How often I would like to plead ignorance when it comes to making decisions.  "I just don't know what to do."  If only that were true every time I ask it. I would be a whole lot more innocent!

But I know too much. It keeps becoming more clear to me that my primary problem is not lack of knowledge.  I have fed an illusion too much of my life that I need to know more before I can act . . . so I read books that are supposed to help me.  I feel inspired.  I "learn" a lot.  I begin to think I understand something and I feel good about that.  And I close the book and say, "That was really good."

The painful reality is that if do not take what I "learned" and translate it into action, I haven't learned it, no matter how well I am able to tell you about it.  I don't really know it. Truth is empty if not lived.  And you like me have noticed how much easier it is to talk about what one believes than it is to live it.  Of course there is no fruit from just talking - so when I just talk and don't act, maybe I think there's something more important than acting by faith and bearing fruit?  According to Paul in I Corinthians 13, I might decide that at least the noise I am making is important!  (sounding gong, clanging cymbol)

One of the most common thoughts I have that I kid myself with is this:

"I don't know what to do next."  I find that much of the time (not always) it's not really that I don't know what to do next.  It's that part of me doesn't want to do what's next, and so I play ignorant. 

This can apply to simple actions in dealing with one's physical world like, where should I start cleaning? or actions taken in relationships like, how should I relate to this person?  I may know that if there is conflict in a relationship I should talk and also invite the other to talk while I try to listen.  At times I may know I should remain silent and not get defensive.  And if I pay attention I will often discover what I want to do next.

Parker Palmer (Let Your Life Speak is one of his books) speaks of the "inner teacher" that resides in all of us.  Whether you call it the Holy Spirit, the Christ within, your deepest self, or something else, it is what dwells in us that knows how to live/what to do.  We need to trust that it is there, that it knows more than we do, and that if we ask honestly, something will often come to us (maybe an hour, day, week, month, year later) about what to do and we'll know that we didn't "think it up on our own." 

In a nutshell, I have more capability of making decisions than I want to admit.  Maybe a good question for ourselves when we profess confusion is "What do I know about the way to take here that I don't want to acknowledge or wrestle with?"  If I profess confusion to others about what do do, the question I would want to hear first is, "Well, what have been your thoughts about what to do?  Is there anything you already know?"  I like that since no one else knows what I should do, and, conversely, I don't know what others should do.  But we can help each other pay attention to our inner selves from whence perspective and direction may come.

Probably the greatest gift to that process is total honesty with oneself.  Never as easy as spoken!

"God, you know how I like to play ignorant sometimes and that when I am asking You what to do I don't really mean it because I either already have an idea of what is right or I don't really want to know because I am not planning on taking it seriously anyway.  No wonder you don't share much on command.  You just might love me by asking, 'What do you think?' or 'What do you want?' since good and right desires are already in me.  I'm not sure I want to pay attention to my own thoughts and feelings that much, but You probably won't let me off the hook.  Thanks, I guess.  Amen"

I work with individuals, couples, and families to identify the ways of life and death in their lives and help uncover the motivation to choose that which leads to life, whether it be through counseling or spiritual direction.  - Sheldon Swartz, MA/LMFT