like God and less like a human being, since I had the mindset that being a human being involves a great deal of sinfulness.  But something has changed along the way.  Now it seems to me that we are the most human soon after conception and up until when we are born and early on as a child.  After that the tendency is to become "dehumanized", both by how we are treated in our world by significant others and by our own choices to sacrifice our inherent value for an immediate, superficial taste of pleasure/protection from pain.  That could be on the one hand, attempts to "prove" one's value by one's accomplishments or, on the other hand, "prove" one's likea/loveability by one's attempts to please others.  We tend to think we need to prove something about ourselves.  And all these attempts are actually de-humanizing - they make us less ourselves, less human, rather than more. 

It takes awhile, but eventually we experience these motivations as leaving a lot to be desired.  "So what if everyone thinks I'm worthwhile and/or admires me because of what I have accomplished? If it doesn't deeply satisfy my soul, what's the point?"  or "So what if everyone likes me? If my soul is dying, what does it matter?"  Then we may more fully engage a healthy spirituality that lets go of what doesn't work to bring us Life, that is willing to live in some periods of lostness, emptiness, darkness, and confusion in the hope that there is something better, that there really is something that satisfies the deepest longings of our souls, something that lets us off the hook of needing something from others in order to feel alive and worthwhile.

I believe these are times when the invitation to "become as a child" that Jesus gives is actually an invitation to become human again, shedding the "graveclothes" that have kept the true life within restricted in its expression.  Nothing is much more beautiful than a child's unself-consciousness, than a child that knows she is valued for who she is, not for how she makes her parents look by how she performs.  Is anything more beautiful than an innocent child expressing his desires, assuming it's all ok, assuming that his parents delight in who he is and will help nurture the wonder of his existence, some of that involving clear and loving limits, of course.

So what does a fully human being look like?  I wish I knew more fully.  Here's what I think might be some characteristics:

• An awareness of limitations and full acceptance of them.  (Embracing the wonder and relief of discovering that one is not God (fully spirit, totally unlimited))
• Enjoyment of oneself as one is, (personality, heritage, physical features, natural abilities and talents, etc.) not as one may think one would want to be.  (Humility)
• A high appreciation and enjoyment of uniqueness - one's own, and that of others.
• No need to have others be what one wants them to be - the ability to accept others as they are.
• Compassion for one's own and others' suffering and the desire to relieve it in some way.
• A deep appreciation for how all of life's experiences can futher humanize oneself.
• A deep sense of the value of one's life and at the same time not needing to preserve it.
• A sense of wonder and gratefulness for the created world.

That's a start.  Maybe you'd like to add more characteristics?  I am very interested in what you might have to share along these lines.  If enough people respond I might share the additional thoughts in one of these reflections.

Velma and I are looking forward to an overnight get-away this evening with two other couples who have been "forever" friends - our families grew up together, for the most part.  We've been asked to share as a part of our time together what experiences along the way have shaped our values.  What has helped us identify what kind of persons we want to be and don't want to be?  Should be interesting!  We are fortunate that these relationships are such that it feels something is missing if we have not shared at deeper and more personal levels when together for a significant amount of time.  For that I am very grateful.

 "God, by your grace I will accept who I am today.  Today I will accept others as they are.  I will accept my limitations and enjoy my unique gifts.  I will appreciate Your creation and care for it.  I will be aware of the suffering of others and seek to relieve it in some way.  I will value my life today and be ok if it is gone tomorrow.  I will embrace the goodness of being a human being.  I know this is what I  want for my children.  Is that what you want for me?  Before you answer, I want to remind you that I love best this way!  Amen"