If meeting the "Need Of The Moment" is so important (Marriage Skill #15), then consider for a moment, what is the best way to know your partner's 'Need Of The Moment' (Eph. 4:29 NASB), not the second best way, but the very best way?
If you said "to ask," then realize you guessed the second best, and as important and helpful as asking is to determine the 'Need Of The Moment,' there is even a better way to know the 'Need Of The Moment'-- it is to find out how you most hurt your partner.
If my wife is hurt, but won't tell me the hurt; then I have a 1 in 12 (Top 12 Needs Marriage Skills #2-14) chance of guessing the 'Need Of The Moment.' Those are not very good odds. I would never get on an airplane with a 1 in 12 chance of landing safely, would you?
But if my wife will just tell me the event that hurt her, I can usually guess the 'Need Of The Moment' every time. For example, let's suppose that I sense a wall between Terry and me. You know the wall don't you. Something is wrong; you just don't know what it is. So then, I ask Terry "Terry is there a way that I have hurt you that I have not fully resolved?" If she just tells me the event by saying "you did not take the trash out," I can quickly figure out that her 'Need Of The Moment' is clearly support (Marriage Skill #15)..
You may think I am exaggerating with my next comment -- and I probably am a little, but not near as much as you think I am. But if I meet 11 of her 12 needs perfectly, with the very perfection of Christ, but fail to meet the 'Need Of The Moment' then there is a wall of hurt between us. On the other hand, if I meet the one 'Need Of The Moment,' I can almost fail miserably at the other 11 and she thinks I am a hero.
Ask your partner if they think this true. If true, notice how much hope it gives you to restore intimacy in your marriage. You don't have to earn a PhD in marriage counseling to become intimate. You may not need months of counseling. You may not have to read dozens of books on "How To Have A Better Marriage." You probably just need to acknowledge the ways you have most hurt your partner, and drastically change them one at a time.
So the best way to truly find out your partners 'Need Of The Moment' is to find out how you most hurt them. By exploring the ways you hurt your partner and the unmet needs behind these hurts you will quickly learn some of the most valuable information about your partner that you can learn -- the first of which is knowing their "Need Of The Moment."