It's apparent from the context of this passage that sin is deceitful and one of the manifestations is the choice to harden one's heart in response to testing or hardship. 

One of the characteristics of a hard heart is that it doesn't feel.  Duh. That's the point of hardening it!  One way to control the level of pain is to harden one's "feeler."

What intrigues me is that if we are asked not to harden our hearts then it must not be an automatic process.  We have a choice.  If our heart gets hard, it's because we have chosen hardness as a way to deal with whatever.  It doesn't just happen to us in response to life's events, no matter how unjust they may be.  We choose it. 

The good news is, it works!  Sure enough, when we harden our hearts we don't feel pain!  We're ok!  It doesn't bother us so much any more.  We might get harrassed along the way by triggers or dreams or unexplained irritation or outbursts but perhaps if ignored they will go away.  Or we may feel a little numb, unaffected by things we would like to be affected by (like sadness when someone close dies) but that seems more manageable than revealing the softness the hardness protects. 

Of course the bad news is that often the pain of deadness becomes greater than the pain of aliveness, and we become concerned.  (Actually, that may be the truly good news.)  We realize we feel good when we feel bad/sad about some unfortunate event and we begin to consider that we may want a heart that feels, even if it hurts and makes us feel vulnerable and exposed.

Since struck by the awareness that hardness is a choice I've tried to be more aware of exactly what I am doing with my heart when I encounter life.  As I wrote about last week, one way I tend to harden myself is the refusal to hope.  Yes, that is a kind of hardening since the goal is to not feel legitimate joy and pleasure.

I've also become more aware of how easy it is to shut off my heart when pain/anger/hurt are triggered.  I confess I do not want to cry out to God as I am.  I want to kill the feelings first, then come.  Yeah, what's the point then of coming?  I feel vulnerable when I have those feelings, so I also tend not to want to come to other human beings as I am, either.

I am sobered by Jesus' question to the disciples after he had fed the thousands and a day later they were wondering about where they were going to get bread.  He asked if their hearts were hardened.  Mark 8:14-21  Evidently a hard heart can't "get it" - can't see beyond the natural.  That seems like good motivation to keep one's heart soft - if in fact it opens ones eyes to see beyond what is immediately visible!

Would I rather have a soft broken heart that sees than a hard intact one that doesn't hurt but can't see? 

"Lover of my soul, lover of all souls, I don't think I like this.  My  heart, when it is inhabited by your grace and truth, is a wonderful place, but I confess that so often I am not aware of that Grace and Truth and so depend on my ability to harden in order to feel safe and protected.  To abandon myself to your provisions seems like suicide . . . until I remember your promises to me that cannot be broken.  Then trust still seems like suicide but . . . maybe . . . just maybe . . . O God, help me!  I pray this in the name of the One whose heart never hardened and who asks us to follow Him as though that is a good thing.   Amen"

Oh, by the way, we had a wonderful time with our grandson last Friday evening and Saturday . . . but I won't go into the details!  I can say that embracing my hope made a difference.

I work with individuals, couples, and families to identify the ways of life and death in their lives and help uncover the motivation to choose that which leads to life, whether it be through counseling or spiritual direction.  - Sheldon Swartz, MA/LMFT