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"Notice Symptoms Of A Negative Emotional Kettle"


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Watch Session 3: "Notice Symptoms Of A Negative Emotional Kettle"


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Karl Elkins ThM, MA, LPC, CSC, BCPCC, DAPA
"You Do Not Have A Marriage Problem That God Cannot Fix"
If the Spirit of God raised Jesus from the dead, then He can certainly resurrect a dead marriage.  

However, they typical 1-hr session approach doesn't work, you need an Accelerated Marriage Counseling approach (AMC).

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            Our emotional capacity (represented by a tea kettle in Marriage Skill #32) is designed to experience positive emotions like love, joy, affection, and romance. Unmet needs cause our emotional kettle to fill with negative emotions pushing out the capacity for the positive emotions like this:


Unmet needs --> hurts, disappointment, sadness 

--> anger, resentment, bitterness --> guilt (from retaliating) --> condemnation --> fear, anxiety, 

resentment --> anxiety --> stress


 (Illustrated By The Emotional Kettle)

Emotional Kettle

 (Adapted from Intimate Encounters, Dr. David & Teresa Ferguson, p. 19)  


            The emotional kettle can only hold so much negative emotions and when full it begins to spew into symptoms like:


Physical symptoms: can't sleep, not getting restful sleep, weight gain or loss (from emotional eating or not-eating).


Loss of energy and concentration: sit at your desk and cannot focus, miss your exit on the freeway, go to the store and realize you forgot your checkbook, get back from the grocery store and realize you forget the main thing you went to get, any stupid thing caused by being preoccupied with the painful emotions inside the kettle.


Escapes: When hurting what do you want most? Relief! An escape. Something that will move you away from the pain you feel, like:  alcohol, drugs (illegal or illegal), sex, pornography, adultery, food, TV, novels, movies . . . 


We can actually escape into things that are not necessarily wrong such as work, ministry or house chores that distract us from our pain and problems.


Depressed mood: feeling fatigue, unmotivated, hopeless, an attitude that "nothing good will ever come out of this."


Impatience, quick temper: Overreacting by treating $10 issues as if they are $100 issues because we don't realize that the one $10 issue pulled up 10 other $100 issues of like kind.


Physical side effects: head aches, heart pains, ulscers, digestive disorders, psychosomatic problems.


Controlling behavior: overly rigid boundaries, not trusting or being vulnerable with our needs, overly self dependent and reliant, obsessive compulsive disorders, inflexibility, unavailability, rigidity, demanding and controlling personality.


Loss of positive emotions: the worst is not really all the negative things listed above, but rather the loss of positive emotions like love, joy, peace, affection romance; all the things God desires for us when He said "it is not good for the man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him" (Gen. 2:18).


Experiential Activity: What is filling / overvlowing from  your emotional kettle?


Husbands, ask your wives the following questions?  Do you connect with anything inside or outside the emotional kettle?   

  1. What stands out to you?   
  2. What emotions are you feeling inside your emotional kettle?    
  3. What symptoms are you experiencing now because of a kettle filled with negative emotions? 

Wives ask your husbands questions 1-4 above. 

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NEXT CLINIC:  April 5-6, 2012

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 * The #1 reason marriages struggle and fail
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 * Why love is not meeting a need but the "Need Of The Moment"
 * How to heal and recover from past hurts
 * "Top 12 Needs Of Men And Women"
 * How to recover from infidelity
 * Learn essential lifestyle disciplines
 * How to communicate desires and hurts without provoking anger
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This is a group event but you never share your 'stuff' 
with the group. You learn 25 skills and then privately communicate with your partner. The only person you have to talk with is your spouse! 


2-Day Marriage Clinics are held on the first Thursday / Friday of every month from 8:30 am to 6:30 pm.  The 2012 schedule is:  


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Sep 6-7


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Jul 5-6

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Contact Information:

Phone: (832) 358-0900   

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This is the fastest way to marital harmony!  Give us 3-days and you will experience the marriage you always dreamed of!



See 13 Reasons Accelerated Counseling is better than 1-hr sessions



You will learn: 


* The #1 reason marriages struggle and fail

* One concept that stops all arguing

* Why love is not meeting a need but the "Need Of The Moment"

* How to heal and recover from past hurts

* "Top 12 Needs of Men and Women"

* How to recover from infidelity

* Learn essential life style disciplines

* Get to the root of addictions

* How to communicate desires and hurts without provoking anger

* See more topics


Completely private: you, your partner and the counselor only.  No group sessions are included. 


Call to schedule. 


Phone: (832) 358-0900



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Terry Elkins MA
Private Couples CounselingPrivateCouplesCounseling

To schedule individual counseling please contact Terry at:

Phone:  (832) 358-0900
Town & Country Office Location
(Katy Freeway@ Beltway 8)

10575 Katy Freeway, Suite 315
Houston, TX 77024-1012


About Karl Elkins, LPC, ThM, MA, CSC, BCPCC, DAPAAboutKarlElkins Karl Pic

Karl has 26 years of counseling experience
having seen over 3500 clients and is an Adjunct Instructor at College of Biblical Studies teaching Marriage and Family courses. He is Founder and President of Christway Counseling Center P.C. specializing in marriage and family counseling. He earned a Master's degree in Theology from Dallas Theological Seminary, and a Master's degree in Counseling from Colorado Christian University. He was formerly on staff with Intimate Life Ministries and director of a Houston Minirth-Meier New Life Clinic. He is married to Terry Elkins and has two grown children.