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| by Expert Copy Strategist, Charlon Bobo |
Another inspired week is upon us. To empower you with direct resources to increased, measurable results, this week's features include:
Charlon Bobo is the founder and team leader of EditCopyProof | Wordsmithing and Editing Solutions -- Transforming Words Into Profits. Proficient in many diverse writing roles, her expertise spans more than 25 years. This solid foundation offers you a single and final destination in your quest for extraordinary press-ready services including copyediting, copywriting and proofreading. Visit us TODAY at EditCopyProof to submit your Request For Proposal. |
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| Charlon Bobo |
Small-space Copy Illuminated
There is no doubt small spaces require
special attention. Space is a precious
commodity; especially on instruction or
ingredient labels. Based on experience, each
word must pull its own weight.
A client recently contacted me about copy for a very small label. Directions for a similar product said, "Swirl, tap, buff." As a consumer myself, with these directions, I wouldn't know how to use the product most effectively. Swirl what? Using what? Tap where? How hard? Buff where? To what extent? Ugh. Another frustrating experience with the product thrown into the back of a drawer, never to see the light of day. Keep in mind these 3 guidelines as you write any copy, but especially copy for tight spaces: Guideline 1 Don't assume your customer will instinctively know how to use your product. Guideline 2 Don't frustrate your customer by forcing her to try to figure out how to use your product. Guideline 3 It's your job to instruct your consumer. Do it effectively. My client required as few words as possible to fit the limited space, but as importantly, the words had to effectively communicate how to use the product. After all, what's the point if the words don't truly instruct and empower? Below are some actual label instructions found on consumer products. They are not only attempts to write effectively in a small space, but to relieve the supplier of liability. Avoid this approach! It's lame and totally transparent to the consumer. Other examples exhibit simple carelessness, language/translation issues, and lack of attention to dual meanings. These examples may cause you to laugh, but if it's your business name on the product, you have much to lose. If consumers perceive you as inept, will they purchase from you more than once? Probably not. This translates to a disastrous impact on your reputation and your business. 1. On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO. 2. On a helmet-mounted mirror used by U.S. cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU. 3. On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE. 4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT. 5. On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS. 6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.) 7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids - LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET. 8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END. 9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL? 10. On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING. 11. On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!) 12. On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And that would be how?) 13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) - DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (Too late! You lose!) 14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.) 15. On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?) 16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to... ?) 17. On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE. (Now I'm curious.) 18. On Sainsbury's peanuts - WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS. (Really? Peanuts contain nuts?) 19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts - INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I'm glad they cleared that up.) 20. On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS. (What kind of consumer phonecall led to this warning?) 21. On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. (Bummer, I want my $8.95 back!) 22. On some frozen dinners - SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST. 23. On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box - FITS ONE HEAD. 24. On packaging for a Rowenta iron - DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY. 25. On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine" - DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY. 26. On nightly sleep aid - WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS. (Duh! It well BETTER cause drowsiness at that price!) Someone, somewhere, approved this copy! Don't let this happen to you! What can you learn from these examples? Have several people review your small-space copy to ensure it conveys what you intend. Otherwise, you risk losing your precious reputation, as well as sales. |
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| Charlon Bobo |
Gender-focused copy, services, marketing and products
I see so much emphasis on this interesting
trend and I'm writing an article on the
topic. Look for it next week!
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| Charlon Bobo |
Thoughts on self-value
I write on this topic often, but it keeps
coming up, so I keep writing.
A prospect contacted me recently and wanted to set up a free consultation. My expertise is not free. More than two decades of sweat, time, energy and money leaves me with this amazing skillset. And it's worth every penny of my hourly rate... and MUCH MORE! But only if I know this is true and remain committed to this clarity. This comes up often for female entrepreneurs. How often have you been approached for a barter? How often do you feel at least temporarily obliged to say, "Yes," without stopping to assess how this response relates to your self-value? In my experience, the more I say, "No," the more free I am to pursue those opportunities that truly honor and support my knowing that what I have to offer the world does indeed have value. Until our culturally agreed-on method of fair exchange goes from cash to bartership, I remain committed to exchanging my time and expertise for it's fair and inherent value in the form of cash. It is my sincere wish for you that you see the importance of doing the same. In Sisterhood, Light & Love, 
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