I don't think God is particularly interested in anyone getting snookered into the Kingdom and then finding out they didn't have what it took to live in it. In the context of the passage above it even looks like Jesus' motivation for saying one should count the cost is to protect our dignity - so we won't be ridiculed for getting started and not finishing. Interesting. 

We are encouraged to be as realistic as we can when we think of following Christ because in fact when we surrender fully to Him and what it takes to grow into what we were created and redeemed to be, life can get a lot harder.  Many times it appears not to be worth it, and we cry out "this is not what I signed up for!  This is not the way it is supposed to go!"  Jesus doesn't try to hide the fact that entering into the Kingdom is going to cost you your life (your own natural ideas about how life should be and work.) and He seemed to think you really ought to have a choice about whether or not you go that direction..

While we know growth is good, it does cause new problems.  Let me use a little example. (Hang in here with me a bit if there doesn't seem to be any connection to what I wrote above.) If you could see my desk right now you would see a moderate mess.  I think I know where everything is, but it doesn't really look nice.  There's stuff on my desk I never use and never will.  There are books in front of me that I will never look at again.  (Oh how I hate to believe that!)  Along with the stuff I don't use is the stuff I do use, so my desk overall is very useful to me.

Occasionally I get the urge to clean it off and organize things.  I like how it looks when it is clean and I even tell myself I'm going to keep it that way.  Ha.  It doesn't take long until I have things back to what is emotionally comfortable to me, despite the fact that it doesn't look good and that it makes it a little harder to find what I need. I can relax.  (That's why cleaning up other people's messes often doesn't really help them.  It's much better to help them clean it up, if they really want to change anything.)

When I think about this I am aware that the clean space with no clutter in it, while it looks good, makes me a little nervous.  When I clean out the clutter, there is more space for living.  There is room to think about how I might want to use the space differently.  I have the opportunity to live a different life, and it scares me.  What do I do with this space?  I'd rather be comfortable. And so I let things where they fall and move them around until all that good space is filled up again with a certain amount of clutter.  I am resisting growth, settling for sameness and familiarity.  I don't want to pay the price.

I often get to work with people who are trying to set healthier boundaries in their lives, seeking to take responsibility for what is their own to deal with and leaving to others what is theirs.  "Cleaning things up a bit", we might say.  Now if you want your life to get harder, start doing that!  People get used to relating to us a particular way and when we change to healthier ways of relating, it throws others off and they may struggle to accept the changes, perhaps wanting less to do with us.  It's unsettling if we don't seem to revolve our lives around them as much anymore because we are letting go of responsibility that is not ours to take.  We might even believe them if they accuse us of not caring or being selfish.  If we find a lot of satisfaction in having people like us, it's hard to change in these ways.  There's a price to pay.

I can't, however, recall ever working with anyone who is well down the road to setting healthy boundaries that wants to go back to their old way of living, even if the cost is not being liked as well by others.  The sense of self-control and freedom of choice makes any loss of relationship a secondary issue.  In fact, of course, good people are attracted to persons who are able to say yes and no, because they know that brings freedom in a relationship.  But one first has to die to the desire to be liked in order to grow, and one never knows what will happen with their relationships.

Where do you resist change?  Where do you know you are stagnating, setting for the comfort of stability instead of reaching out into danger and aliveness?  Can we make room for the new and unfamiliar?

I hope your desire to grow persists through the challenges that your healthy change brings into your world and that you are willing to sacrifice that of lesser value for that of greater value!

"God, stir in me the desire to grow through the difficulties that come because of my courage to change.  I know I have a choice of whether I kill my desire to grow or nurture it.  Give me the courage to nurture it and trust you with whatever happens.  Amen"


I work with individuals, couples, and families to identify the ways of life and death in their lives and help uncover the motivation to choose that which leads to life, whether it be through counseling or spiritual direction.  - Sheldon Swartz, MA/LMFT