Healthy boundaries create healthy relationships.

Boundaries can be physical or emotional. Physical boundaries define who can touch us, how someone can touch us, and how physically close another may approach us. Emotional boundaries define where our feelings end and another's begins. Our physical and emotional boundaries define how we relate with others, and how we allow others to relate with us. Without boundaries, our lives would chaotic and out of our control.

Boundaries can be too rigid. Those whose boundaries are rigid or inflexible literally shut out everyone from their lives. They appear indifferent and withdrawn and do not talk about or show feelings. They display extreme self-reliance and do not ask for help. They do not allow anyone to get physically or emotionally close to them. It is as if they live in a house surrounded by a massive wall with no gates. No one is permitted in.

Those whose boundaries are too loose put their hands on strangers and let others touch them inappropriately. They may be promiscuous, confuse sex and love, and get too close to others too fast. They may assume the feelings of others as their own, easily become emotionally overwhelmed, give too much, take too much, and be in constant need of reassurance. They may expect others to read their minds, say "yes" when they want to say "no," and feel  responsible for the feelings of others. Those with loose boundaries often live chaotic lives, full of drama, as if they lived in houses with no fences, gates, locks, or doors.

Those with healthy boundaries are firm but flexible. They give support and accept it. They respect their feelings, needs, opinions, and rights, and those of others. They are assertive and respectful of the rights of others. They are able to have empathy for others, are able to make mistakes without damaging their self-esteem, and have an internal sense of personal identity. They respect diversity. Those with healthy boundaries are comfortable with themselves and make others comfortable around them.  They live in houses with fences and gates that allow access only to those who respect their boundaries.

Learning to set healthy boundaries can feel awkward, even frightening. It may contradict the survival skills we learned in childhood - especially if our caretakers were physically, sexually, or emotionally abusive. For instance, we may have learned to suppress anger or other painful feelings to avoid criticism for expressing the pain the abuse had caused. Consequently, setting healthy boundaries as an adult may initially be accompanied by anxiety, but learning to work through these conditioned fears is the only way to ever have healthy relationships. This process of growth takes time, and should always be a "Work in Progress."

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Group therapy, like individual therapy, is a powerful vehicle for growth and change. It is allows people to come together under the guidance of a professionally trained therapist to help themselves and others facing similar issues, while gaining different perspectives on those issues.

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