First, a little update. Some of you have been asking about our daughter Janelle who has had three miscarriages, the last one at 16 weeks (Elijah) and is now at 26 weeks with this little one.   At the time I wrote a few weeks ago her cervix was doing what it does when the baby is about to be born - lengthening out.  The numbers has gotten down to around 7 (I don't really know what that means either!) but Simeon (her husband) and Velma were specifically praying that her cervix would close.  Also, that particular week, at the doctor's orders, she changed from lying on an incline to lying totally flat.  A week later the numbers were checked and found to be between 15 and 22!  (That's the right direction.)  Was that an answer to prayer or a natural effect of lying flat?  Don't know and don't need to.  And the latest is that yesterday at her checkup the nurse said she was doing so well they didn't even need to do an ultrasound and won't need to see her for a couple of weeks. We are all grateful.  She says she is going to go 36 weeks.  So . . . we continue to wait, hope, pray, release, etc.  Thanks for caring.


Now, the musings on "Is it I?" 

This is what Jesus' disciples asked, one by one, when he told them over the Last Supper that one of them would betray him.  It is interesting to me that they each asked if it was them, as though they believed, despite what they hoped, that it could be.

For some reason this strikes me as a very humble thing to ask.  It was like each of them thought that, despite what they were aware of about themselves, the possibility existed that they were capable of such a thing.  I think it's great that they were open to such a possibility; that they didn't assume they knew all about themselves.

Different people have observed that in the history of the world some of the greatest damage to humankkind has done by people who were sure that what they were doing was right.

Being sure of oneself may not be all that it's cracked up to be!

Someone was talking to me recently about how some people just can't imagine how any woman could possibly do something like have an abortion, for instance.  Perhaps somewhat for that reason or simply because the woman couldn't imagine either she could do such a thing, it is excruciating to admit. 

I think it is more realistic to think that we are actually much more like each other than different when it comes to what we are capable of doing.  At my best I admit I am much more like you than I am like God when it comes to making choices.  How can I possibly know what I would do if I were in your shoes?  How can one ever know what one would do in another's shoes?  There is no way of actually being in those shoes since all that goes into making people who they are is very complex.  One can say what one would hope to do, but to say for sure is being like Jesus' friend Peter who insisted he would never deny Jesus and then several hours later is doing exactly that.  Of course, just like him, we discover we aren't able to live up to our ideals, and, just like Peter, are received by Jesus despite our betrayal of him and ourselves.

"Is it I?"  Always keep in mind that it could be.

"Lord Jesus, I treasure certain views of myself that make reality hard to face sometimes and I get exposed as not being all that I thought I was.  While that is painful, it is also relieving in some strange way.  It helps me let go of the load of performance pressure.  If I am not all that I thought I was I can stop trying to be something I'm not. Thanks.   Amen"

 I work with individuals, couples, and families to identify the ways of life and death in their lives and help uncover the motivation to choose that which leads to life, whether it be through counseling or spiritual direction.  - Sheldon Swartz, MA/LMFT