He: "Where would you like to go out for dinner tonight?" 
She:  "Oh, I don't care.  Where would you like to go?"
He"  "I don't care either.  Just tell me where you would like to go."
She:  "Why don't you just decide?  I'm tired of it being up to me to decide."
He:  "Because you won't like what I choose.  I'd like to go where you would like to go."

Sounds like a husband who very much cares for his wife, right?  So much so that he wants to go to the place that exactly suits her fancy.  And the more he tries to find out exactly what she wants, the less cared for she feels.  How can that be?

Years ago people didn't even discuss much where to go out to dinner.  If it were a financial option at all, there weren't all that many places to choose.  You stayed home and ate what Mom put on the table - no choices, period!

In our rich society, we are rich with choices.  Once we decide on the restaurant there are the myriad of choices on the menu from which we get to pick exactly what perfectly suits our fancy.  Same applies to clothes, cars, churches, websites, movies, video games, friends, etc.

The illusion is that the more choices we have, the better.  The closer we can have to exactly what pleases us, the happier we will be. 

That's probably why people in this country are getting happier and happier.  :)

No, too many choices can be debilitating, where one loses the ability to focus on one thing because there are so many possibilities.  One can become weaker, impaired, more unhappy.  Too many choices can be distracting to one's ability to live with a single eye on what is truly important.

I think the truth is more like this: the more control we exercise in our worlds to choose exactly what pleases us at the time, the more unhappy we will be.   The most satisfying things in life come only with a lot of waiting, with patience, with making something important other than the pleasure of the moment.

It is through hardship, through not getting what we want at the moment that character develops and, in the end, character is what carries us through the tough times.  So, consider the times that your real need is met through not being given a choice.

He: I'd like to take you out for dinner tonight to Applebees at 6:00.
She: Great, I'll look forward to that. 

"God, I'm glad you have limits.  I think I like to choose to get exactly what I want at the time but when I think about how I would be if I could do that all the time - Oh, my, have mercy on those who would have to relate to me!  I would be one entitled and therefore miserable creature!  Help me to limit my choices to honor what really matters.  Amen"

I work with individuals, couples, and families to identify the ways of life and death in their lives and help uncover the motivation to choose that which leads to life, whether it be through counseling or spiritual direction.  - Sheldon Swartz, MA/LMFT