Here's the definition of scapegoat: a person or group made to bear the blame for others or to suffer in their place. This definition comes from the description in Leviticus referred to above.

The idea was that the goat would bear the sins of the people and take them away into the desert so that the people could live free from their sin. 

A scapegoat is supposed to be a good thing, something that helps people live more freely and responsibly. In Hebrews 13 Jesus is likened to a scapegoat, taking on the sins of the people and taking them outside the camp (outside of where people lived.) Anything Jesus does, including this, is for the sake of our spiritual freedom, so we can live as we are meant to without being burdened down by the guilt and destructiveness of our sins.

But that isn't normally what we mean when we refer to "scapegoating."

I've noticed that I have difficulties living according to what I believe is right. However, when I am "caught" living at something less of what I believe to be right I am always grateful it is pointed out, whether by my conscience, the Spirit, or by other observant folks. I promptly admit my failure, take responsibility for the pain it has caused, receive forgiveness, and go on living freely and lovingly. 

Yeah, right. I wish. Sounds like great way to live!

My mind's creativity is at it's best when I have fallen short and just don't want to admit it. How easily I pinpoint the reason for my failure - it was the train that made me late, your blame of me that made me attack you, how good the food was that made me eat too much, how beautiful that woman is that made me lust after her, how I was raised that makes me withdraw, how nasty you are that makes me resent, how miserable the weather is that makes me grumpy, how picky the cop was that I got a ticket, how incompetent my pastor is that makes me not get anything out of the service, how demanding you are that makes me turn to porn, how conservative you are that makes me liberal, how liberal you are that makes me conservative, how demanding you are that makes me a perfectionist, etc., etc.  

Wow, do I feel better! There really are, after all, good reasons why I am such a jerk or wimp!

So we move from being grateful that our sins have been born by someone who can take them away (the scapegoat) to making others, or life, or God, into scapegoats and actually blaming them for the reason we are the way we are. I don't think that's what God had in mind when he arranged to be a scapegoat!

I remember so clearly a number of years ago when I would take a shower in the morning I would like clockwork begin obsessing about Joe (let's just call him that), and all he was doing and had done in the past that merited me being upset at him. I could really get going, but I was getting tired of it. It was like I had no choice but to obsess when I got in the shower! Not much fun.

Finally I applied some of my "counseling theory" to myself and asked myself, "Sheldon, if you weren't obsessing about this and filling up your time with it, what would you be thinking about instead?" It took about two seconds to think, "Oh, crap." Immediately I had become aware of how this obsession was serving to get the attention off of things I was struggling with that had to do with how I live my life and that had nothing to do with Joe. 

Previous to this insight I would have thought I wanted Joe to change. After it I knew that if someone had known what I was obsessing about and asked, "Do you really want Joe to change?" I would have had to say, "No way. If he would change I would no longer have him as a distraction to what I am avoiding in me. I'm actually invested in him not changing, so that I can continue to stay upset at him and avoid looking at myself." 

For some strange reason after that awareness I felt freer, like there was a way out of this prison that I wanted to take. And I think I did, though this obsession was always available to fall back into if needed! :) Apparently personal freedom never comes from another person changing!

A few days ago a fella mentioned how thankful he was that he discovered it was not really what his wife was doing that was causing his upset - that it was him and his attitudes and actions that was making him miserable (and her).  He was grateful, he said, because if his upset was because of him, then there was some hope of change.  If it was his wife, then he would have to try to control her and that already was not working!  It gave him hope.  And I had hope too!

I am convinced God never puts or leaves us in situations where the well-being of our soul depends on another person changing.  That would be cruel.  There is always a way that when taken leads to life, for ourselves, and then for others.

"Jesus, thank you for taking my crud on yourself and taking it away from me.  I often sneak it back, I confess, and then I find someone to blame.  Help me to come more quickly to the point where I leave it with you and spare myself and others of getting it on ourselves.  As always, thank you.  Amen"