WORK IN PROGRESS COUNSELING SERVICES, LLC
Issue No. 3

Greetings!



Youth offers the promise of happiness, but life offers the realities of grief. ~Nicholas Sparks, The Rescue.

 

As the old saying goes, there are only two things in life that are certain, death and taxes. Unfortunately if you live long enough, you will experience the death of someone you love. With the death of a family member or friend comes grief. It is expected.   

 

According to dictionary.com, grief is "keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret." Therefore, grief is the sadness, sorrow, or depression related to ANY loss. This loss can be the death of a friend, family member, or even a pet.    

  

However, people also grieve the losses related to other life events such as when they graduate from school, move to another home, change jobs or retire, are diagnosed with cancer or other serious illness, lose a home due to a natural disaster, and more. The purpose of the grieving process is to help someone grieving work through these emotions in order to accept what has happened so they can move on with peace.

 

After experiencing a loss, the strange and intense emotions and symptoms you experience may cause you to question your sanity. In this newsletter, I have provided a list of normal symptoms and behaviors to try to set your mind at ease. Most people, although they must go through the exhausting and  agonizing process, emerge from grief with their sanity and emotional health intact. However, there are times when outside help may be needed.

How do you know when to get help?

One expert defines it this way: "As long as your grief is moving, varying and 'fluid', it is okay. As long as your emotions are frequently changing, and you are exhausted at the end of the day, you're on track." However, seek professional help if grief becomes
  • Stagnate
  • Excessive
  • Prevents you from functioning
  • Fails to get better. 

Grief is not a disease or mental disorder. It is a normal emotional response to a significant loss. Sadness is expected. There is no clinical treatment. It must run its course.  

 

WARNING: Do NOT fall into the trap of using anti-anxiety medication, excessive alcohol, or other drugs to get you through your grief. It will not work. No short cuts. Anti-anxiety medications are among the most highly addictive medicines out there. You don't need that!

 

If you feel "unfinished" or think that you need help to complete your grief, you probably need a therapist for chronic grief. For more information, please visit my website:

 

  

To schedule an appointment, call (205) 994-4563. 

  

Sincerely,
Cherie May, LPC
Work In Progress Counseling, LLC

 


The PHYSICAL EFFECTS of Grief

 

These are some of the physical symptoms you may experience:

  • Lack of energy-Fatigue, muscle tightness or weakness, body aches, or the opposite end of the spectrum-restlessness.
    • The act of grieving expends a tremendous amount of energy. Fatigue is usually short-term and will improve over time.   
  • Sleep Abnormalities-Insomnia, excessive sleeping, or disturbing dreams.
    • Sleeping pills do not provide the quality of sleep your body needs right now. A very occasional pill will not hurt. Do not develop the habit of taking something to "help" every night. This is never recommended and is especially unhealthy for "grief relief".
  • Digestive Disturbances- Loss of appetite, overeating, nausea, indigestion, diarrhea, excessive weight gain or loss.
    • Your stomach will settle down as you do.   
  • Physical symptoms of anxiety-Headaches, shortness of breath, chest pressure, tightness or heaviness in the throat
    • If these symptoms are mild and improve, fine. However, chest discomfort and or shortness of breath, accompanied by nausea or sweating can be signs of a heart attack. Call 911 for severe symptoms.



EMOTIONAL EFFECTS

 

The emotions during grief are guaranteed to be unpredictable. You will be up, down, all over the place! It feels crazy, but it is normal. As long as your emotions are continually fluctuating, moving and evolving, you are progressing.

  • SADNESS & YEARNING -- Of course, you will feel sadness. You will shed many tears and then be concerned when you feel unable to cry any more.   
  • NUMBNESS -- Most people impacted by a great loss describe an initial phase of shock, numbness, or disbelief that the tragedy has even occurred. This is a typical defense mechanism of the mind to guard you from being overwhelmed by emotions. When the initial "shock" subsides, unfortunately, the grief strikes full force. At first it may seem helpful to separate yourself from the pain, but you must go through it sooner or later in order to bring your grief to resolution.   
  • RELIEF -- It is also common for you to feel at least some degree of relief, especially if the death was preceded by a prolonged illness, or if it was a conflicted relationship.  
  • GUILT & REGRET -- The feelings of relief will likely be followed by guilt. You may also feel some "survivor's guilt." ("Why her and not me?") You may have many regrets.  You may regret things left unsaid or dreams not yet realized. You may feel guilt and regret over the circumstances of the death ("Why did I let her go to the party?") Try to find comfort in the fact that most every person goes through this emotional turmoil. It is one of the common effects of grief.   
  • ANXIETY, WORRY & FEAR -You may feel helpless, powerless and even panic-stricken at times. A myriad of intense emotions is part of the whole package known as grief. With time, the intensity of these emotions will lessen.   

SOCIAL EFFECTS

You may feel the need to withdraw socially or intentionally isolate yourself from others. You may feel disconnected and disinterested in your normal day to day activities and interests. You may feel distrustful, short-tempered and even hostile. These emotions are due to a feeling that "they don't understand what I'm going through", and your impatience with their lack of understanding. This too is normal and probably justified.

 

Your social life will return to normal as you progress through your grief and slowly rejoin the land of the living. However, some of your prior relationships may be forever changed.

 

SPIRITUAL CHALLENGES

A devastating event and grief may force you into a spiritual crisis. You may challenge or question your faith or religious beliefs.

You may be angry at God or feel that life is empty and has no meaning.

  • Why did this happen? 
  • Was there some purpose for it? 
  • Was this a part of God's plan? 
  • What reason could He have to allow a senseless death or suffering?

Spirituality is such a personal thing. You may find comfort from your religious rituals. Try to include prayer in your "grief recovery" as you feel the need and desire for it. In the depths of your despair, your faith may provide support and endurance for you when everything else has seems to have failed. Try not to despair or worry too much about your spiritual doubts. These feelings are likely to change over time, just as your grief will.    

 

 

Work in Progress Counseling, LLC
Corporate East Building
213 Gadsden Hwy Suite 102
Birmingham, AL 35235 
In This Issue
Physical Effects of Grief
Emotional Effects of Grief
The 5 Stages of Grief
Tips & Warnings
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The 5 Stages of Grief 

Grieving is a personal process. It comes in stages. All people navigate through grief differently and there is no "ONE" way to navigate the grieving process. There are NO short cuts. It is important to recognize that the stages may vary greatly between individuals. There is no neat transition from one stage to the next. There may be transitions back and forth between stages,  stages can occur at the same time, or occur out of order. The stages are intended to be a good general guide of what to expect.

DENIAL. Denial is the initial reaction to loss. It is a natural defense mechanism.  

"This can't be real. This isn't happening to me." 

ANGER.  Anger occurs as the initial shock of the loss fades.

It is almost universally experienced by all who grieve. It is normal and expected for you to be infuriated and outraged about the events which have transpired.
"How could this be happening? This is not fair!" 

 

BARGAINING. The normal reaction to feelings of powerlessness and vulnerability is often futile attempts to regain control. We may attempt to make a deal with God in an attempt to undo the terrible or to postpone the inevitable.

"Please don't let him die, I'll do anything."  

People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek to negotiate a compromise.  "Can we still be friends?" when facing a break-up. 

   

DEPRESSION  As focus shifts into the present, reality  begins to settle. There is nothing that can be done to change the events that have occurred or that are coming. The feelings of sadness, regret, fear, and uncertainty, etc. may be overwhelming and feel as though they will last forever. It is important to acknowledge that this type of depression is not a sign of mental illness. It is the appropriate reaction to a great loss.     

 

ACCEPTANCE

Acceptance does not mean complete happiness. However, this is the time when you start to "get your life back." You learn to manage and live with the reality of what has occurred. The sadness begins to lessen. Life begins to interest you again. Other things occupy your thoughts more and more, lessening the space for misery and pain. Life will never be EXACTLY as it was but it is time...
YOU  MOVE FORWARD!!
 
  

 

Grief Tips & Warnings
  • Share your feelings with others.  

  • Get support.

  • Do not avoid your feelings.

  • Do not self-medicate with drugs or alcohol.

  • Do not participate in anything that makes you avoid your feelings.

 

 

 

 

WARNING SIGNS:

 

SUICIDAL IDEATION- You may feel at times like you do not want to go on, or "wish you were dead". It is normal in severe grief to have fleeting thoughts of killing yourself. The important thing to note is that these thoughts are brief in duration and they go away. If you start being obsessed with such thoughts and formulate real plans of how you would carry it out, you need to seek immediate professional help. Tell someone and get help!     

 

HIGH ANXIETY-- Intense grief can bring on some really disturbing sensations, as described above, which are normal and common. However, if you feel too scared or stressed out by what you are feeling, or are having serious anxiety/panic attacks, go see a counselor. Just a few visits with a mental health professional might be what you need to get you on track for the healing process.


 

 

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The Mission of Work in Progress Counseling, LLC is to provide direction, guidance, and support in a safe environment for those who desire emotional, relational, and spiritual healing.