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Hello ,
This issue wrestles with the puzzler
of why God seems to value free choice more than doing what is right.
- Sheldon Swartz
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The Value of Freedom to Choose
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 "There was a man who had two sons . . ." Jesus, beginning a story that lets us in on what God is like, and what we could be like!
(Matthew 15:11-21)
Yes, this is the story of the son who asked for his share of the inheritance from his father, got it, and used it to get to the end of himself and another son who stayed home and had an attitude problem. It's the story where the father's responses surprised them both.
I think I am still getting this - God seems to value a person's freedom to choose "wrong" more than them doing what is "right." It intrigues me that Jesus tells this story as though the father did nothing to try to convince the first son that his choice was not a wise one or good for him. In fact he helps him do the "wrong" thing by giving him all sorts of resources to pursue happiness however he wanted. Is God like that? Isn't that what we would call enabling behavior?
I had a couple of phone conversations a couple of years ago with someone who was struggling with how to relate to her husband's destructive behavior. She responded to one of these emails the other day and said that the most helpful thing I said in one of those conversations was "Even God lets people walk away" and I had some Scripture that indicated that was so - it may have been this passage. She really did let go and now, according to her, she and her husband are doing very well.
Now it doesn't always work that way when we become fully willing to accept another's freedom to choose. Sometimes their choice really does put them out there and they don't come back. We really do lose them.
But we have a choice when we give people freedom to choose to do "wrong" and they take it and do the very "wrong" we thought we were protecting them from! We are forced to acknowledge that our direct influence is limited and that it is more important that they make their own choices, even if they are wrong, than that they try to conform to our wonderful plan for their lives (which, of course, seems the same as God's, to us :) )
You may wonder why I keep putting "right" and "wrong" in quotes. Here's why - just some things to think about. Is something wrong if one learns valuable lessons from it? What if at times we can only learn valuable lessons by doing wrong and experiencing the results of those decisions? Have any of us escaped that way of learning? I sure haven't!
"Lord Jesus, sometimes in our attempts to be helpful to others we make it really hard for them to make their own choices. Please help us to hear that little check within that let's us know that we are taking more responsibility for another's choices than is consistent with love. Amen"
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Sheldon Swartz, M.A, LMFT works with individuals, couples, and families to identify the ways of life and death in their lives and help uncover the motivation to choose that which leads to life, whether it be through counseling or spiritual direction.
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