Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, it seems like you reach a dead end with your spouse or significant other when trying to resolve an important issue. You thought about all possible approaches and made plenty of suggestions, but no agreement seems forthcoming. While persistence can be a virtue in some situations, it simply leads to frustration in others. If you keep doing what you've been doing, then you can only expect to receive the same results. The following are five negotiating options for you to consider to help you resolve your next disagreement with your significant other.
1. Expand the Pie.
Review your situation or problem and create some other possibilities. If you've gotten down to a choice between two options and neither party is willing to agree to the other's choice, then back up and come up with some other choices. Avoid assumptions about how this particular issue should be resolved. Open up your imagination and creativity and come up with some other solutions.
2. Expand Your Point of View.
Sometimes, we are so focused on our own thoughts and ideas that we begin having trouble understanding how anyone could possibly think any other way on an issue. When you become bogged down in this process, an impasse can result. One solution is to listen to the other person and then repeat back to him or her what is being said. If you can just put into your own words what the other side is saying, it can increase your understanding of their position. It may open up your thoughts to new possibilities.
3. Go Back to Your Broad Goals.
It is very easy in negotiations to get drawn into side discussions or arguments on small points. We have all found ourselves going down side arguments that have no bearing on the issue we originally wanted to resolve. As you get diverted into lower level goals, the options available are reduced and potential for impasse increases. One way to get out of that trap is to stop the discussion and go back to your goals. Goals generally are more neutral and should always be the ideal in mind as you negotiate with your spouse and significant other.
4. Dealing with Issues at a Broader Level Increases the Number of Opportunities to Find Solutions.
Get professional help. Usually when we are discussing an important issue with our significant other, we are trying to fashion solutions that deal with only the two of us. Sometimes it pays to get the opinion of a third professional. If a discussion deals with your financial futures, then you may wish to consult with a CPA or financial planner. If it deals with parenting disputes regarding your child, you may wish to seek out the advice of a marital and family therapist or a child-focused mental health professional. Being perceived as neutral has provided these professionals much more credibility and effectiveness, but consulting these professionals together will provide more credibility and effectiveness than either you or your significant other would.
5. Start Off with Areas of Agreement.
If you've come to a standstill somewhere in your discussions, you should consider switching topics and working on subjects where you expect to agree. Then you can build some momentum. There are always some areas where spouses or individuals in committed relationships will easily agree, and even reaching easy agreements can result in good feelings and the willingness to cooperate. Of course, that doesn't mean that both sides will agree on everything once they commence agreeing on smaller issues, but the momentum can be a helpful force for you.
It's not unusual in love and life to get stuck once in a while. The above negotiation tips have been useful in my practice as a divorce attorney. At the same time, they provide spouses in intact marriages or individuals in committed relationships some different tools to resolve their disputes.
