"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.  And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.  As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me."
           - Romans 7:15 - 17

Today I was at an educational event dealing with sexual addiction.  The man who introduced the speaker used this passage in his short devotional.  And of course the issue today was how Paul's description of his experience relates to sexual behavior.

Some time ago I sat with a couple where the man, by her request and his choice, was beginning the process of disclosing the facts to her about his wrong sexual behavior over the years of their marriage.  She had gotten to the point where she wanted to know the truth of what he had done in the interest of establishing a relationship based on honesty and trust instead of hiding and distrust and knowing exactly what she would need to forgive, if there were to be any hope for true intimacy in their relationship in the future. 

Here was a Christian man who knew his behavior was wrong and had tried to stop over and over again, to no avail.  He was feeling like a total failure and the idea of revealing evidence of the extent of that behavior to his wife was just about more than he could stomach.  And the idea of listening to it was, for awhile, more than the woman could imagine hearing and surviving.  But they both believed it was the right thing to do and were trusting God to help them.

So, with some guidelines to help protect the relationship from further damage, he became willing to face that agony and give the truth a chance to work for good. 

Anytime people are willing to face the truth, with humility, there is hope.

In one sense the Scripture passage above seems to relieve one of personal responsibility.  "I do wrong?  Of course.  It's the sin living in me.  Not my fault!"

A little problem: sinful behavior leads to destruction - ours.  I can blame it on the sin living in me all I want, but the reality is that I have choices about how I respond to the reality of that alien force living in me and those choices either lead me down the road of destruction or the road to life.

The reality is that I do not have the power within me to overcome the power of that sinful force on my own, separated from God, others, and myself as I am.  It requires me to be honest about my helplessness, how I am screwing up the life I've been given and I can't stop.

The speaker today mentioned the one man (a recovering alcoholic) in the circle of people who were firing him from his leadership roles due to his out-of-control sexual behavior coming to light who got up, came over to him, pulled him out of his chair and embraced him.  And he whispered in his ear, "Your problem with sexual behavior is no different than my problem with alcohol."  That started him on his healing journey.

Truth and love.  Grace and truth.  There is nothing with more power to heal the broken and despairing.  The couple mentioned above had a long road of personal and marital healing to walk, but they were getting a good start in facing their brokenness, turning from their futile ways of trying to heal their pain, and opening themselves to the healing power of God through his Spirit and other broken people.

"God, something about admitting I can't control myself doesn't go down very well with me.  I'd like to find someone to blame, but I know it's me, and that I need a Power beyond myself to help me face myself and to surrender to.  That often involves humbling myself before other human beings, and I don't like that idea either, but only because I'm obsessed with my image.  Help me to take myself off the hook of needing to prove anything and become the real, loving human being that you've created and redeemed me to be so that I can be a part of your redeeming work in others. Amen"