"Choose life . . ." - Moses, in Deut. 30:19




It's been about a year since I began writing these email reflections.  The first one focus on this thing of choosing, and because I think freedom of choice is such a crucial ingredient of our growth, and an incredible gift we have been given, I'd like to value it again by writing about it.

Obviously if someone who knew everything and was good always told us what to think and do and we did it we would be spared a lot of pain in life that goes along with the way we learn.  However, we would experience another kind of pain that God went to great lengths to save us from.  That is the pain of having no choice.  Human beings were created to have choices, to be aware that we have choices, and to be free to choose the good or the bad.  Without it, we die.

Choosing is such an essential aspect of living.  While choosing is difficult at times, even then we resist giving up the freedom to choose.  Sometimes when someone is expressing a bit of frustration about having so many choices and not being sure what to choose, like looking at a menu at a restaurant, I like to ask, "Well, would you like me to decide for you?"  The answer is always a definite "No!". . . even though I would choose something good for them!

I am afraid that by our tendency to focus on "not sinning" we sometimes make it hard for people to be free to choose.  People are so much more free to choose when they are not afraid of making mistakes.  Occasionally I ask myself, "Ok, Sheldon, if you were not at all bound by moral guidelines or any "shoulds" or "shouldn'ts", how would you live your life differently?"  And a few things come to mind right away that sound like ways to live that would hold more pleasure, but then the fun gets all messed up for me by my awareness of where it would lead and what the effect would be on my soul and I end up saying to myself, "Oh, shucks, I don't really want to go that way after all." And I am grateful that I have been created in such a way that I can go down a road in my mind and heart to the place that I see I don't want to be, and then spare myself of it.  Because, while we do have freedom to choose, we don't have the freedom to decide what the results will be of those choices.  The hard reality is that poor choices lead to greater pain - always - even if it isn't seen or experienced for awhile.

I believe part of the reason why the incarnate God, Jesus, gave His life on the cross was so that we would be free to choose.  Through having a way for our sins to be forgiven so that nothing is held against us, we become free to choose out of something other than pressure or fear of condemnation.  It still amazes me that "there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1).  Sometimes I refuse to believe that and go ahead and condemn myself anyway when I have fallen short.  Like I really believe that will help me become free to choose the good!  Whenever I think I am doing what God is doing when I condemn myself, I am dead wrong.  Condemnation never leads to freedom.

It takes time for us religious folks to really get it through our hearts and minds that God's first response to us when we fail is not, "Why did you do that?"  God's concern is that we know that grace and truth is available to us, no matter how we fail.  I've had to admit, sorry to say, that so much of my bad feeling when I fail is wounded pride, like "I'm better than this - I'm not really the kind of person who fails like this."  "I'm not surprised that others do, but not me - I'm better than that."

Ouch, that reminds me of a little story Jesus told about the good guy who was so grateful to God that he was not like the stinkin' sinner who seemed really hopeless about his ability to get it right and begged for God's mercy.  The first went away justifying himself and the second left forgiven.  Which one would you rather meet on the street?

So, imagine a God who enjoys you the way you are. Nothing "wrong" in you seems to stand in the way of His enjoyment.  He doesn't really seem to notice how you are missing it in the process of learning - just loves you and wants to be in relationship with you, knowing that if you are able to receive what He offers you will find yourself wanting more and more to choose that which is life-giving.  Just the little principle that when we are connected with what is really good we want to foster it and we will tend to choose whatever fosters it - doesn't even take all that much effort.

That's why God wants people who know they are loved to mix with those who don't, so those others can "get it" and join those who are passing love along.

"Lord Jesus, I have to confess I am a slow learner.  I still like to have some standards I can measure myself by to see how I am doing so I know whether or not to accept myself.  That seems safer than living in a real relationship with you where the acceptance comes from You and my acceptance of that acceptance.  I'm not sure I want to depend on You that much. Even though I know where self-sufficiency leads I'm not sure I want to surrender it.  Maybe tomorrow.  I sound like a glutton for punishment, now, don't I?  Thanks for giving me the freedom to suffer.  Amen.

I work with individuals, couples, and families to identify the ways of life and death in their lives and help uncover the motivation to choose that which leads to life, whether it be through counseling or spiritual direction.  - Sheldon Swartz, MA/LMFT