By March, however, our goals have usually been abandoned if not completely forgotten. Diets have been abandoned, exercise routines lost, frustration with our ex-spouses mount and we get discouraged. Why is this such a common and familiar pattern? And, how can we give ourselves a better chance of obtaining the happiness we are seeking?

Too often we blame our lack of success or consistency in pursuing our goals on a lack of "will power". We perceive in ourselves some fundamental weakness that undermines our discipline and prevents us from being able to "stick it out" when problems arise. Believe it or not, this is an odd and relatively recent concept that has very little foundation in psychology or philosophy. As St. Thomas Aquinas emphasized, our decisions and actions are always motivated by our natural desire to obtain what is good and avoid what is evil. So even when we make bad choices or pursue something that is ultimately harmful to us, we do so under the belief that we are getting something good out of it. Our will, which is the seat of our freedom, is only motivated by goodness and our natural pursuit of happiness.

So when we fail to meet our goals or stick to our resolutions, it is probably not because we saw an opportunity for happiness and just decided not to pursue it. The more likely explanation is that we got distracted by things that seemed to promise a greater degree of happiness or a happiness that was easier to obtain. If I am planning to go to the gym, for example, and wear myself out doing exercises I don't enjoy in the hope that I will be happier and healthier sometime in the future, there are probably any number of things I could do that would bring a more immediate pleasure and would not involve all the negative aspects of going to the gym. Or if I resolve to work on forgiving my ex-spouse for all the pain he or she has caused me because I've been told it is a good thing to do but I find that difficult to do so, it is not a habit that is likely to last very long. And, on top of losing my motivation, I am likely to feel guilty about my lack of resolve and my seeming inability to be a good person. Then, I may begin to resent the fact that God seems to be asking things of me that I can't do and question how loving he could really be.

There are several things we can do to keep ourselves from falling into this trap as we contemplate our resolutions for the year ahead. First, we can remember that there is no greater source of happiness than the love we receive from God. Our natural desire for happiness finds its ultimate satisfaction in him. Traditional Catholic teaching is that our natural desires are inspirations toward God. Pope Benedict XVI refers to and applies this teaching very eloquently in his first encyclical Deus caritas est (God is Love). But, unfortunately, one of our human fallibilities is to think of spiritual realities as having little or nothing to do with natural realities. And so we seek fulfillment for our natural desires only in the natural world.

Second, we can contemplate the reality that no one is closer to us or understands our individual needs better than the Father who created us. Although it is difficult to understand, God is closer to each one of us than we are to ourselves. And he created each one of us to be absolutely unique and irreplaceable. He did this freely out of love. The practical consequence of this reality is that each one of us has a picture of true happiness that is absolutely unique. Although we share common needs, each one of us can find our happiness only by becoming who God made us to be. Thus, Pope John Paul II taught that when we pray we enter an interior sanctuary that is accessible to no one else but God. This is one of the reasons why praying often is so important. And, why finding real happiness is so difficult. There is no script or prescription we can rely on. There is only the patient effort of prayer, study, self awareness, and experience.

Finally, we must realize that the primary obstacle to the happiness we desire is fear. Because our lives are completely dependent on the gift of our Creator and because we lack perfect trust in his love, we live in constant fear of our vulnerability. This fear is so natural that we often don't pay much attention to it. Nevertheless, our thoughts, feelings and actions are constantly influenced by a more or less conscious pursuit of security. The happiness God desires for us involves a freedom from these fears. Notice sometime how often references to fear or anxiety appear in Scripture and in the language of the Mass. But to free ourselves from these fears we have to first acknowledge and accept our weaknesses, insecurities, and vulnerabilities. In other words, we have to become "poor in spirit" (Mt. 5: 3). So as we consider our hopes and resolutions for the new year, perhaps we can take some time to be creative and go beyond the "standard" ideas for self-improvement. We can pray about our natural desires and work toward accepting God's unique plan for each one of us. And we can grow closer to the Father who longs to free us from fear and lead us to perfect happiness.

Dr. Tony Palmer is a clinical psychologist practicing in Alpharetta, GA. Information about his services for individuals, couples and families can be found at www.doctortonypalmer.com or by calling his office at (678) 528- 1728.

Food for Thought From "Divorced. Catholic. Now What?"

1. Pray everyday. 2. Stay close the Sacraments. 3. Read Sacred Scripture and uplifting books. 4. Journal - perhaps one of the best forms of self-help.