I still see the picture of  20+ years ago.  My four young children and Velma being outside getting into a water fight and me standing on the porch watching them, thinking I should join them.  Kind of sad that this inherently innocent and fun activity carried a should with it, right? 

However, I was in touch with another side of me also - the desire to let go and let myself into the "fun."  That particular time I surrendered to that side, and it was, of course, fun!  The "supposed to be fun" turned into actual fun because I gave myself permission to enjoy an underdeveloped playful side of myself.

When with a group of newer friends recently we were talking about how people have moved from treating one's medical doctor as being kind of all-knowing and right to listening to his opinion, seeking second opinions, doing research on the web, and coming up with their own conclusions as to what is best for them or someone they are caring for.  I said, halfway tongue-in-cheek, "That's happened to pastors, too." (I used to be one.) Wow, what a barrage of good-humored questioning came from that!  It started with, "Did that happen to you, huh?" and they continued with a string of comments, playing off each other, that left me feeling slightly embarrassed but also strangely warmed.  They were having innocent fun and being playful, with me! 

I do enjoy cars and mechanical stuff, but the real reason I listen to CarTalk on NPR is to experience how Tom and Ray interact with each other and their callers.  It's a kind of conversational fast dance that is lifegiving to me to listen to.  I have this continual hope that it will whet the part of me that is capable of the same thing to a much greater degree than is possible in the present!

Being playful requires being able to abandon the control designed to "keep oneself in line" and be in touch with the God-given part of oneself that wants to be refreshed through playfulness, lack of concern, and pure enjoyment.  Life is serious enough without having to deal with it without the benefit of our God-given humor and playfulness!

So, right now, if in my playfulness you said, "Oh, Sheldon, grow up!"  I'd say, "No, thank you. Growing down is much better!"  :)

Yes, of course playfulness can be used to avoid serious issues that really need to be discussed.  However, I am reminded of an observation Edwin Friedman made about families and the laws of family process in his book Generation to Generation.  He said, "The seriousness with which families approach their problems can be more the cause of their difficulties than the effect of the problems."  Hmmm . . . I wonder.

"God, I believe you delight when you see your children play, and be playful with each other because it's a fruit of trust and giving up control.  Sometimes I'm afraid to be in touch with that side of myself because it seems a little vulnerable to let down so much to let the innocent, playful side come out.  But, with your blessing, I'll try to be more willing.  Help me, please.  Amen"


Sheldon Swartz, M.A, LMFT works with individuals, couples, and families to identify the ways of life and death in their lives and help uncover the motivation to choose that which leads to life, whether it be through counseling or spiritual direction.